Friday, May 21st, 2010
No dog is free.
How I Learned This: After spending a nice chunk of change on carpeting for my new house, my puppy has been systematically ripping it apart and peeing on it. The new couch is his bed. The new flat-screen TV is in constant danger of being pulled off its stand by the hyper pup. Then there’s the vet bills, food, and all the chew toys my wife inisists he needs. The dog came free, but has probably cost me about several grand in just a few months. At least I don’t have to pay for college.
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Thursday, August 28th, 2008
Dear Pope,
It has come to my attention that someone in Vatican City has visited Blogzarro. That shouldn’t surprise you; Blogzarro is a popular blog with a wide range of quality posts for folks from all walks of life. However, after investigating Google Analytics (a website stat tracker), I discovered some disturbing details. Turns out my friend (or friends) in the Vatican checked out probably the nastiest, most pornographic page on Blogzarro (which, as devoted readers know, is saying something) — twice. Click here to see what our holy web surfer saw.
Yes, I admit it could have been a janitor or one of Satan’s undercover operatives who was browsing said filth (highly entertaining filth, but filth nonetheless). I have my suspicions, though. Do you think I’d go down with His Holiness if you were sent to hell because of reading Blogzarro?
Please, don’t send me to hell,
James A.
Posted in News, What I Learned Today | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, August 27th, 2008
Never call your wife crazy when she’s giving you oral sex.
Posted in Humor, What I Learned Today | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, August 8th, 2007
One of the scariest moments in life: that split-second as you’re descending onto the toilet…you’re at the point of no return…and you realize the seat is up.
Posted in Humor, What I Learned Today | 4 Comments »
Saturday, June 16th, 2007
That people look at you funny when you’re thirty-something and reading a comic book on the subway, but if you’re any age and shouting out violent and sexually explicit rap lyrics, people don’t bat an eye.
Posted in Humor, What I Learned Today | 6 Comments »
Saturday, June 9th, 2007
Another drawback to being bald: every time I slip a T-shirt over my head it looks like I’m being born.
Posted in Humor, What I Learned Today | 5 Comments »
Saturday, April 14th, 2007
That I can save a lot of time cleaning if I get a dust-colored carpet.
Posted in Humor, What I Learned Today | No Comments »
Tuesday, March 27th, 2007
The whole is greater than the sum of the parts…. Or is it the sum of the parts are greater than the whole? I gotta look that up now.
Posted in Humor, What I Learned Today | 2 Comments »
Saturday, March 10th, 2007
Absolutely nothing. In fact, I think I forgot a bunch of really useful shit today.
Posted in Humor, What I Learned Today | No Comments »
Sunday, March 4th, 2007
That no matter how much I hate composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, I can’t get the songs of “Jesus Christ Superstar” out of my head for days after I hear his hippy-rock musical (and, yes, I hear it a lot). All day long I’m singing:
Hosanna Heysanna Sanna Sanna Ho
Sanna Hey Sanna Ho Sanna
Hey J C, J C won’t you smile at me?
Sanna Ho Sanna Hey Superstar
or,
Take this cup away from me for I don’t want to taste its poison
Feel it burn me, I have changed, I’m not as sure
As when we started
or, better yet,
So you are the Christ, you’re the great Jesus Christ
Prove to me that you’re divine — change my water into wine
That’s all you need to do then I’ll know it’s all true
C’mon King of the Jews
Stupid Trivia: Porn legend and altogether loathsome human being Ron Jeremy is one of the guests relaxing at the pool at Herod’s castle in the 1973 movie of “Jesus Christ Superstar.”
Posted in Humor, What I Learned Today | No Comments »
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