There are more than 1500 people in the U.S. named Unique.

No dog is free.

How I Learned This: After spending a nice chunk of change on carpeting for my new house, my puppy has been systematically ripping it apart and peeing on it. The new couch is his bed. The new flat-screen TV is in constant danger of being pulled off its stand by the hyper pup. Then there’s the vet bills, food, and all the chew toys my wife inisists he needs. The dog came free, but has probably cost me about several grand in just a few months. At least I don’t have to pay for college.

Dear Pope,

It has come to my attention that someone in Vatican City has visited Blogzarro. That shouldn’t surprise you; Blogzarro is a popular blog with a wide range of quality posts for folks from all walks of life. However, after investigating Google Analytics (a website stat tracker), I discovered some disturbing details. Turns out my friend (or friends) in the Vatican checked out probably the nastiest, most pornographic page on Blogzarro (which, as devoted readers know, is saying something) — twice. Click here to see what our holy web surfer saw.

Yes, I admit it could have been a janitor or one of Satan’s undercover operatives who was browsing said filth (highly entertaining filth, but filth nonetheless). I have my suspicions, though. Do you think I’d go down with His Holiness if you were sent to hell because of reading Blogzarro?

Please, don’t send me to hell,
James A.

Never call your wife crazy when she’s giving you oral sex.

One of the scariest moments in life: that split-second as you’re descending onto the toilet…you’re at the point of no return…and you realize the seat is up.