101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes
By James A. on July 19th, 2007
If “The Simpsons” have taught us anything it’s that two-dimensional characters are funnier than three-dimensional ones. There are as many great Simpsons quotes as there are Republicans in hell, which is another way to say “a lot.” For 18 years the residents of Springfield have been piling up the wittiest quotes ever uttered on TV. So, before the animated series hits the silver screen next week, here are the best quotes in Simpsons television history, in no particular order…
- Homer: D’oh.
- Ralph: Me fail English? That’s unpossible.
- Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”
- Sideshow Bob: No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.
- Troy McClure: Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!
- Comic Book Guy: The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
- Homer: Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!
- Ned Flanders: I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!
- Comic Book Guy: Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies.
- Chief Wiggum: Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.
- Sideshow Bob: I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
- Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.
- Nelson: Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!
- Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*
- Lionel Hutz: Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.”
- Comic Book Guy: Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
- Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.
- Homer: Save me, Jeebus.
- Mayor Quimby: I stand by my racial slur.
- Comic Book Guy: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
- Homer: You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
- Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?
- Homer: Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
- Homer: Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
- Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?
- Chief Wiggum: Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!
- Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Marge, just about everything’s a sin. [holds up a Bible] Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom.
- Homer: You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity.
- Smithers: Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.”
- Hans Moleman: I was saying “Boo-urns.”
- Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
- Homer: Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.
- Homer: When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!
- Chief Wiggum: I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
- Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
- Homer: Homer no function beer well without.
- Duffman: Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!
- Grandpa Simpson: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
- Homer: Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
- Troy McClure: Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!”
- Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.
- Homer: Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
- Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!
- Mr. Burns: I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
- Kent Brockman: …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
- Ralph: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.
- Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut.
- Homer: You don’t win friends with salad.
- Mr. Burns: I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children.
- Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?
- Chief Wiggum: They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.
- Mr. Burns: Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?
- Homer: He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?!
- Comic Book Guy: But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life.
- Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
- Superintendent Chalmers: I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…
- Mr. Burns: What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?
- Homer: Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.
- Ralph: Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.
- Homer: Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?
- Frink: Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing?
- Apu: Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work.
- Milhouse: We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.
- Mr. Burns: A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.
- Homer: Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
- Milhouse: Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish!
- Homer: I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!
- Smithers: I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die.
- Barney: Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!
- Principal Skinner: That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.
- Sideshow Bob: Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!
- Barney: Jesus must be spinning in his grave!
- Superintendent Chalmers: “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.
- Mr. Burns: [answering the phone] Ahoy hoy?
- Comic Book Guy: Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!
- Marge: Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
- Homer: What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.
- Marge: Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train!
- Bill Gates: I didn’t get rich by signing checks.
- Principal Skinner: Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.
- Homer: Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk.
- Homer: And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.
- Comic Book Guy: Human contact: the final frontier.
- Homer: I hope I didn’t brain my damage.
- Krusty the Clown: And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
- Homer: I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
- Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable? What a country.
- Homer: Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.
- Comic Book Guy: Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition.
- Nelson: Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.
- Krusty the Clown: Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…
- Milhouse: I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency.
- Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.
- Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
- Apu: Thank you, steal again.
- Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
- Ed Begley Jr.: I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.
- Bart: I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.
- Homer: How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
- Homer: Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
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July 19th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
[...] read more | digg story [...]
July 19th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Come on, I know that one of the quotes about Canada is worth being put up here.
July 19th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
What?! A poll for favourite Simpson’s character WITHOUT Ralph?! Blasphemy!
Ralph is the best.
July 19th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Awesome!
Let’s not forget:
HOMER: No beer and no TV make Homer go something something…
COMIC GUY (covering the ripped ass of his pants): Engage cloaking device.
HOMER (to Lisa): Who the hell are you? The narrator?
July 19th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
“mmm…. donuts” isn’t one of them? lol!
“you’re supposed to be a helper monkey”
“god schmod - I want my monkey-man!”
“I ate my wookie.”
July 19th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
[...] YouTube Link to Article bill gates 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes » Posted at Blogzarro on Thursday, July 19, 2007 [ The Simpsons]If “The Simpsons” have taught us anything it’s that two-dimensional characters are funnier than three-dimensional ones. There are as many great Simpsons quotes as there are Republicans in hell, which is another way to say “a lot.” For 18 years the residents of Springfield have been piling up the wittiest quotes ever uttered on TV View Entire Article » [...]
July 19th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
@Nick
Fixed!
Ralph is on the poll now! Minor oversight.
July 19th, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Don’
July 19th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
Don’t forget:
Reverend Lovejoy: Apu, we heard you were one of those pagan Hindus or something…
Apu: By the thousand arms of Vishnu, I swear it is a lie!
