Reviews
Monday, October 26th, 2009
I am convinced there is a conspiracy involving the “Paranormal Activity” hype.
I heard all the raves and the hyperbolic statements, like ” ‘Paranormal Activity’ is the most terrifying movie you’ll ever see,” or some crazy thing along those lines. So Saturday I went to see the movie, which was reportedly made for $15,000. And what I saw did scare the hell out of me…because I realized that all the hype was complete bullshit — and if it was authentic, then the world is full of idiots who have no idea what a good movie is.
“Paranormal Activity” was the most boring, un-terrifying movie I ever sat through. The rest of the audience obviously felt the same, as halfway through, people began blatantly talking on cellphones or to each other, and no one cared — not even me, and I hate when people do that in a theater. It took thirty mind-numbing minutes or so for the first scary moment to occur: a bedroom door creeks. That’s followed by such terrifying moments as a loud bang, footsteps, an even louder bang. During one of the movie’s supposed “big moments,” the audience actually burst into laughter. After the movie, we all filed out of the theater feeling ripped off, with a number of people saying out loud what a horrible, worthless movie we had just sat through. If “Paranormal Activity” scared you at all, it is probably because you have never seen another horror movie in your life. Or you think ladybugs are scary.
“Paranormal Activity” is as exciting as watching people sleep. Why is that? Because most of the movie takes place as the terrorized couple — Katie and Micah — sleeps.
This movie, which felt like a cheap online student film, has been getting such insane Internet buzz that it came out of nowhere and landed at No. 1 at the box office over the past weekend. Really? Really? Come on, really? I have to applaud DreamWorks for mounting what must be one of the greatest marketing schemes in history — and obviously paying off plenty of reviewers and 12-year-olds to talk the movie up on Twitter and Facebook.
Don’t believe the hype: “Paranormal Activity” is a snooze fest. The Internet has lied to us again. (Save your money and instead rent “Drag Me to Hell.”)
Posted in Movies, Rants, Reviews | 11 Comments »
Wednesday, August 15th, 2007
Twisted ToyFare Theater’s 10th Anniversary Collection is all kinds of awesome. Okay, it’s actually one kind of awesome: superhero dolls making potty jokes. But that’s more than enough.
If you’re not familiar with Twisted ToyFare Theater, it’s a photographic comic strip starring classic Mego superhero dolls of the 1970s and the cartoon-based toys of the 1980s. The strip, which appears every month in ToyFare magazine, inspired Adult Swim’s “Robot Chicken.” In fact, many of the early writers of Twisted ToyFare Theater went on to write “Robot Chicken.”
This 10th Anniversary Collection, published by Wizard Entertainment, features the 25 best strips in Twisted ToyFare Theater history. The zaniness includes a day in the life of Wolverine, supervillain Jeopardy, a pugilistic Alan Moore, zombie Smurfs, an uber-randy Capt. Kirk, a Jewish Thing, and a Mexican Spider-Man. But that’s not all. There are character bios, commentary, a brand-new strip that parodies “Inside the Actors Studio,” and much more. I haven’t laughed this much while reading since, well, I don’t think I ever laughed this much while reading.
If you’re a fan of “Robot Chicken,” if you’re a fan of Twisted ToyFare, if you’re a fan of Spider-Man in a sombrero, if you’re a fan of laughing your ass off, find your credit card immediately and order this book. Then thank me.
Posted in Comic Books, Reviews | No Comments »
Thursday, August 2nd, 2007
INCREDIBLE CHANGE-BOTS
Top Shelf Productions
Release Date: August 1, 2007
By Jeffrey Brown
“Incredible Change-Bots,” a graphic novel by writer and artist Jeffrey Brown, is a gut-busting parody/tribute to the animated Transformers series of the ’80s. Fans unhappy with Michael Bay‘s movie will probably prefer Brown’s screwball handling of the robots in disguise, who are featured more prominently in this story than their big-screen counterparts.
The story is familiar to Transformers fans. “Far away in space, there is a planet full of robots able to change from robot form to vehicle form — the Incredible Change-Bots! Leaving their war-torn planet, the Change-Bots arrive on Earth, where their battle continues.” The Autobots here are replaced with the Awesomebots, led by Big Rig, and their enemies are the Fantasticons, led by the maniacal Shootertron. They spend most of the story fighting each other over energy cubes, and skewering the Transformers legacy.
“Incredible Change-Bots” captures the true spirit and silliness of the original Transformers. It’s part parody, part nostalgic tribute. Jeffrey Brown does a great job of returning the reader to the era of the original Transformers and showing what made them so awesome and so silly. It’s a hilarious and fun look at those robots in disguise.
