Blogzarro Questions
Friday, June 29th, 2007
Why is it that whenever somebody hears a creepy sound in a horror story, they always rattle off a laundry list of possible, innocuous explanations for it? “Oh, it must be that damn cat again.” Then the noise gets louder. “Hmmm. It doesn’t sound like Jinxy. Must be the wind.” Now, the noise is right outside the door and is followed by a demonic howl. “Damn kids must be watching TV again. I’ll just go back to reading this book.”
Then the monster eats the idiot.
Whenever I hear a strange sound at night, I immediately think, “Shit, it’s a fucking monster.” I then grab whatever is handy — usually a hockey stick or plastic fork — throw on all the lights, open all the closet doors, and wake up my wife, shouting, “There’s a fucking monster in the house!”
Posted in Blogzarro Questions, Humor | 4 Comments »
Thursday, June 21st, 2007
Why the hell do superheroes need secret identities?
Supposedly, the secret identities protect the superheroes’ loved ones. Because, god forbid, if Lex Luthor knew that Lois Lane is really married to Superman, then she’d be in terrible danger. Oh, wait, Lois Lane is in danger in every freakin’ Superman story.
Name a superhero movie in which the superhero’s significant other wasn’t kipnapped or threatened by the villain. In “Spider-Man 2″ even poor Aunt May was almost killed by Doc Ock. So, let’s can the secret identities already.
Flash Gordon never needed a damn secret identity.
Posted in Blogzarro Questions, Comic Books, Humor | 5 Comments »
Friday, June 15th, 2007
Fact: Chewbacca is over seven feet tall. Fact: Chewbacca doesn’t wear any clothes.
So, how come no one’s ever seen any Wookiee twigs and berries?
He’s hairy, but not that hairy.
I would think a creature of that size would sport a large manhood. Are Wookiee’s not anatomically correct? And could this lack account for their short tempers?
Posted in Blogzarro Questions, Humor | 8 Comments »
Friday, June 8th, 2007
How come whenever a movie killer chases you in the woods, you always take a quick glance behind you…you inevitably stumble and fall…and as you look up — there’s the psycho standing right in front of you?
Guys like Jason and Michael Myers know you’re going to look back and fall — that’s why you never see them run after anyone. They just saunter after their victims, wait for them to take a spill, and then splat!
The moral of the story: never look back.
Posted in Blogzarro Questions, Humor, Movies | 7 Comments »
Saturday, May 26th, 2007
How does Hollywood think we lost the Vietnam War (or Conflict, if you insist), if we had Arnold Schwarzenneger (Commando), Chuck Norris (Missing in Action), and Sylvester Stallone (Rambo) fighting on our side?
Each one of those guys could defeat an army of Vietcong by himself — though, interestingly, they did their silver-screen ass-whupping after the conflict. Where was John Matrix, John Rambo, and Col. James Braddock when the actual war was being fought? They can’t show that movie, can they?
Posted in Blogzarro Questions, Movies | 6 Comments »
Saturday, April 28th, 2007
Why is the classic Spider-Man character nothing like a real spider?
He can’t shoot webs biologically (the orignal Spider-Man had to create web shooters); he doesn’t have eight legs or eight eyes; and he doesn’t produce venom. His only connection to real spiders is the fact that he was bitten by a radioactive arachnid and that he can cling to walls and has “spidey sense.” He has superhuman strength, too, but so does the non-spider-like Superman.
Posted in Blogzarro Questions, Humor | 4 Comments »
Saturday, April 21st, 2007
If Bizarro is the opposite of Superman, then wouldn’t it stand to reason that he’d have a vagina?
But then that’s assuming Superman is anatomically correct, and that’s a whole other question. To be continued…
Posted in Blogzarro Questions, Humor | 3 Comments »
Saturday, April 7th, 2007
What good is Wonder Woman’s invisible plane, when her body is visible when she flies inside it?
The best feature of the plane is that anyone on the ground looking up will get an awesome view.
Bonus question: How does she find the plane later on?
Posted in Blogzarro Questions, Comic Books | 5 Comments »
Friday, April 6th, 2007
What’s so good about Friday anyway?
Posted in Blogzarro Questions, Humor | 3 Comments »
Wednesday, March 21st, 2007
If Bizarro does everything the opposite of Superman, then why doesn’t he wear his cape in the front?
Posted in Blogzarro Questions, Comic Books | 2 Comments »
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