Blogzarro Question #14

With all the chaos and crime in Gotham City, don’t you think everyone would move?

Posted in Blogzarro Questions, Comic Books | 4 Comments »

Caption This Comic Panel! #9

Last Winning Caption: From Mister Sinister: “I wanted a strap-on, but NOT LIKE THIS!”

Posted in Captions, Comic Books, Humor | 10 Comments »

REVIEW: Twisted ToyFare Theater 10th Anniversary Collection

Twisted ToyFare Theater’s 10th Anniversary Collection is all kinds of awesome. Okay, it’s actually one kind of awesome: superhero dolls making potty jokes. But that’s more than enough.

If you’re not familiar with Twisted ToyFare Theater, it’s a photographic comic strip starring classic Mego superhero dolls of the 1970s and the cartoon-based toys of the 1980s. The strip, which appears every month in ToyFare magazine, inspired Adult Swim’s “Robot Chicken.” In fact, many of the early writers of Twisted ToyFare Theater went on to write “Robot Chicken.”

This 10th Anniversary Collection, published by Wizard Entertainment, features the 25 best strips in Twisted ToyFare Theater history. The zaniness includes a day in the life of Wolverine, supervillain Jeopardy, a pugilistic Alan Moore, zombie Smurfs, an uber-randy Capt. Kirk, a Jewish Thing, and a Mexican Spider-Man. But that’s not all. There are character bios, commentary, a brand-new strip that parodies “Inside the Actors Studio,” and much more. I haven’t laughed this much while reading since, well, I don’t think I ever laughed this much while reading.

If you’re a fan of “Robot Chicken,” if you’re a fan of Twisted ToyFare, if you’re a fan of Spider-Man in a sombrero, if you’re a fan of laughing your ass off, find your credit card immediately and order this book. Then thank me.

Posted in Comic Books, Reviews | No Comments »

Caption This Comic Cover! #8

Last Week’s Winning Caption: From Giddy Goo: “Superboy, this is going to hurt me a lot more than it’s going to hurt you.” “Hurt me? That ain’t kryptonite you feel against your leg.”

Posted in Captions, Comic Books, Humor | 24 Comments »

Caption This Comic Cover! #7

Last Week’s Winning Caption: From HAL-9000: “This is what happens when you don’t swallow!”

Posted in Captions, Comic Books, Humor | 17 Comments »

Incredible Change-Bots Review

INCREDIBLE CHANGE-BOTS
Top Shelf Productions
Release Date: August 1, 2007
By Jeffrey Brown

“Incredible Change-Bots,” a graphic novel by writer and artist Jeffrey Brown, is a gut-busting parody/tribute to the animated Transformers series of the ’80s. Fans unhappy with Michael Bay’s movie will probably prefer Brown’s screwball handling of the robots in disguise, who are featured more prominently in this story than their big-screen counterparts.

The story is familiar to Transformers fans. “Far away in space, there is a planet full of robots able to change from robot form to vehicle form — the Incredible Change-Bots! Leaving their war-torn planet, the Change-Bots arrive on Earth, where their battle continues.” The Autobots here are replaced with the Awesomebots, led by Big Rig, and their enemies are the Fantasticons, led by the maniacal Shootertron. They spend most of the story fighting each other over energy cubes, and skewering the Transformers legacy.

“Incredible Change-Bots” captures the true spirit and silliness of the original Transformers. It’s part parody, part nostalgic tribute. Jeffrey Brown does a great job of returning the reader to the era of the original Transformers and showing what made them so awesome and so silly. It’s a hilarious and fun look at those robots in disguise.

Posted in Comic Books, Reviews | 1 Comment »

Caption This Comic Panel #6

Last Week’s Winning Caption: From Kevin: “And that’s the Fantastic Five, bitch!”

Posted in Captions, Comic Books, Humor | 26 Comments »

Caption This Comic Panel #5

Last Week’s Winning Captions: From Blastoman: “Can you warm it with your heat vision before you start? That fortress of yours makes it feel like I have a popsicle in my ass. And dont call me your little Kryptonian pillow biter!”