July 19th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
‘comic book guy’ sez your quote about ‘A woman is a lot like a refrigerator’ is actually by abraham ‘grandpa’ simpson, not homer.
still, great list…
July 19th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Homer: Remember Marge, it’s uterus not uteryou
July 19th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Ralph Wiggum: I bent my wookie
July 19th, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Emergency worker: Man alive! there are men alive in here.
July 19th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Barney: “Sure thing, giant beer!”
July 19th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
my favorite quote is when homer is at mr. burns’ mansion and burns wants him to leave, and homer says “what!? are you going to release the dogs? or the bees? or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you!?” thanks for the list, it is extremely funny!
July 19th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
[...] Las 101 mejores citas de los Simpsons (ING)blogzarro.com/?p=223 por Geekgirl hace pocos segundos [...]
July 19th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
“10668844 Says:
Come on, I know that one of the quotes about Canada is worth being put up here.”
Ooh is it this one? “Lets sing a national anthem, but lets sing Canada’s a peaceful one unlike our war driven anthem”
Not word for word but good enough right?
July 19th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
[...] 101 Greatest Simpson Quotes 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes—‘nuf said… [...]
July 19th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
the fridge quote is by Homer, it’s when he gets really drunk telling bart about the ‘birds and the bees’
July 19th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Ralph Wiggum: “Hi super nintendo Chalmers.”
July 19th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
How about this one from Ralph: “My kitty’s breath smells like cat food.:
July 19th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
Ahhh, the memories… Should buy the DVDs sometime
July 19th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
ahoy ahoy was originally proposed as a telephone greeting by Graham Bell. The joke refers to Mr. Burns’ age.
Also missing: HOMER: The goggles..they do nothing!
July 19th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
You forgot:
Homer: “Ok, brain let’s get things straight. You don’t like me, and i don’t like you, so let’s do this so i can go back to killing you with beer.”
July 19th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
[...] read more | digg story [...]
July 19th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
@Ross
“Also missing: HOMER: The goggles..they do nothing! ”
Homer didn’t say that. That was Rainer Wolfcastle when he played Radioactive Man.
July 19th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
Ralph Wiggum after tasting pepper spray, “It tastes like burning!”
July 19th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
One of my favorite Homer quotes is when he goes to buy a gun and is told there’s a waiting period. He says, “But I’m angry now.”
July 19th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
What happened to “Eat My Shorts”??
July 19th, 2007 at 4:28 pm
Meltdown. It’s one of those annoying buzzwords. We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus.
–Monty Burns
July 19th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
THE GOGGLES …. THEY DO NOTHING !!!
July 19th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
I could crash him like an ant, but it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I’ll bide my time untill… Oh, what the hell. I’ll just crush him like an ant.
-Monty Burns
July 19th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Slow class students to Bart:
Student One: They think I’m slow b/c I’m from Canada, eh?
Student Two: I start fires.
Marge to Homer and Bart when their wheelbarrow of booze-filled bowling balls spills:
“Beee-eeeeerrrrr!?!?!?”
July 19th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
dont forget when Apu is getting robbed:
*Lights flashing*
“SILENT ALARM ACTIVATED”
July 19th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Im saying what about “Eat my Shorts” or Aye Karamba??
also, Homer Sexual???
July 19th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
homer: it takes 2 to lie, one to tell and one to listen
July 19th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
[...] Written by James A [...]
July 19th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Ralph Wiggum: “Hi super nintendo Chalmers.”
July 19th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Ralph: Go banana!
July 19th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Quality. And..
Reverend: We play Bingo,
Homer: Bingo! I love that game but I can’t remember what to say when you win.
Reverend: Bingo?
Homer: Bingo! thats my favorite game but i can’t remember what to say when you win.
Reverend: Why don’t you just say Yay I win.
Homer: Bingo!
Guess it’s not a single quote though!
July 19th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Um, hello, a credit to the phrases that entered the general lexion?
“Bonjourrrrr, yah cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys!”
July 19th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
My favorite:
“But Grandpa, that flag only has 49 stars on it!”
“I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missour-ah as a state!”
July 19th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Homer in space: “I’m going to bash you good!!”
July 19th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Homer (to lisa): In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
July 19th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
[...] In honor of the top 100 simpsons quotes I thought I’d start this off with someone else’s words. Then I’ll take credit for arranging it. [...]
July 19th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Smithers: …people see you as somewhat of an ogre
Mr Burns: I ought to club them and eat their bones
July 19th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Homer: Badger my ass, it is probably Milhouse.
July 19th, 2007 at 6:29 pm
Bart: You killed zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a zombie?
July 19th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
alex Says:
Ralph Wiggum after tasting pepper spray, “It tastes like burning!”
