As you know, John McCain has chosen a running mate — one-time Miss Alaska runner-up Sarah Palin. I just have one thing to say about that…VP-ILF.
McCain, I don’t agree with any of your policies, but your running mate is one little cutie. She’s got that Tina Fey thing going on, but she’s actually pretty. I’m beginning to like the way you think, you sly old dog. Sarah, you want to do some off-shore drilling? Fine with me. Just name the time and the shore.
So to recap, McCain picked a young, good-looking running mate with little political experience. And Obama chose a grumpy, old white guy with decades of political experience. The message is plain: These two guys are hot for each other. Admit it and join forces. A McCain – Obama ticket is a sure thing!
It has come to my attention that someone in Vatican City has visited Blogzarro. That shouldn’t surprise you; Blogzarro is a popular blog with a wide range of quality posts for folks from all walks of life. However, after investigating Google Analytics (a website stat tracker), I discovered some disturbing details. Turns out my friend (or friends) in the Vatican checked out probably the nastiest, most pornographic page on Blogzarro (which, as devoted readers know, is saying something) — twice. Click here to see what our holy web surfer saw.
Yes, I admit it could have been a janitor or one of Satan’s undercover operatives who was browsing said filth (highly entertaining filth, but filth nonetheless). I have my suspicions, though. Do you think I’d go down with His Holiness if you were sent to hell because of reading Blogzarro?
Some time has passed between posts this year, prompting this question from loyal Blogzarro readers: “What the hell have I been doing?” I wish I had a simple answer. So, to explain myself, here’s an easy-to-read list…
I’ve been enjoying “The Two Coreys” a little too much. It’s easily the funniest show on TV (the humor, I think, is unintentional). My new favorite catchphrase: “I should just put you in the ground, kid.” Or: any sentence ending in “kid.” Also, I think it was Kiefer Sutherland who raped, so to speak, both the Coreys in their younger days. Gotta be. Or was it that other Frog Brother? He was always kinda creepy. It’s a hell of a mystery. Though, how cool would it be if one Corey molested the other, then in retaliation, the other Corey molests Corey? I smell a LOGO TV movie.
I’ve been listening to My Chemical Romance, so much so that I’m on the verge of cutting myself and then committing suicide by hanging. About 11 more hours of “The Black Parade” should do it.
I’ve been trying to lower my BMI so the trainer on Wii Fit quits talking to me in that condescending voice. (I’m down 25 pounds already.)
I’ve been coasting a lot while driving in an attempt to save gas. I’m also working on a Flintstone-esque car powered by my bare feet.
I’ve been battling waterbugs. I faced off against a tag-team of the biggest mothers ever to be seen in a Brooklyn bathroom. I came out victorious. My mop, however, was lost in the battle.
I’ve been eagerly awaiting my stimulus check, so I can thumb my nose at George Bush by putting the money in the bank and never spending it. Or, better yet, take the money and donate it to the Obama campaign (genius idea!).
I’ve been obsessing over Fantasy Baseball during much of my waking hours. My wife doesn’t agree, but I think it’s time well spent, because when I win — and I will win — I will have…well, nothing really. But I can’t help myself. Is there such a thing as Fantasy Baseball Rehab?
I’ve been working on Eliot Spitzer jokes, still. Here are three: 1) “I thought it was funny when I heard that Eliot Spitzer was caught paying a woman for sex. ‘Cause he’s been screwing New Yorkers for years and hasn’t paid them a dime.” 2) “Former governor of New Jersey Jim McGreevey was shocked when he heard that Eliot Spitzer paid $5000 an hour for sex. He was quoted as saying, ‘Doesn’t he know he can get all the sex he wants for free at any Turnpike rest stop?’” 3) “When asked what he was doing with a prostitute, Governor Spitzer said he was working on his new stimulus package.”
Now George Carlin (who died Sunday) will find out if God really loves him — or, for that matter, if He even exists. Let’s keep our fingers crossed for both.
As you know, John McCain has chosen a running mate — one-time Miss Alaska runner-up Sarah Palin. I just have one thing to say about that…VP-ILF.
