Comic Books
Thursday, May 3rd, 2007
There are actually 73 reasons to love Spider-Man, but due to time constraints and laziness I have reduced them to the 4 most important. If you have other reasons for loving Spidey, please share them.
| 1) The Nerdiness
|
|
Superman pretended to be a nerd. Spider-Man was a nerd. Peter Parker was a socially inept kid, a complete dork that you could relate to. That was the brilliance of Stan Lee’s creation and the only reason why Tobey Maguire can star in a superhero movie without being laughed off the screen. It also put every geek on the lookout for a radioactive spider.
|
| 2) The Villains
|
|
You can be the coolest superhero in the universe, but if your enemies are crap, then you might as well hang it up. From Doc Ock to the Lizard to Sandman, Spider-Man battles the baddest baddies. The Green Goblin scared the pants off me as a kid, so it was probably good that Venom wasn’t around during my childhood years.
|
| 3) The Suit
|
|
A superhero is only as good as his costume. If you have a lame get-up, you have a lame superhero. Whether it’s black or red and blue, Spidey has one of the most kick-ass costumes in comicdom. There’s an Iron Spider-Man suit kicking around now that I’m not too crazy about, but two out of three ain’t bad. Either way, Spidey is all about the suit.
|
| 4) The Theme
|
|
“Spider-Man, Spider-Man / Does whatever a spider can / Spins a web, any size / Catches thieves just like flies / Look out, here comes the Spider-Man…” In its toe-tapping elegance, the theme to the 1967 Spider-Man cartoon has been branded into the synapses of every Spidey fan. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.
|
Posted in Comic Books, Movies, The 4 Spot | 3 Comments »
Monday, April 30th, 2007
Real Name: Peter Ross
First Appearance: Spider-Boy #1 (1996)
Affiliations: Daily Bugle, Project Cadmus
Aliases: Arach-Kid, Mall-Crawler, Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Boy
Creators: Karl Kesel, Mike Wieringo
Lame Abilities: Can manipulate gravity and stick to solid surfaces; enhance his strength, speed, and agility to superhuman levels; uses a special pistol that shoots synthetic spider webs.
Maybe they should have named him Spider-Lad. Spider-Boy has three strikes against him: 1) He’s a clone. 2) His name ends in “Boy.” 3) He shoots webs out of a special pistol.
Spider-Boy was a character in one of those alternate universes, where usually anything goes and bad ideas go to die. He was a clone of not only Spider-Man but of Superboy — not Superman, but Superboy — as well, only adding to the lameness. The mash-up was part of the Amalgam event in the middle ’90s, when Marvel and DC characters were combined into one. There was a Batman - Wolverine character named Dark Claw, a Man-Thing and Man-Bat character named Bat-Thing, and so on. Two series of 12 Amalgam books were released.
Super-Spider-Lad, the result of an experiment by Project Cadmus, doesn’t really have any spider-like abilities. He can manipulate gravity so that he can walk up walls, increase his strength, and jump really high. He also wears a leather jacket, which hasn’t been cool since the days of Fonzie. Thankfully, Spider-Boy has appeared in only two comics.
Spider-Man had gone 35 years without a “boy” or “lad” version. It should have stayed that way. There’s only one Spider-Man. Besides, wasn’t the original Spider-Man a boy himself?
Posted in Comic Books, Lame Superheroes | 8 Comments »
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
Real Name: Tenzil Kem
First Appearance: Adventure Comics #303 (1962)
Affiliations: Legion of Super Heroes
Associates: Shrinking Violet, Brainiac 5
Lame Abilities: Can bite and eat all forms of matter…without gaining a pound
Another lame lad, Matter Eater has one of the stupidest super powers in comicdom. He can eat matter! Doesn’t sound impressive? Well, Matter Eater Lad can eat anything, even Taco Bell after drinking all night…kind of like Kirstie Alley before she met Jenny Craig. Except, of course, Matter Eater Lad doesn’t gain any weight.
Matter Eater Lad is a member of that super lame team of heroes from the 30th century, the Legion of Super Heroes. Matter Eater, whose real name is Tenzil Kem, comes from the planet Bismoll (a play on Pepto Bismol). All inhabitants of the planet have the same super-eating ability of Matter Eater Lad. As the lame lad explains, “Gradually, over a period of eons, microbes made all food there poisonous… Just as gradually, evolution transformed my race so we could eat anything without being harmed!” Huh? Why didn’t they just adapt to the damn “poison” then? According to the super eater, ray guns taste good, iron chains taste like chocolate cake, and sucking on a metal pipe is, well, use your imagination. (more…)
Posted in Comic Books, Lame Superheroes | 15 Comments »
Saturday, April 21st, 2007
Jay Santos had just about the geekiest idea ever — to do a comic combining his three loves — “Battlestar Galactica,” “The Terminator,” and, yes, “TechTV.” Santos says, “I’m a huge Sci-Fi and TechTV geek. I fell in love with ‘Battlestar Galactica’… I was thinking about Cylons and somehow Terminators popped into my head. Be kind of funny if Battlestar Galactica left Caprica and then escaped from the Cylons and then they get to Earth — and then they find out what the frack! They have toasters too. So I decided to write a fan-based comic book.”