————
After pepper spray? No. He said that after he “ated the purple berries” in the Lord of the Flies episode, at which point he collapsed to the ground, groaning in agony.
July 19th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
Homer: “Don’t you hate pants?”
…
Lenny: “I concur… [everyone looks at him quizzically] - Word a day calendar [as he holds up an entry for CONQUER]“
July 19th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
Awesome list!
But where’s “Cromulent” and “embiggen”? I think I say those every day now…
July 19th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
At the chili cookoff, Marge stops near the front and is looking at a spicerack. She says, “EIGHT spices, there must be SOME duplicates!”
Also, right after that, Homer is getting antsy and wants to go taste some chili, so he tells her, “less artsy, more fartsy.” Classic.
July 19th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
pete says
Lenny: “I concur… [everyone looks at him quizzically] - Word a day calendar [as he holds up an entry for CONQUER]”
That was carl not lenny.
I laughed so hard while reading these quotes, I was too young to really appreciate the genius of the simpsons during the 90s. I gotta get DVDs of the old seasons.
July 19th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
Robot on fire:
“Why…why was i programmed to feel pain?”
HAHAHHAHAHHA
July 19th, 2007 at 7:24 pm
I though of another one…the wording might be a little off:
Marge: “Did you barricade the door?”
Homer: “What for?”
Marge: “The zombies!!”
Homer: “Ooohhhh, the zzzoommmbbiieeesss………no”
(Zombies break in)
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
July 19th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
Man, new quotes keep popping up:
In the episode “Homer goes to college” as Marge drops homer off.
Homer “Nnnnneeeeeerrrrrrrdddddd!!!!!”
also when Homer and Bart are watching the movie “School of Hard Knockers”
Corey: “Your bra bomb better work nerdlinger”
HAHAHAHAHHAHA
July 19th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
apu: “silly customer, you cannot kill a twinki”
while homer was going nutz in the kwiki mart and is doing something to a twinki for some reason…
July 19th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
[...] With thanks to Blogzarro for compiling 101 of them, these are my top 5: [...]
July 19th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
decent list…lacks a lot…and how the hell are you not going to have Skinner, Willie or Wiggum as favorite characters?!! these guys have a ton of good lines.
July 19th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
Homer: Urge to kill…RISING!
July 19th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
Barney: My name is Barney Gumble and I’m an alcoholic.
Lisa: But Mr. Gumble this is a Girl Scout meeting.
Barney: Is It? Or is it that you can’t admit you have a problem!
July 19th, 2007 at 8:31 pm
homer to bart and lisa: fine! stay here and rot with your grandfather
grandpa: i’m only rotting on the right side
homer: i’ll right side you!!!
July 19th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
C’mon guys it’s not easy to make a 101 best of list for the Simpsons , there have been soooo many good ones. I think this is a good list. Right in time to get me excited for the movie.
http://www.simpsonizeme.com
July 19th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
[...] Here’s a collection of the 101 Greatest Simpson’s Quotes. [...]
July 19th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
Lisa: “I am the Lizard Queen!!!”
July 19th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
Social Worker - Stupid babies require the MOST attention!
July 19th, 2007 at 8:50 pm
My favorite:
(after homer eats a piece of cheese that was meant for the dog, it had the dogs meds in it)
Homer: What happened to us, Marge? We used to feed other cheese and laugh all night…then came the heart attacks.
July 19th, 2007 at 8:55 pm
Homer - “Shut up boy, your tears aren’t going to bring your dog back. Unless they smell like dog food. So you can sit here eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food, or you can go out and look for him.
Bart - “You’re right!”
Homer - “Damn, I almost had him eating dog food.
July 19th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
Homer: Mmmm… floor pie.
-or-
Homer: Twenty dollars? But I want a peanut.
Homer’s conscience: Homer, with twenty dollars you can buy many peanuts.
July 19th, 2007 at 9:32 pm
what the hell !
what about nelson saying: AH ! AH !
???
July 19th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
[...] 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes Published July 20th, 2007 humour BlogZarro has just posted 101 of the greatest Simpsons quotes. Check them all out at: http://blogzarro.com/?p=223 [...]
July 19th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
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July 19th, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Homer: “Marge, you can’t kick me out of the house! you’ll cause a miscount on the census! a miscount!
July 19th, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Mr. Burns: What are you doing in my corpse hatch?
Chief Wiggum: Montgomery Burns, You are under arrest for attempted murder
Mr. Burns: Did I say corpse hatch? I meant innocence tube
July 19th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Homer: “Can’t get enough of that sugarcrisp”
Marge: “Homer, did you forget to put the fog lights in?”