Posted in Comic Books, Reviews | 1 Comment »
Friday, July 20th, 2007
ZODIAC
Release Date: July 24
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Downey Jr., Mark Ruffalo, Chloe Sevigny
Director: David Fincher
Length: 158 minutes
I the late ’60s a serial killer dubbed the Zodiac terrorized Northern California. Much like the Son of Sam a decade later, he sent taunting letters and cryptic messages to the press. He was never caught. The films stars Jake Gyllenhaal as Robert Graysmith, who was a cartoonist for the San Francisco Chronicle at the time and who later wrote the true-crime book “Zodiac,” which is the basis for the movie.
“Zodiac” is highlighted by fine performances, especially from Robert Downey Jr. as Paul Avery, the alcoholic reporter for the Chronicle. But the movie suffers from a lack of focus. For about the first two hours, the film follows the investigation of the Zodiac murders. The purported lead character, Graysmith, merely “looms” around the action and has nothing of significance to do. The killings stop and the investigation goes nowhere. Enter Graysmith and the second part of this unintentional double feature. Graysmith, obsessed with the case, begins his own investigation, which leads him to write his true crime book. I found myself uninterested after the first investigation and couldn’t wait for the second one to end.
DVD NEWS
Cujo is back! The “Cujo: 25th Anniversary Edition” DVD, available September 25, is packed with new bonus features including a three-part making-of featurette, interviews with cast and crew, and audio commentary from director
Lewis Teague. The set also features all-new O-card collectible packaging. The 1982 movie, based on the
Stephen King book, stars
Dee Wallace,
Danny Pintauro, and one scary St. Bernard. Available in wide screen.
ALREADY AVAILABLE…
URCHIN From first-time director John Harlacher, “Urchin” is an urban fantasy that follows the quest of a homeless boy from the underground world of Scum City. | $17.99
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (Season 2) This six-disc set collects all the second season episodes of the Linda Hamilton – Ron Perlman fantasy series. | $32.99
THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 More gratuitous violence from those cannibal mutants in the desert. | $18.99
GUNSMOKE (Season 1) The classic and long-running TV Western “Gunsmoke” hits DVD in this six-disc, 39-episode set from Paramount Home Video. | $26.99
Posted in DVDs, Movies, Reviews | 1 Comment »
Thursday, June 28th, 2007
DEAD SILENCE
Release Date: June 26
Starring: Ryan Kwaten, Donnie Wahlberg
Director: James Wan
Length: 91 minutes
Plot holes sink what could have been a classic ghost tale. After his wife is murdered, Jamie Ashen (Ryan Kwaten) returns to his spooky and fog-drenched hometown, where he uncovers the mystery of Mary Shaw, a dead ventriloquist who sought to create the perfect doll. Donnie Wahlberg co-stars as the incredulous cop who suspects Jamie of murdering his wife, and who, for some reason, constantly shaves his face with an electric razor. Kwaten is uninteresting but Wahlberg and his electic razor add some personality. There are plenty of creepy moments, most of which come via doll heads slowly turning or the face of Mary Shaw in the shadows. But there are plenty of cliches and lazy storytelling, too. The pulse-pounding ending almost makes up for the rest of the film. I expected more, though, from the writing and directing team (Leigh Whannell and James Wan) of “Saw.” If you don’t ask too many nagging questions, you’ll get sufficiently creeped out and probably leave the lights on for the next few nights.
DVD GOODIES
Included are an alternate beginning and an alternate ending, which, after you watch it, will make you understand why they didn’t use it; deleted scenes; and a making-of featurette.
