What I Learned Today
Sunday, March 4th, 2007
That no matter how much I hate composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, I can’t get the songs of “Jesus Christ Superstar” out of my head for days after I hear his hippy-rock musical (and, yes, I hear it a lot). All day long I’m singing:
Hosanna Heysanna Sanna Sanna Ho
Sanna Hey Sanna Ho Sanna
Hey J C, J C won’t you smile at me?
Sanna Ho Sanna Hey Superstar
or,
Take this cup away from me for I don’t want to taste its poison
Feel it burn me, I have changed, I’m not as sure
As when we started
or, better yet,
So you are the Christ, you’re the great Jesus Christ
Prove to me that you’re divine — change my water into wine
That’s all you need to do then I’ll know it’s all true
C’mon King of the Jews
Stupid Trivia: Porn legend and altogether loathsome human being Ron Jeremy is one of the guests relaxing at the pool at Herod’s castle in the 1973 movie of “Jesus Christ Superstar.”
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Monday, February 19th, 2007
That getting an MRI exam feels like being stuck inside an early ’80s video game — a cross between Space Invaders (thoop-thoop-thoop), Pac Man (wakka-wakka-wakka) and Galaga (zzzlp-zzzlp-zzzlp).
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Saturday, February 10th, 2007
Last year in the U.S., there were 130,000 suicide attempts but only 30,000 were successful. The trouble with this country is that we’re raising a bunch of slackers. Come on, America, get your shit together!
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Sunday, January 28th, 2007
That if I clench my ass real tight, my sciatica doesn’t hurt as bad when I walk.
Side Note: I’ve also learned that sciatica hurts. Real bad.
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Friday, January 19th, 2007
Sleep is for fat people.
How I Learned This: After sleeping 16 of the last 24 hours.
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Thursday, January 18th, 2007
Never — ever — follow a fat man who just picked up the Sunday edition of the New York Times into the bathroom.
How I Learned This: This afternoon, at work, the hard way.
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Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
Porno veteran Randy Spears (pictured at right) is a decent actor.
How I Learned This: Between 3:40 and 4:00 am, I watched the “erotic-thriller” (which means it’s watered-down cable porn with a detective story thrown in) “Dangerous Passions,” also starring Jezebelle Bond (love that name) and Dick Smothers Jr. (that isn’t a made-up porn name; it’s actually Dick Smothers‘ son).
Side Note: After a bizarre mental mash-up of porn names back in 1996 or ’97, I was convinced this new pop star by the name of Britney Spears was actually a porn actress. The actors who caused the confusion were Brittany Andrews and Randy Spears. Much to my disappointment, I caught Britney Spears on the Jenny Jones show and soon realized that she was 16 years old. Though, a porn career is looking more promising every day.
Posted in Humor, Sex, What I Learned Today | 1 Comment »
Friday, December 1st, 2006
When Luke Skywalker and Han Solo escort Chewbacca to the prison cells in “Star Wars,” Luke says the Wookie is a prisoner transfer from cell block 1138, a reference to director George Lucas’s first film, “THX 1138.”
George Lucas cut a scene from his first film, “THX 1138,” in which the lead character falls into a garbage compactor and fights a mutated rodent, because the creature didn’t look realistic. The situation was recycled in “Star Wars.”
When Superman made his debut in Action Comics in 1938 he didn’t live in Metropolis — his stomping grounds were in New York City.
Kurt Russell, Nick Nolte, Christopher Walken, Al Pacino, and Perry King were among the candidates for the role of Han Solo.
George Lucas originally wanted to make an updated movie of Flash Gordon. However, the director couldn’t secure the rights to the property, which were held by Dino De Laurentiis. Instead, Lucas decided to create his own science fiction project, which, of course, became “Star Wars.” De Laurentiis went on to produce a campy version of Flash Gordon in 1980. (more…)
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