Homer (To tune of sugarcrisp): Yes i forgot to put the fog lights in”
July 19th, 2007 at 10:14 pm
“Dental plan!” - Lenny
July 19th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
“Are you nuts? I can barely get through one show on Friday! Even with the…
(imitates snorting cocaine, shocking Bart and Lisa)
…uh, you know, smellin’ flowers? Such expensive flowers…filled with remorse.” - Krusty
July 19th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
You missed one that should’ve been in the top ten:
“You know, Fox turned into a hard core porn channel so gradually I didn’t even notice.” - Marge Simpson to Homer during the episode where Lisa gets knocked out at the fair and dream’s she’s grown up
July 19th, 2007 at 10:33 pm
marge, i’d like to be alone with the sandwich
July 19th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
FAIL. Many of the most popular quotes that are used frequently aren’t on the list.
July 19th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
Another one was in the now-banned segment of Space Homer which mocked Star Trek (read: Paramount) The Original Series Gamesters of Triskelion:
“Three Hundred Quatloos on the newcomer!”
July 19th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
Ralph’s “I’m Idaho!”…
a classic
July 19th, 2007 at 11:33 pm
“i call the big one bitey”
July 19th, 2007 at 11:33 pm
or another one…
Marge’s… “Run like the wind!”…
(say wind, as in winding up a clock)..
July 20th, 2007 at 12:38 am
Homer with an accent: “”First you get the sugar, then you get the
power, then you get the women”
July 20th, 2007 at 12:39 am
Hiya,
—–
“yoink”
—–
“I am so smart. S M R T.”
—–
Editor: Hey listen, I just had a thought. We’re looking for a new food
critic. Someone who doesn’t immediately pooh-pooh everything he eats.
Homer: No, it usually takes a few hours.
—–
Man: Come on, you’re going to kill him with a pastry? I’ve seen this
man eat a bowl of change!
—–
Marge: How was your day at work, dear?
Homer: Oh, the usual. Stand in front of this, open that, pull down
this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough.
—–
Homer to Pinchy: Hey! You don’t have to take that from no
punk-ass crab!
—–
Otto: “Why do they call them fingers? I never see them fing.”
July 20th, 2007 at 12:40 am
Loved the list!
Homer: Be more funny!
Homer: Must kill Moe… Wheee!
July 20th, 2007 at 12:44 am
The cartoon portrays DUMB
yet everything is so INTELLIGENTLY done.
WACKY, CRAZY, FLAWED, CREATIVE, CHALLENGING, CUTE, ANNOYING, CONTROVERSIAL, VIOLENT and so LOVABLE.
Cant think of another one like it.
Fan for life!
July 20th, 2007 at 12:46 am
missing:
Ralph: “tastes like burning”
Rainer Wolfcastle: ” Zee goggles, zeh do narsing!”
July 20th, 2007 at 12:52 am
homer: “Marge, anyone can miss Canada, all tucked away down there.”
homer: “Women will like what I tell them to like.”
July 20th, 2007 at 1:04 am
“I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords!”
July 20th, 2007 at 1:08 am
Good list! Of course, after 18 years, they have so many more good quotes. Another Homer one I like is from the 3D episode;
” I’m somewhere where I don’t know where I am! “
July 20th, 2007 at 1:15 am
Two of them:
“HI Everybody”…”Hi Dr Nick”
In one of the TreeHouse of horrors episodes, where Maggie is an alien and Homer finds out and calls Marge an “Intergalactic hussy”
July 20th, 2007 at 1:16 am
FLANDERS: hey homey, i can see your doodle.
July 20th, 2007 at 1:25 am
[...] 101 of the Best Simpsons Quotes Homer: Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! [...]
July 20th, 2007 at 2:36 am
Ok. “Help me Jebus” is one of my fave’s but there 2 others that are criminal to forget
Lisa (at powerplant, in cafeteria, by donuts); isn’t there any fruit here?
Homer: This donut has purple in it, purple’s a fruit”
classic
and
Chief Wiggum: We hereby charge you with the murder of Moe Syzlac and Apu Nahassaa….pema, Apu NaHassa…..just moe, just moe.
Brilliant
July 20th, 2007 at 2:58 am
My all-time favorite, from the Hullabalooza episode. Set in a flashback.
Teen Homer: You’re just not “with it”, old man.
Grampa: I used to be “with it”. But then they changed what “it” was. Now what I’m “with” isn’t “it”, and what is “it” seems weird and scary to me. It’ll happen to you…
Teen Homer: No way man! I’m gonna’ keep on rockin’ forever! Forvever. For..ever….
July 20th, 2007 at 3:13 am
Scully: “Homer this is a simple lie-detector test, simply answer yes or no to the qeustions I ask you. Do you understand?”
Homer: “Yes”
(Lie-detector explodes)
July 20th, 2007 at 4:14 am
[...] catch all the quotes here SimpsonsShare and Enjoy:These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. [...]