From Kevin: “Damn you, Make A Wish Foundation! When I said I wanted to know superman intimately, it wasn’t — it wasn’t L-LIKE THIS.”

From Jibba-jabba: “If Batman — *sniff* — finds out about this — *sniff* — you’re screwed!”

Posted in Captions, Comic Books, Humor | 37 Comments »

Caption This Comic Panel #4

Last Week’s Winning Caption: From Randy: Red Lion: “Admit it! The world needed a Voltron movie LONG before it needed a Transformers movie!” OP: “We can work this out! I have Michael Bay’s private phone number!”

Posted in Captions, Comic Books, Humor | 24 Comments »

The Best of Blogzarro

How can a blog so terrible, so intrinsically bad, so offensive and puerile have a best-of? Well, it can. The other day a young man asked me, “Isn’t ‘The Best of Blogzarro’ kinda like a Great White greatest hits album?” After gut-punching the young man when he wasn’t looking and then arguing that even crap has differing levels of quality, I said, “Who the hell are you? And how did you know about the ‘Best of Blogzarro’ post before I even published it?” Nevertheless, I present the greatest and most popular posts of the first six months of Blogzarro’s existence. Perhaps you missed one or all of them. Now is the time to catch up. If you would like to learn more about the art of gut-punching or Blogzarro, head over to your local library (or just hit the links under the ‘categories’ section to your right).

1 | Lame Superhero of the Week: She-Thing

Wherein I discuss the pros and cons of a relationship with a rock creature. By the way, I’m all for it.

2 | Wonder Woman and the Phallic Menace

Wherein I infiltrate the secret world of phalluses and superheroines and prove that neither comes out the victor.

3 | The 20 Greatest Spider-Man Villains

Wherein I create a list that no one agrees on.

4 | The Bizarre, The Bad, The Bawdy Baseball Names

Wherein I get to write the words “rusty” and “kuntz” without referring to sex.

5 | The 10 Coolest ‘Fictional’ Trucks

Wherein I compile one of the stupidest lists of all time.

6 | Other Amusement Rides That Should Be Turned Into Movies

Wherein I prove that I have what it takes to pitch a blockbuster movie and bring laughter where there was only sadness.

7 | An Intro to Dubious Sexual Terminology

Wherein I use the word “Donkey Punch,” which results in thousands of hits from people searching Google for filthy sexual acts.

8 | Top 10 Rejected Transformers

Wherein I create my own robots in disguise and subsequently piss off a lot of Transformers fans.

9 | Lame Superhero of the Week: The Gay Ghost

Wherein I make many cheap gay jokes and at least one expensive one.

10 | Top 10 Ways George Lucas Hasn’t Sold-Out Star Wars

Wherein I take on the mighty George Lucas and prevail.

Posted in Comic Books, Humor, Movies, Television | 1 Comment »

Caption This Comic Panel #3: Transformers Edition

Last Week’s Winning Caption: From Kevin: Yellow Thing: “And yet, in getting what she always wanted, Lois discovers that it’s really not what she wanted at all.” Superman Robot: “So you’re going to let me go?” Lois: “No, I paid for a sex bot and I’m GETTING a sex bot.”

Posted in Captions, Comic Books, Humor | 9 Comments »

The 10 Coolest ‘Fictional’ Trucks

Optimus Prime is getting all the attention with the hype surrounding the “Transformers” movie. But what of those trucks that have come before and after the great Autobot leader? Blogzarro has scoured the world of movies, television, and comics to compile a list of the coolest trucks ever assembled. Here, I present another useless, idiotic list. Enjoy!