Then, things got even geekier. Santos decided “to write many of the people [from TechTV] directly into my comic book as part of the resistance fighting the machines.” Characters include Diggnation’s Kevin Rose and Alex Albrecht and “Attack of the Show” co-hosts Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn.
The 120-page comic, titled “Battlestar Galactica Vs. Skynet,” will be available for free online. Santos has a few artists working on it, but he needs more help. Interested artists should email him at zoomtechtv@yahoo.com.
Posted in Comic Books, News | No Comments »
Thursday, April 19th, 2007
The nominess for the 2007 Eisner Awards have been announced. Ballots will be going out in May to comics creators, editors, publishers, and retailers. The results will be announced in a gala awards ceremony July 27 at the San Diego Convention Center.
See full list of nominees below. (more…)
Posted in Comic Books, News | No Comments »
Tuesday, April 17th, 2007
BATMAN AND THE MAD MONK
Art and story by Matt Wagner
I have a bad habit of judging books by their covers. That’s why I have such a shitty comic-book collection, which includes such titles as “US 1,” “Jemm, Son of Saturn,” and something called “Obnoxio the Clown Vs. the X-Men.” So, learning from past experience, I snatched up “Batman and the Mad Monk” the second I saw the cover. Though, this time I got lucky.
The six-issue mini-series, by Matt Wagner, has some of the best covers I’ve seen in a long time. Inspired by classic Batman stories and 1930s movie serials, “Batman and the Mad Monk” is the second part of Wagner’s “Dark Moon Rising” series, which began with “Batman and the Monster Men.” The new series, which has been collected in a trade paperback (available April 18), takes place during the “Batman: Year One” era and nicely captures the style of the Frank Miller - Dave Mazzucchelli book, though it lacks some of its predecessor’s grittiness (but we’re talking Frank Miller here). In the story, Bats is on the trail of the Mad Monk, a mysterious villain in a red hood and robe who likes to kidnap young ladies and drain them of their blood. Meanwhile, Captain Gordon fights police corruption and begins to cement his burgeoning relationship with the Bat-Man. It’s based on a 1939 “Detective Comics” story called “Batman Versus the Vampire.”
It’s a worthwhile story. Nothing mind-blowing here. The comic’s real treat is Wagner’s art. It’s like a Fleischer Superman cartoon in comic form, full of retro coolness. If you’re a Batman fan or a fan of movie serials, definitely check this one out.
Posted in Comic Books, Reviews | 1 Comment »
Monday, April 16th, 2007
Real Name: Garth. Just Garth.
Aliases: Aquaboy, Gill-Head
First Appearance: Adventure Comics #269 (1960)
Associates: Aquaman, Aquagirl, manatees, dolphins
Lame Abilities: Communicates with underwater creatures, real good swimmer, fabulous legs, walrus straddling
Creators: Robert Bernstein, Ramona Fradon
Any time your name ends in the word “lad,” you just bought yourself a first-class ticket to lamesville. But if that wasn’t bad enough, Aqualad has the double bad luck of being the young (and strictly platonic) companion of Aquaman, one of the least respected and least masculine superheroes in the history of comics. Aqualad rides dolphins, gets into questionable positions with walruses (for evidence, check the photo to the left), and has smoother legs than Robin. To further his lameness, Aqualad was voiced by Wil Wheaton on the “Teen Titans” animated series. Not that Wil is really lame, but he’s not the most macho guy in the galaxy.
Aqualad, who’s real name is Garth, is an amphibious humanoid who was once a prince of Atlantis. He was left to die because of some Atlantean superstition about babies with purple eyes. As a little boy, he was terrified of fish. But after Aquaman found him, he cured Aqualad. The two had many underwater adventures together and the rest is lame history.
In the ’90s, Aqualad got a makeover. Ol’ Gill-Head reappeared as Tempest, a tough guy with mystical abilities who shoots purple energy blasts from his eyes. To increase his machismo, he even stole Aquaman’s lover, Dolphin, and married her. Take that, Aquaman!