July 20th, 2007 at 5:02 am
In space, Homer receives a phone call from then president clinton, exclaims (sic) “Mr. President. I knew that if anybody knew where to get some tang, it would be you.”
July 20th, 2007 at 5:26 am
[...] 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes A sabedoria dos simpsons (tags: Simpsons quotes funny humor list tv fun) [...]
July 20th, 2007 at 6:07 am
“Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers! I’m learnding…”
July 20th, 2007 at 7:09 am
[...] Blogzarro: If “The Simpsons” have taught us anything it’s that two-dimensional characters are funnier than three-dimensional ones. There are as many great Simpsons quotes as there are Republicans in hell, which is another way to say “a lot.” Read the story [...]
July 20th, 2007 at 8:03 am
Great list…
(also it’s hard to create a list of Simpsons Quotes that isn’t)
Off the top of my head:
Burns: But - that’s robbery!
Smithers (darkly): there’s a better term to describe what they did… “unlawful appropriation”!
(After beeing enslaved by the new alien president)
Homer: Don’t blame me - I voted for the other guy!
July 20th, 2007 at 8:47 am
This is the best one EVER:
Kwik-E-Mart guy at the beach (regarding the firecracker he sells homer):”Celebrate the independance of your nation by blowing up a small part of it!”
July 20th, 2007 at 8:49 am
PS:
Family Guy rocks! The Simpsons hasn’t been just as good lately… I’m a little scared to see the movie.
July 20th, 2007 at 8:59 am
“I’m taking this thing to Mexico” ..Snake as he drives off towing the Kwik-E-Mart
“Yeah Im talking to you ya trash eating stinkbags!” ..causing the great garbage-strike episode
“Sir Loves-Alot, the bear that loves to love..”
Bart: “But, I wanted Lord Huggington..”
Also Thank you Jeebus is classic..I use it all the time. That, and the Ya dont win friends with SA-LAD congo-line-style chant
July 20th, 2007 at 9:14 am
“pray for mojo”
“Ummmmmmm… two bucks… it only transports matter… ummm… well, ah…I’ll give you thirty-five cents.”
July 20th, 2007 at 10:05 am
comic book guy - ‘there is no emoticon to express what I’m feeling right now’
Flanders - ‘feels like I’m wearing nothing at all!’
July 20th, 2007 at 11:07 am
[...] 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes - Hilarious! [...]
July 20th, 2007 at 11:12 am
[...] Top 100 Simpson Quotes [...]
July 20th, 2007 at 11:14 am
Passerby to a fat Homer who was denied entrance to a theatre:
“Hey Fatty, I got a movie for you, A Fridge Too Far!”
Classic
July 20th, 2007 at 11:21 am
When Homer is making fun of Vishnu.
Homer: No offence Apu, but when they’re handing out religions you must be out taking a whizz.
Apu: Mr. Simpson, pay for your purchases and get out…and come again.
July 20th, 2007 at 11:23 am
dirtiest line
Apu: Oh, Squishee Lady! You’ve had fewer than eight children, haven’t you? Haven’t you!!
July 20th, 2007 at 11:33 am
[...] Rette dich selber Superman, nimm dein Spider-Schwein nach Hause auf den gelben Planeten und lese dich kugelrund mit den „101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes“. [...]
July 20th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
[...] 2003 teen titans Homer: Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! cartoon teen titansread more | digg story [...]
July 20th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Comic Book Guy: Is there a word in Clingon for loneliness?.. oh here it is.. “Garrrrrrrrrdaaaahhhkkkkkk”
July 20th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
King Size Homer - (screen) To start press any key… Where’s the “any” key? I see Esc, Catarl, and Pig Up. There doesn’t seem to be any “any” key. Wo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I’ll order a Tab. (presses TAB key).
same episode
(telephone operator)
The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.”
Apu - “I can’t believe you don’t shut up!”
July 20th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Homer: The first meeting of Hell’s Satans is called to order!
Flanders: I move we reconsider our club name. Make it something a little less blasphemous. After all, we don’t wanna *go* to hell.
Lenny: How ’bout the Devil’s Pals?
Moe: Or the Christ-Punchers?!
Flanders: The Chri–? I don’t think you understand my objection…
July 20th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
What about Homer to Lisa: “It’s not that I don’t understand Lisa, it’s that I simply don’t care.”
July 20th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
Ralph: When I grow up, I’m going to Bovine University!
July 20th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Grandpa: “Homer, your ugly as a mule and twice as dumb. If a strange man offers you a ride I say take it.”
July 20th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
[...] 100 of the greatest Simpsons’ quotes. [...]