ALSO OUT THIS WEEK…
THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN This two-disc set contains all the episodes from the first Superman animated TV series. Circa 1966. JUNE 26 | $19.99
BLACK SNAKE MOAN Samuel L. Jackson chains Christina Ricci to a radiator in this tale of the blues and redemption. Read Blogzarro’s review here. JUNE 26 | $17.99
SHOOTER Donnie’s little brother Mark Wahlberg stars as a marksman framed for the assassination of the president. JUNE 26 | $17.99
STANDING STILL The tale of a young couple the night before their wedding. Starring Amy Adams and Adam Garcia. JUNE 26 | $17.99
Posted in DVDs, Movies, Reviews | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
BLACK SNAKE MOAN
Release Date: June 26
Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Christina Ricci, Justin Timberlake
Director: Craig Brewer
Length: 115 minutes
Under the surface of “Black Snake Moan”‘s exploitative scenario — a bitter bluesman imprisoning a scantily clad woman by chaining her to a radiator — there’s a smart movie. Though, it seems writer/director Craig Brewer (“Hustle and Flow”) wasn’t sure whether to make his film an all-out ode to the trashy movies of the ’70s or a serious drama about redemption. Jackson stars as Lazarus, a former bluesman and current farmer who finds the town hussy, Rae (Christina Ricci), beaten and left unconscious on the road near his home. Tormented by his wife’s recent betrayal, he decides to nurse Rae back to health and exorcise her sexual demons. Ricci spends most of the film crawling and strutting around in her panties. Jackson is his usual mofo-swearing self. But the cast members turn in strong performances, saving “Black Snake Moan” from being a completely ridiculous movie. Despite its flaws, it’s an interesting and unique movie, full of sex and the blues, and if you ever wanted to see Christina Ricci in panties and chains this is the perfect opportunity.
DVD GOODIES
Commentary by writer/director Craig Brewer; deleted scenes; and the featurettes “Conflicted: The Making of Black Snake Moan,” “Rooted in the Blues,” and “The Black Snake Moan,” a look at the title blues song.
OUT THIS WEEK…
THE MANHATTAN PROJECT (Special Edition) “The Manhattan Project” is the story of an overachieving high school student (Christopher Collet) who decides to show just how dangerously easy it is to construct a nuclear device. The bright teenager has high hopes of winning first prize at the science fair. Using his mother’s relationship with a government official (John Lithgow) to sneak into a secret facility and steal plutonium, he winds up creating a fully functional A-Bomb. When the government finds out about the device, they put in motion a series of events that threatens the nuclear annihilation of everyone within a 10-mile radius. This thrilling drama, first released in 1986, is packed with special features — including filmmaker audio commentary, “How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb: The Making of The Manhattan Project” featurette, “Home Made Apocalypse” featurette, interviews with scientists at Jet Propulsion Laboratories and an ’80s trivia subtitle track. JUNE 19 | $14.99
RENO 911: MIAMI The wacky TV cops from Comedy Central’s “Reno 911″ hit the big screen, where they must save the day after a terrorist attack disrupts a national police convention in Miami Beach during spring break. JUNE 19 | $16.99
THE BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA Two fifth-graders become friends and create the fantasy world Terabithia. Starring AnnaSophia Robb, Josh Hutcherson, and Zooey Deschanel. Based on the book by Katherine Paterson. JUNE 19 | $15.99
THE ABANDONED An American woman returns to her birthplace in Russia, seeking answers to her mysterious past and finds plenty of ghosts. Read Blogzarro’s review here. JUNE 19 | $26.09
Posted in DVDs, Movies, Reviews | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
THE ABANDONED
Release Date: June 19
Starring: Anastasia Hille, Karel Roden
Director: Nacho Cerdà
Length: 94 minutes
Price: $26.09
You need to stick with “The Abandoned.” It’s a slow-moving horror-thriller that builds tension and chills as it moves along. Part of After Dark’s “8 Films to Die For” festival, “The Abandoned” is about an American woman who returns to her birthplace in Russia, seeking answers to her mysterious past. While there, she meets a man who claims to be her twin brother and together they encounter ghosts and the horrible events that led to their home being abandonded and uninhabited for the last 40 years. The movie works more on a psychological level and doesn’t focus much on the blood and gore as most horror movies do today, which is refreshing. It delivers the creeps the good ol’ fashioned way.
DVD GOODIES
Includes the featurette “The Making of The Abandoned.”