Posted in Comic Books, Lame Superheroes | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, April 10th, 2007
Comic book fans have one more reason to check out New York’s Tribeca Film Festival. The big draw, of course, is the “Spider-Man 3″ premiere on April 30th, but the festival will also include the documentary “Will Eisner: Portrait of a Sequential Life,” about the life of the influential comic book creator.
“This is not only exciting for comic fans everywhere, it’s a testament to what the Tribeca Film Festival has come to stand for,” said the documentary’s director Andrew D. Cooke. “There’s a reason why this is one of the hottest festivals around. They’re not afraid to embrace the duality of filmmaking — the popcorn event picture on one hand and the low budget labor of love, which our documentary is, on the other.”
The film includes Stan Lee, Michael Chabon, Kurt Vonnegut, Jules Feiffer, Frank Miller, and many others sharing their stories about Eisner.
Will Eisner, who was born in Brooklyn, New York and created “The Spirit,” died in 2005 while the documentary was being made. He served as an inspiration to many of the biggest names in the comics industry. His life story was the inspiration for Michael Chabon’s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel “The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay” and “The Spirit” is being made into a feature film by Frank Miller.
The Tribeca Film Festival runs from April 25th to May 6th. For more information, visit tribecafilmfestival.org.
Posted in Comic Books, Movies, News | No Comments »
Tuesday, April 10th, 2007
AMERICAN SPLENDOR: ANOTHER DAY - VOL. 1
Written by Harvey Pekar; Art by Dean Haspiel, Eddie Campbell, Ty Templeton and others
Harvey Pekar’s four-issue Vertigo mini-series consists of boring, uninspired, pointless, self-indulgent non-stories. And I couldn’t stop reading them. I read each issue in one quick burst, then reached for the next one.
Confused? Let me clear that up.
I never read a Harvey Pekar comic before his Vertigo series, and only vaguely remember him from his “Late Night With David Letterman” appearances. Harvey came to my attention with the release of the “America Splendor” movie starring Paul Giamatti. In the movie Harvey is portrayed as a deeply neurotic schlub destined to always lose, an angry, ugly, little man (sorry, Harvey) who leads an uneventful life (unless you count his many setbacks and personal tragedies). I found the Harvey Pekar character fascinating.
His comics are much the same. “American Splendor” is an artless chronicle of one man’s life, an unadulterated look at a screwed-up, unglamorous man. In the black-and-white Vertigo series, which has been collected in a trade paperback called “American Splendor: Another Day,” you get to watch Harvey fix a toilet. Experience Harvey talking on the phone. Witness Harvey obsessing over his stepdaughter’s lost glasses. Overhear Harvey worrying about his comic sales. I found his comics fascinating, too.
I prefer stories that have plots and some attempt at resolutions. “American Splendor,” like life, has neither. The stories are simple and unadorned and, most importantly, honest. You get the sense you’re watching a real human being; Harvey’s artless style infuses his comics with a sincerity and realism that allows you to really connect with his character. It’s uplifiting to know someone like Harvey Pekar is still making comic books and telling his stories his way. Through it all, Harvey might be happy to know that his misery has had a positive effect on the world. At least in some small corner of it, anyway.
Posted in Comic Books, Reviews | No Comments »
Monday, April 9th, 2007
Real Name: Ulysses Solomon (U.S.) Archer
First Appearance: US 1 #1 (1983)
Associates: Poppa Wheelie, Wide Load Annie, Mary McGrill, Retread
Enemies: The Highwayman, Midnight, Baron van Blimp
Lame Abilities: Excellent athlete, tech expert, metal alloy skull that picks up CB transmissions and allows U.S. to head-butt like a bastard
Creators: Al Milgrom, Jim Shooter
The best lame comics have lame origin stories. “US 1″ came into exist not through the inspiration of a writer or artist; it was born in a marketing office. In the early 1980s Tyco created a line of electric trucking toys. A few years later they approached Marvel about doing a comic based on the toys. And Marvel bit.
Then, in 1983, in a lame reverse merchandising move, the “US 1″ comic hit the stands. And I bit. I was nine years old and excited to own a first issue of a series. This was an investment, I thought, that would pay off when I was in my early 30s, leading to an early retirement. Twenty-four years later “US 1″ comics are worth about six cents a copy and I am about 45 years away from retirement.
The hero of “US 1,” Ulysses Solomon Archer (U.S.A, get it?), graduated from college magna cum laude with a degree in computer program design and electronics engineering, among other things. He was quarterback of his football team. So, what does this athletic genius want to do with his life? Get hemorrhoids and drive a truck. Sounds like this guy shoots real low when it comes to career goals. (more…)
Posted in Comic Books, Lame Superheroes | 3 Comments »
Saturday, April 7th, 2007
What good is Wonder Woman’s invisible plane, when her body is visible when she flies inside it?