July 20th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
Homer: Mmmm…sacrilicious
Apu to Homer: Shut up…shut up. I can’t believe you don’t shut up!
Sideshow Bob: Oh come now Cecil. The buffoonery classes. 5 years of clown college??!!
Cecil: I’ll thank you not you not to refer to Princeton that way.
July 20th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
Dont make me run I’m full of chocolate!
July 20th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Air-force base colonel:
I’m gonna corpse you up.
July 20th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
[...] 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes A sabedoria dos simpsons (tags: Simpsons quotes funny humor list tv fun) [...]
July 20th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
BURNS: “Use an open-faced club. A sand wedge.”
HOMER: “Mmmmm… open-faced club sandwich…”
July 20th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
What about:
Ralph Wiggum: My cat’s breath smells like cat food!
July 20th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
[...] 101 Greatest Simpson’s quotes: http://blogzarro.com/?p=223 [...]
July 20th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Burns: The gazillionaires still laugh at me from their diamond towers.
July 20th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
Homer:
“Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart’s a vampire… beer kills brain cells. Now let’s go back to that… building… thingie… where our bedsand TV… is….?”
July 21st, 2007 at 12:16 am
“What is mind? No matter! What is matter? Never mind!”
“I got so caught up in being Pie Man I forgot pies were food!”
~Homer
(from the same Pieman episode)
“Now pie that Brownie!”
~Mr. Burns
“Monty, I swear, you are the Devil himself”
“Ghaa! Who told you?!…Oh…”
~Mrs. Bouvier and Mr. Burns
“Wait, that’s not how you spell ‘dumbining’! Wait, that’s not even a word!”
~Lisa
“Guts. And black stuff. And about fifty Slim-Jims”
~Nelson, when Lisa asks what’s inside of him
“Look Daddy, a whale egg!”
“The pointy kitty took it!”
“So, the doctor said I wouldn’t have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger outta there!”
“Look, Big Daddy, it’s Regular Daddy!”
~Ralph (who else?)
July 21st, 2007 at 1:51 am
Comic Book Guy: I can’t drive 55…’cause it only goes, 38…
July 21st, 2007 at 4:30 am
I think your list would be remiss if you were to not note Otto’s classic line of, “they call them fingers but I never see them fing”
July 21st, 2007 at 6:54 am
What about:
Homer: “Oh Mother Sea, giver of fish, taker of boats, toilet to the world! The Greeks call you Poseidon! The Romans… …Aquaman!”
July 21st, 2007 at 9:31 am
D’oh!
July 21st, 2007 at 9:40 am
the simpsons suck
July 21st, 2007 at 9:59 am
[...] 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes - D’oh [...]
July 21st, 2007 at 10:57 am
you suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 21st, 2007 at 4:00 pm
[...] source Tags:Share This [...]
July 21st, 2007 at 4:35 pm
your mom! u all suck! …. >=)
July 21st, 2007 at 8:57 pm
homer and bart on a boat about to get crushed by wave:
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIpreck!!!
July 22nd, 2007 at 3:50 am
What
about
The
tomaco
part
where
ralph
says
“It
tastes
like
grandma”?
Sorry
my
keyboard
is
broken…
July 22nd, 2007 at 2:30 pm
[...] 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes [...]
July 22nd, 2007 at 4:39 pm
Thanks for the list, I loved my ass of many times
July 22nd, 2007 at 7:37 pm
Homer: I was looking for some sugar.
Scorpio: Here ya go, sorry it’s not in packets. Do you need cream?
Homer: Er eh no.
Nobody’s gay for moleman.
Marge im not gonna lie to you………………………….
July 23rd, 2007 at 4:47 am
Lisa(regarding Nelsons poster): Nuke the whales?
Nelson: You gotta nuke somethin.
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:41 am
IDIOT !!!
July 23rd, 2007 at 11:50 am
Great list. Below are some of my favorites, and a link to Wikiquote. too many good lines to remember!
Lisa: “Mom, you’re like Columbus. You’ve discovered something that millions of people already knew about.”
Homer: (When asked how he tricked Mel Gibson into walking off Mount Rushmore) “He’s Christian; they don’t believe in gravity.”
and from Wikipedia
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Simpsons#Lisa_the_Simpson_.5B9.17.5D
Lisa: “Poor Krusty. He’s like a black velvet painting come to life.”
Fidel Castro: “Comrades, our nation is completely bankrupt. We have no choice but to abandon communism. (his aides groan) I know, I know. But we knew from Day 1 this mumbo-jumbo wouldn’t fly.” (aides make sounds of agreement) I call Washington and tell them they won.
Aide: But Presidente, America tried to kill you!
Fidel: Ah, they not so bad. They named a street after me in San Francisco. (another aide whispers something in Fidel’s ear) Is full of whaaaa?!
