The Rules of Porn
By James Aquilone on July 17th, 2007
- The ugly, fat chick will f**k really good, and loudly.
- Anytime someone masturbates, he or she will get caught, and then get f**ked.
- Whenever a man and woman are left alone, they will f**k.
- Whenever two women are left alone, they will f**k.
- Whenever a woman removes a piece of clothing, even a hat or sock, she will get f**ked.
- Any woman who appears on screen, sooner or later, will get f**ked.
- The chick with the smallest tits will get f**ked up the ass.
- The hairy guy will have a really big penis.
- Anyone who catches a couple having sex will eventually join in.
- There will be an uncomfortably long closeup of a guy’s face while he’s in the throes of passion. Also, there will be an equally long shot of that guy’s ass as he bangs some chick.
- At least one of these problems will be evident on a starlet: a zit on her ass, a horrible tattoo on her ass cheek or breast, or razor burn around her private area.
- All problems in the plot will be caused by sex; on the other hand, all problems will be solved through sex.
- If a girl is having sex with Ron Jeremy, at one point her expression will reveal her inner disgust.
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July 18th, 2007 at 12:24 am
Damn. Rule number six IS true, now that I think about it.
http://www.reidaboutit.com
July 18th, 2007 at 3:25 am
@Reid
They’re all true. I did research!
July 18th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Heh. This kind of research is so important, you should apply for a government grant.
July 18th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
As one of the world’s hairy guys, I thank you for spreading this around.
July 19th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Very nice list. The blemish rule is true. Sometimes you can spot a rectalwart.com
July 19th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
WTF! Gurls love Ron Jeremy.
July 20th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Wow these are so accurate it’s creepy, especially #6
July 20th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
[...] The Rules of Porn (tags: lijstje porn sex) [...]
July 20th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
You know, if you leave out the Ron Jeremy clause, the Rules of Porn are also the Rules of Second Life.
January 27th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
no matter how young the girl suppose to be she will a tattoo or a peirceing on her lower lips, thus throwing out the I’m barly 18 effect.
July 21st, 2008 at 3:11 am
yo dude that was great and fucking funny great job