CHICAGO MASSACRE: RICHARD SPECK
Not long into the movie, you realize the filmmakers squandered a golden opportunity. I got a thrill when I noticed that the cops investigating Richard Speck’s murders were played by Andrew “Wishmaster” Divoff and Tony “Candyman” Todd. So, I’m thinking, The movie I want to see is “Wishmaster Vs. Candyman.” Okay, I got that off my chest… “Chicago Massacre: Richard Speck” is the tale of a drifter (Corin Nemic) responsible for one of the worst mass murders in history. Speck beat, raped, stabbed, and shot a group of student nurses in one night of brutality in 1966. Nemic (“Parker Lewis Can’t Lose”) does an admirable job playing the psycho Speck and it’s always cool to listen to Divoff talk. But I’d only recommend the movie to fans of such low-budget serial killer flicks as “Ed Gein” or “Dahmer.” DVD special features include audio commentary with director Michael Feifer and Corin Nemic as well as a stills gallery. Currently available | $19.99
OUT THIS WEEK…
GHOST RIDER Nicloas Cage stars as Johnny Blaze, a stunt cylist who makes a pack to save a loved one and ends up as the Ghost Rider. Also starring Eva Mendes, Sam Elliott, Donal Logue. JUNE 12 | $22.99
HELLBOY: BLOOD AND IRON Hellboy, Liz Sherman, and Abe Sapien battle demons in the second animated movie based on Mike Mignola‘s comic. Featuring the voices of Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, Doug Jones, John Hurt. JUNE 12 | $14.99
BREACH The story of FBI agent Eric O’Neill (Ryan Phillippe), whose first assignment is to spy on his boss, Robert Hanssen (Chris Cooper). Based on a true story. JUNE 12 | $16.99
Posted in DVDs, Movies, Reviews | 1 Comment »
Thursday, June 7th, 2007
HIGHLANDER – THE SEARCH FOR VENGEANCE
Release Date: June 5
Starring: Alistair Abell
Director: Yoshiaki Kawajiri
Length: 85 minutes
There can be only one, huh? The makers of Highlander never took that line seriously as they’ve churned out four movies, two TV series, numerous novels, comic books, and a 1994 animated series. Now, the Highlander franchise heads into the world of anime with mixed results.
Legendary anime director Yoshiaki Kawajiri (“Ninja Scroll,” “Neo-Tokyo”) re-imagines the Highlander legend in the direct-to-DVD movie “Highlander – The Search for Vengeance.” The story follows Colin (not Connor) MacLeod of the clan MacLeod from the 2nd century, where he fights the Immortal Roman bad guy Marcus to the late 22nd century, where he fights Marcus, the Immortal leader of post-apocalyptic New York City. For 2,000 years the Highlander has been fruitlessly seeking revenge on Marcus for killing his wife, but once he hooks up with Dahlia, a woman very reminiscent of his dead wife, it looks like he might have a chance.
There are plenty of superficial similarities to the original “Highlander” movie. Like the original, the movie interweaves the Highlander’s past with his present. There’s a spirit who guides MacLeod, reminiscent of the character Ramirez, played by Sean Connery in the first film. But “The Search for Vengeance” (written by David Abramowitz) doesn’t add anything new to the Highlander mythos. In fact, there’s a bunch of stuff missing. The line “There can be only one” is often repeated, but its significance is never explained. In the original the Immortals fight each other for a “prize.” The last Immortal with his head still intact wins. Yet there’s no competition or prize in this story. So why can there be only one? Other key Highlander concepts aren’t explained either, like the Immortals, the Quickening, or the beheadings. It should leave non-Highlander fans scratching their heads. Also, there’s no music by Queen, which is a disappointment when I watch any movie, but particularly Highlander flicks.
It’s not all bad, though. There are some amazing (and violent) scenes and visuals, especially the swordfights. And I always love when cartoon characters curse and get naked. Not as bad as “Highlander: The Quickening” but certainly not as good as “Highlander,” “The Search for Vengeance” is an uneven but still enjoyable addition to the saga of that sword-wielding Scotsman we all love.
DVD GOODIES
Contains the featurettes “East Meets West: Filmmakers Crossing Borders” and “A Talk With Kawajiri,” as well as trailers and production stills. PRICE: $12.99
ALSO OUT THIS WEEK…
NORBIT Eddie Murphy plays three characters in this wacky movie about a loser who’s terrorized by his monstrous wife. Read Blogzarro’s review here. JUNE 5 | $16.99
THE MESSENGERS A family moves into a spooky house on a sunflower farm. Starring Kristin Stewart, Dylan McDermott, Penelope Ann Miller, and John Corbett. JUNE 5 | $17.99
THE FANTASTIC FOUR – EXTENDED CUT This two-disc special edition adds 20 minutes of footage to the 2005 superhero movie. Also includes a 100-minute making-of documentary and a look at this summer’s sequel. JUNE 5 | $16.99
THE DEAD ZONE (Season 5) The three-disc set contains all 11 episodes of the USA Network series starring Anthony Michael Hall as Johnny Smith, a man who awakens from a coma and learns he has psychic abilities. JUNE 5 | $22.99