British Delegate (after the money fails to arrive): Well, this is really a kick in the knickers.
German Delegate: Should we complain to someone?
French Delegate: No. I say we act snooty toward the Americans forever! (they shake hands in agreement)
and a lot more.
July 23rd, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Missing is:
Drunk Homer at Moe’s: You right Moe. You’re always Moe.
July 23rd, 2007 at 1:22 pm
poor lisa, no quotes for her
July 23rd, 2007 at 4:29 pm
I can’t beleive you didn’t put Ralph’s quotes:
“I’m a brick!”
“My cat’s breath smells like cat food! ”
“When I grow up, I’m going to Bovine University!”
or many others!! Great site you guys!
July 23rd, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Homer stoned: “I can go up to Mr. Burns and punch him in his stupid monkey face, and has to just stand there grooovin on it.”
also, the Ned Flanders singles tape:
Homer: “Women of Springfield! Your prayers have been Flanswered!”
July 23rd, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Wat about when Homer called himself “El Homo” b/c Bart called himself “El Barto”
July 23rd, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Where’s Radioactive man? THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!
July 23rd, 2007 at 7:34 pm
Homer: “Sweet, sweet beer”
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:40 pm
Random Amish:
” Tis a fine barn, but sure ain’t no pool English”
Homer “doh!”
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:59 pm
“Whoa, I’m seeing double, four Krusty’s!!”
and…
“Stop!! Stop!! He’s already dead!!”
July 23rd, 2007 at 9:16 pm
Homer: You’re I’m a rage-aholic! I m addicted to rage-ahol.
July 23rd, 2007 at 9:33 pm
“The word unblowupable is thrown around a lot these days…”
-Homer in his most sophisticated voice describing his model rocket.
July 23rd, 2007 at 9:36 pm
From King Homer:
As Marge approaches the boat, Mr. Burns asks Smithers what he thinks of her and Smithers replies:
“I don’t think women and seaman mix, sir.”
July 23rd, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Moe: You’ll be back! [points at various customers] And so will you.
And you. [points at camera] And you.
[he points at Barney]
Barney: Of course I’ll be back. If you didn’t close, I’d never leave.
July 23rd, 2007 at 9:48 pm
Beer Baron Episode (my favorite)
“I’ll find you if it’s the last thing I do, Beer Baron,”
(distant) No You Won’t!”
“Yes I will…”
(more distant) Wont!”
Chili Cook-off (second favorite)
Homer- “In your face Space Coyote!”
July 23rd, 2007 at 10:25 pm
Doctor: Mr. Simpson, the operation may signifigantly increase your brain power… or it may kill you.
Homer: Increasing my killing power ay? I’ll do it!
July 23rd, 2007 at 10:35 pm
i think homer’s in a commercial for his security business or something, but there’s a monster in it that looks at him and goes, “friend?”
July 23rd, 2007 at 10:44 pm
what about “eat my shorts”? that should be right after “doh”
July 23rd, 2007 at 11:30 pm
Selma- Can’t you do something?
Surly Duff- Hey, Surly only looks out for one guy- Surly!
Selma- Oh, sorry Surly.
Surly- Shut up.
July 23rd, 2007 at 11:37 pm
When I grow up, I’m going to bovine university
July 23rd, 2007 at 11:50 pm
[...] "Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace ‘accidentally’ with ‘repeatedly’ and replace ‘dog’ with ’son.’" -Lionel Hutz (101 greatest Simpsons quotes.) [...]
July 24th, 2007 at 12:09 am
Lisa to Homer as he is running naked: “Homer, hide your shame”
Flanders also comments: “Homer I can see your doodle!”
July 24th, 2007 at 12:39 am
Ok a few I need to mention are:
Homer: “Mmmmm….Pistol Whip.”
Marge: “Hey Homer, there’s that parrot you enjoy arguing with.”
Homer: “Oh its Mr. Know it all.”
Homer: “Ahh, stupid sexy Flanders.”
July 24th, 2007 at 2:08 am
Homer: I have misplaced my pants.
July 24th, 2007 at 2:19 am
[...] http://blogzarro.com/?p=223 [...]
July 24th, 2007 at 3:13 am
You are banned from this historical society! You, and your children, and your children’s children …. for 3 months. - Donald Sutherland as curator of Springfield Historical Society.
July 24th, 2007 at 3:20 am
Homer: “You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel.”
Mr. Burns: “They’re standing and walking on their hind legs…like a bunch of little Rory Calhoun’s.”
July 24th, 2007 at 3:23 am
MARGE: Have you noticed something different about Bart?
HOMER: New glasses?
MARGE: No. He looks like something may be troubling him.
HOMER: Probably misses his old glasses.