The best feature of the plane is that anyone on the ground looking up will get an awesome view.
Bonus question: How does she find the plane later on?
Posted in Blogzarro Questions, Comic Books | 5 Comments »
Thursday, April 5th, 2007
It’s the day all penny-pinching fanboys love, a day when comics rain down from the heavens, a day I like to call Free Comic Book Day! It’s coming Saturday, May 5, to a comic book store near you, and it is no dream.
The annual event has be going strong for years, and is a great way to get your loved ones introduced to the magical world of comics — or just gobble up free comics for yourself.
This year more than 40 titles will be available. Highlights include “Amazing Spider-Man Swing Shift,” “Transformers: The Movie Prequel #1,” “Umbrella Academy / Zero Killer / Pantheon City” three-in-one, “Legion of Super Heroes in the 31st Century,” “Justice League of America #0,” and “Astounding Wolf-Man #1.”
Below is a complete list of available titles: (more…)
Posted in Comic Books, News | No Comments »
Monday, April 2nd, 2007
Real Name: Terry Sloane
First Appearance: Sensation Comics # 1 (1942)
Affiliations: Justice Society of America, All-Star Squadron
Lame Abilities: Genius-level intellect, Olympic-level athletic abilities, photographic memory, superior math skills, easily led to suicidal thoughts
Creators: Charles Resizenstein, Hal Sharpe
There are so many reasons why Mr. Terrific has the honor of kicking off Blogzarro’s Lame Superhero of the Week series. But this is the clincher: Mr. T. defeats his first nemesis, a gangster named Big Shot, by doing math. That’s right, he challenges Big Shot to a math-off, and when the dunce fails to add up the numbers, Mr. Terrific swoops in, adds like a mothertrucker, and saves the day. Thus is born Mr. Terrific, the human dynamo who is stumped by nothing! It’s one of the lamest origin stories in comicdom. But let’s back up and find out how it all really began.
Terry Sloane began life as a child prodigy who excels at everything, academics, sports, social situations. But all the success is a bit too much for him (obviously, he doesn’t excel at being well-adjusted), which leads Terry to contemplate suicide. “I’ve done everything I’ve wanted to do,” he thinks, as he races along in his convertible. “The bridge — ah, there’s an idea. Death — that’s the only thing I haven’t experienced yet.” And this guy’s a genius! (more…)
Posted in Comic Books, Lame Superheroes | 12 Comments »
Wednesday, March 21st, 2007
If Bizarro does everything the opposite of Superman, then why doesn’t he wear his cape in the front?
Posted in Blogzarro Questions, Comic Books | 2 Comments »
Monday, March 19th, 2007
Blogzarro has started a petition to save Captain America. Read the petition below and then sign it at PetitionOnline.com.
Dear Marvel Comics:
We, the undersigned, demand that the comic-book hero Captain America, who was assassinated in “Captain America #25,” be resurrected and allowed to continue his run as a major figure in the Marvel Universe.
Debuting in 1941, Captain America was one of the oldest and most beloved superheroes in the history of comics. Far from being irrelevant in recent years, the iconic hero was a major figure in Marvel’s immensely successful “Civil War” series. It is ridiculous to kill off the red, white, and blue super soldier now, when he is more popular than he has been in many years.
However, Captain America’s “death” might just be a publicity stunt to increase comic book sales. Comic book companies are notorious for their cheap ploys and gimmicks to drum up business. In 1993 Superman was “killed” in a well-publicized series. Of course, the media hype was misleading and the Man of Steel was resurrected a few issues later.
There is nothing wrong with a story that features the apparent death of a character who at the end of the tale returns to life. What’s wrong is leading the media and the public to believe that the character has really bit the dust — for the sole purpose of creating a buzz and increasing sales. That is an unfair and unethical practice.
We, the undersigned, further demand that the comic book companies stop pretending to kill off popular characters and stop misleading the public for the sake of a boost in sales.
If Captain America is truly dead, the world of comics will be much poorer. But if this is a publicity stunt, please spare us the misleading media blitzes in the future. True comic book fans don’t care about these ploys or read a book just because they saw a story on CNN.
We, the undersigned, demand: “Stop killing our heroes!” ‘Nuff said.
Sincerely,
The Undersigned
Sign this petition at PetitionOnline.com
Posted in Comic Books, News | 4 Comments »
Loading ...