1 | OPTIMUS PRIME (Transformers) Optimus isn’t just a damn truck. Aintcha heard, junior? He’s a robot in disguise. That makes Optimus Prime twice as cool as these other mere mortal trucks. How do you compete with a semi-truck equipped with a big-ass gun? Plus, he could kick any of these other guys’ tailpipes with one hand tied behind his back. However, I always thought the coolest thing about Prime was his deep, authoritative voice. But then I learned that Peter Cullen (Optimus Prime) is also the voice of Eeyore. So I can’t watch Winnie the Pooh without thinking, “Eeyore is freakin’ Optimus Prime!” Consequently, Eeyore has now become cooler than Tigger, but still not as cool as Piglet.

2 | GOLIATH (Knight Rider) Coolness factor? Other than the fact that Goliath was driven by an evil, goateed David Hasselhoff, aka Garthe Knight? Because it doesn’t get any better than that in my book. Thousands of young fanboys in the ’80s gasped when they thought KITT was down for the count after a collision with Goliath. Plus, the Knight Rider race track was the most highly anticipated Christmas gift of my childhood and allowed me to recreate the famed collision in my own home.

3 | ROAD RAGE TANK TRUCK (Duel) Before “Jaws,” Steven Spielberg brought terror to the highway with “Duel,” a 1971 TV movie about a businessman terrorized by a psycho in a rusty Peterbilt tank truck. This was way before anyone ever heard of the phrase “road rage” or the name Steven Spielberg. Think of “Duel” as “Jaws” on the highway.

(more…)

Posted in Comic Books, Movies, Television | 42 Comments »

Caption This Comic Panel #2

Last Week’s Winning Caption: From Adam: “When I told that genie I wanted a wiener like a horse between my legs, this was not what I had in mind!!!”

Posted in Captions, Comic Books, Humor | 12 Comments »

Lame Superhero of the Week: The Mess

Real Name: Unknown
First Appearance: Adventure Comics #330 (1965)
Aliases: Dirt Bag, Super Pig Pen
Creators: Jerry Siegel, Jim Mooney
Lame Abilities: Attracts dirt and consequently flies, disgusts humans, does a great impersonation of a homeless guy on the subway

The Legion of Super Heroes is a lame costumed adventurer’s wet dream. Their ranks include the pathetic heroes Matter Eater Lad, Triplicate Girl, and Bouncing Boy. So, you have to be really lame to be rejected by these losers. That’s what happened to The Mess, a superhero so lame he doesn’t even have a Wikipedia entry.

He was created by writer Jerry Siegel, who has the distinction of giving the world the greatest superhero, Superman, as well as the worst, The Mess. The dirt bag, whose “amazing” power is attracting dirt, first appeared in “Adventure Comics” #330 in 1965, a time when being filthy was groovy. He applies for membership in the Legion along with Eye-ful Ethel, a girl who has eyes all around her head so she can see in every direction, but both are rejected in favor of Dynamo-Boy, who impresses the Legion by re-invigorating a feeble old man after zapping him with radiation. So, being rejected by the Legion of Super Heroes is like being turned down for a date by that ugly fat chick whom you only ask out because you think it’s a sure thing.

The Mess recently appeared on the “The Legion of Super Heroes” animated series, where he was once again rejected.

In the right situation, his power could come in handy. If you needed your car cleaned in a jiffy, The Mess could suck the dirt right off. He could probably raise dirt storms. He also probably smells so bad that no villain would want to go near him. I’m sure The Mess can be re-imagined into a viable superhero. I’d call him The F—ing Mess and his motto would be “The F—ing Mess: He’s Gonna Clean Up the City’s Filth!” He’d be equipped with dirt bombs, nausea-inducing gas pellets, and an army of flies who’d do his bidding. His arch-nemesis would be the Filth Monger. Hey, I have to make a call to DC now!

(Thanks to Zep at The In-Sect for tipping me off about The Mess. Check out his own list of lame superheroes here.)

Posted in Comic Books, Lame Superheroes | 4 Comments »

Caption This Comic Panel #1

Posted in Captions, Comic Books, Humor | 28 Comments »