Posted by James A. in Humor, Jokes, One-Liners, Observations
on Oct 17th, 2007 | 3 comments
FAT PEOPLE
- Attention, fat people: you’re not fooling anyone by wearing black…. We know you’re fat. “Hey, is that a fat guy?” “I can’t tell; his black clothing is blending into the ether.” If you don’t want to look fat, it’s simeple — lose weight.
- Never follow a fat man carrying the Sunday Times into the bathroom.
PORN
- Occasionally masturbate with your left hand. There are three bonuses: 1) It’ll feel like you’re getting a handjob from a stranger. 2) With time, you could become ambidextrous. 3) It’ll free your dominant hand for the mouse.
- If you don’t have cable porn, try the Spanish channels. They have gotten me through some really rough patches.
POLITENESS
- Never ask someone how he’s doing if you think he might tell you how he’s doing.
- Never look a gift-horse in the mouth. Be a man and look him in the eye!
HOUSE CLEANING TIME-SAVERS
- Get carpets the color of dust.
- Eat everything on napkins over your kitchen sink.
- If you’re patient, the Environmental Protection Agency will clean it up.
- Get a wife.
FAT PEOPLE:
Cruel…. but true oops lol
POLITENESS
* yeap, unless you have all the time in the world to listen to stuff u nver wanted to know in the first place lol
hahaha this is some great stuff!
getting a hand job from a stranger? it helps if you sit on your hand for an hour and cut off the blood circuit. not that i do that.
I just love fat, lazy people – leads them to be stupid. It’s harsh, but I know plenty of that combination who just stagger me with their intellect:
“The Nazis were behind WW1″, yes – that’s right World War 1. And This git wouldn’t back down, following up with “I think you’ll find they were”.
And masturbating with your off-hand is a really great exercise. It does go some way to making you ambidextrous. Or at least show you how any skill learned with one hand, can be learned by another :D