You really want to stimulate the economy? Auction off Bernie Madoff one ounce at a time.

(18 votes, average: 8.11 out of 10)
 Loading ...

Chris Brown missed the Grammys Sunday night after allegedly assaulting his girlfriend Rihanna. But it’s been announced that he’ll receive a special honor at next year’s ceremony — The Ike Turner Award for Career Suicide.

Porn Star Stormy Daniels is thinking about running for the U.S. Senate seat in Louisiana now held by Republican David Vitter. I’m all for it. Finally, we’d have a politician we want to screw us.

(16 votes, average: 6.69 out of 10)
 Loading ...

It’s been reported that Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003. In his defense, A-Rod says the steroids only affected his ego.

Nadya Suleman, the mom of octuplets as well as six other children, now says she never meant to have so many kids. It turns out she’s just really bad with math.

Christian Bale has finally commented on his on-set hissy fit. He says he doesn’t know why it’s such a big deal — it’s not like he forgot to pay his taxes.

One good thing has come out of Michael Phelps’s suspension from swimming — now he can devote more time to his tribute band…Bong Jovi.

Have you heard Michael Phelps is being courted for a new T-V series? It’s a sitcom called The Bong Newhart Show. They also have a western in the works — that one’s called Bong-nanza. There’s even a reality show on the table…Toking With the Stars. But I think the winner is the urban-themed comedy they’re calling Really Good Times.

(13 votes, average: 6.54 out of 10)
 Loading ...

You always hear about little old ladies, but why don’t you ever hear about big old ladies?

Updating a previous Observation.

Today a woman actually said, “God bless you,” when I sneezed on the train. I was floored. So floored that I karate chopped the woman in the throat. And that, boys and girls, is why people don’t say “God bless you” on the train.

John McCain has been calling himself a maverick. So, I decided to look up the word in the dictionary. Turns out, maverick means “a crotchety douche-nozzle who thinks calling himself a noncomformist enough times makes him a noncomformist.”

My friend John Harlacher is scaring the urine out of folks in Miami with his Nightmare haunted house all this month. Check it out if you’re down there. If you can’t make it, check out this video.

How many serial killers do you think have gotten caught after murdering their first victim?

That has to be very disappointing for a budding serial killer. Forever you’d be known as just a “killer.”