FURTHER OUT…
SURF SCHOOL (Unrated) Teen comedy featuring the ultimate Cinderella story, killer waves, lessons on the psychedelic ways of the ’60s and plenty of sexy unrated footage to make even the most randy boy have a wipeout! Starring Harland Williams. JULY 17 | $18.99
THE LONG WEEKEND Overworked advertising executive Ed Waxman (Brendan Fehr) has just 48 hours to come up with a great new ad campaign or he’ll be fired. However, his babe-magnet brother, Cooper (Chris Klein) has another idea — get his stressed out brother lucky with the ladies. With hope and luck on their side, maybe — just maybe — he’ll be able to save his job and have sex, all in the course of one outrageous weekend. JULY 24 | $24.29
Posted in DVDs, Movies, Reviews | 8 Comments »
Friday, June 1st, 2007
NORBIT
Release Date: June 5
Starring: Eddie Murphy, Thandie Newton, Eddie Griffin, Marlon Wayans
Director: Brian Robbins
Length: 102 minutes
Critics panned “Norbit” when it was in theaters, but the comedy went on to gross $95 million at the box office. It’s one of those comedies you either love or hate. As a baby, Norbit’s parents throw him out of a moving car and he rolls in front of the Golden Wonton Orphanage, where he is raised. If you laugh at this point, you’ll probably enjoy the film. If not…it will be a long 102 minutes. Norbit’s life is all downhill from there. Rasputia, a beast of a woman and the butt of endless fat jokes, makes Norbit’s life hell. But there’s hope when his childhood sweetheart (Thandie Newton) returns to town. There are a few too many fat jokes and the character of Norbit is underwhelming, but there are plenty of funny moments and watching Eddie Murphy play multiple characters (Norbit, Rasputia, and Mr. Wong) is always a riot. But it’s the supporting cast that really shines. Eddie Griffin is hilarious playing — what else? — a pimp. Marlon Wayans has a brief but inspired role as a fast-talking exercise instructor. Even Eddie’s older brother, Charlie Murphy (who helped write the screenplay), gets into the act as the voice of Floyd the dog. It’s broad, juvenile humor. If you don’t take your comedy too seriously, you’ll probably love “Norbit.”
DVD GOODIES
Extras include 14 deleted scenes and the featurettes “Man of a Thousand Faces” and “The Stunts of Norbit.” But make sure to check out “Power Tap,” Marlon Wayans’ mock infomercial, probably the funniest thing on the DVD.
OUT THIS WEEK…
HANNIBAL RISING The story of how Hannibal Lecter became a cannibal serial killer. Read Blogzarro’s review here.
F TROOP SEASON 2 This six-disc set collects the 31 episodes from the 1965 season of the classic sitcom about a wacky cavalry troop.
ICHI THE KILLER: BLOOD PACK Two-disc uncut special edition of director Takashi Miike‘s 2001 movie about a sadistic Yakuza killer.
Posted in DVDs, Movies, Reviews | 4 Comments »
Thursday, May 31st, 2007
DOCTOR STRANGE: THE OATH
By Brian K. Vaughan and Marcos Martin
There are few writers who are worth your time. Even fewer who make you want to run out and buy everything with their name attached. In the world of comics only two names really get me reaching for my wallet: Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman. A third name is increasingly making demands on my hard-earned cash. Brian K. Vaughan first impressed me with his political superhero series “Ex Machina,” then knocked me off my feet with “Y: The Last Man,” which I rank up there with “The Watchmen,” “The Dark Knight Returns” and “The Sandman.” I hadn’t read any of his straight-ahead superhero stories, so I was definitely curious how he’d handle an established costumed hero.
“Doctor Strange: The Oath,” a five-issue series now collected in a trade paperback, gave me the perfect opportunity to find that out.
The story concerns a magical elixir that Doctor Strange needs in order to cure his faithful assistant Wong, who has an aggressive form of cancer. The elixir is stolen right out of the Sanctum Sanctorum (imagine that!) and Strange is shot in the process. Now, Strange and Wong, both at death’s door, must track down the potion and whoever’s behind the theft. Vaughan also weaves in much of Doctor Strange’s origin story, making “The Oath” a good introduction to the Sorcerer Supreme. As evidenced in “Y: The Last Man,” Vaughan is a master at characterization and entertaining dialogue. In “The Oath,” Vaughan lightens up the usually arrogant and aloof Doctor Strange — and makes him a charismatic and very human character. It’s an entertaining read, but this is BKV, so it’s smart, too. Marcos Martin‘s art is dazzling, and is perfectly suited to the fantastic world of Doctor Strange. And I’m thinking, Why doesn’t Doctor Strange have his own series?
So, now I have more Brian K. Vaughan books to buy. I’ll be checking out more Doctor Strange stories, too. Maybe Marvel will be smart and start up a Doctor Strange series. Or maybe that’s already in the works…
Posted in Comic Books, Reviews | 5 Comments »
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