Top 10 Signs You Might Be a Zombie
By James Aquilone on August 9th, 2007
10. On your dinner menu for the past 467 nights: Brains.
9. Your dream woman? Anna Nicole Smith, post mortem.
8. You’re up all night moaning and drinking blood (sorry, that’s a sign you’re Billy Bob Thornton).
7. Your day job for the past four years: Pounding on the back door of an isolated farm house.
6. Your parents named you Uuuuhhhhhnnn.
5. You often say to your wife: “You know what would go really well with this pasta? Flesh of the living!”
4. You’re attracted to women with exposed spleens.
3. You enjoy playing such British Invasion tunes as “She’s Not There” and “Time of the Season” (sorry again, that’s a sign you’re a member of the 1960s band The Zombies).
2. Your second biggest pet peeve: Your right arm falls off whenever you try to masturbate.
1. Your biggest pet peeve: Your penis fell off two years ago.
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August 9th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Damn…you can use some of those for your next top 10 list…10 Reasons Why it Would Suck to be a Zombie.
That thing about your penis falling off…I’m gonna have nightmares now!
August 9th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
My biggest fear of becoming a zombie has been my penis falling off. I wouldn’t mind eating brains so much, but if my penis fell off, I’d be bummed.
December 12th, 2009 at 11:01 am
if u were a zombie you wouldnt be hor ny or pee so u wouldnt need a penis. DUH! #11: u appreciate women for their brains.
May 26th, 2010 at 9:19 am
My top 5 favorite zombie films in no particular order are Dawn of the Dead (1978 original), Fulci’s Zombie, Revenge of the Loving Dead, Dead Snow, and Zombie Holocaust. As you can tell, I’m a fan of Italian horror. Love the classic 80s gut munchers. Day of the Dead (again, the original!) is one of my favorites too.