MARGE: I’d think that we should get more involved in his activities, but then I’d be afraid of smothering him.
HOMER: Yeah, and then they’d give us the chair.
MARGE: That’s not what I meant.
HOMER: It was Marge, admit it.
July 24th, 2007 at 8:04 am
Simpson, Homer Simpson, he’s the greatest man is history.
Simpson, Homer Simpson, he’s about to hit a chestnut tree.
D’oh!!!!
The Simpson’s Movie??? Bah!!! Bring on Spider-Pig.
July 24th, 2007 at 9:08 am
How about when Bart sells his soul,
and Jimbo says, “Way to breathe, no breath”
July 24th, 2007 at 9:40 am
Lisa, after eating a chili: “I can see through time”
July 24th, 2007 at 9:49 am
Homer : (when not able to get vision of flanders in his skin-tight ski outfit out of his head)
“Damn you sexy flanders”
July 24th, 2007 at 11:23 am
You are all forgetting…
“My Name is Otto, I LOOOOVES to get BLOTTO!”
also…
” Lies Make Baby Jesus Cry. (Rodd)”
what about more Snake?
“Fry, piggie…!”
Or the classic, ” Oh, Noh, Cops.”
July 24th, 2007 at 11:30 am
HOMER: [...without our immigrants] who will kick our field goals or train our white tigers?!?
July 24th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
pray for mojo.
July 24th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Homer: No beer no tv make homer go something something
July 24th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
“Leaves of three, let them be” - Marge
“Leaves of four, eat some more!” - Homer
July 24th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Homer: I think I speak for all of us when I say…When’s the ice cream gonna get here?
July 24th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Homer: “If you don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed!”
July 24th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Homer when moe is shoving a crayon up his nose to make him dummer:
Homer: Extended warranty! how can I lose?
July 24th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Hutz: Mrs Simpson, your sexual harassment case is just what I need to rebuild my shattered career! Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
Marge: But it’s 9:30 in the morning!
Hutz: Yeah but… I haven’t slept in days. [glug, glug] Last chance! [glug, glug] Ohh yeah!
Hutz: Whiskey! The brownest of the brown. What’s that? (talking to bottle) You want me to drink you?
Homer : Well, well, well. So flawless Flanders needs help from Stinky pants Simpson.
Flanders : Yeah, I-I guess I do.
Homer : Welly, welly, welly. Mr. Clean wants to hang with Dirty Dingus McGee.
Flanders : How ’bout it Homer? Will you teach me the secret of your intoxicating lust for life?
Homer : Wellity, wellity, wellity …
Flanders : Stop that! Will you help me or not?
Homer : Let’s do this.
July 24th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
Smell you later, Bart. Smell you later forever!
July 24th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
I love when the kids are on the desserted island and Sherri or Terri says, “I’m so hungry I could eat at Arby’s!” and the others say, “wow, she must be hungry!”
July 24th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
Nobody remembers Moe? Who once said ” I’ve done alot of things I’m not proud of, and the rest are disgusting!”
He must be the most underappreciated character on the show!
July 24th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
marge:–pertaining to Itchy and Scratchy–”all this senseless violence in cartoons i just don’t see the appeal”——Lisa says–”MOM! If cartoons were meant for adults they’d be on during Prime Time!”
July 25th, 2007 at 1:03 am
Man, Ralphie’s best quote didn’t appear:
“Dying tickles.”
July 25th, 2007 at 11:14 am
Good list…..my favs are
Ralph: I ated the purple berries. They taste like burning.
Ralph: When I grow up, I wanna be a principal or a caterpillar.
Homer: No porkchops? No bacon? No ham?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Sure Lisa….a great big wonderful magical animal….
July 25th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
[...] Springfield 25: The Top Simpsons Supporting Characters ‘The Simpsons’ On Drugs: 6 Trippiest Scenes 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes The 10 Best Simpsons Endings Of All Time [...]
July 25th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
MARGE: that carazy lady was roaming in our trash agine.
HOMER: Thats not the way she tells it.
MARGE: Homer why cant you just apologize.
LISA: Yeah dad are’t you also telling us yo apologize.
HOMER: Yeah but when you do I’m always dissapointed. Besides I think they are Starting to crack.
BART: I think your startin to crack.
HOMER (Slams table): Boy apologize for that remark.
BART: Hell no!
HOMER (rubbing barts hair) That A’ Boy!
July 25th, 2007 at 11:11 pm
[...] 5. 101 Best Simpsons Quotes - Blogzarro [...]
July 26th, 2007 at 2:46 am
Billy Corgan: “Billy Corgan, ‘Smashing Pumpkins’.”
Homer Simpson: “Homer Simpson, smiling politely.”
Bart: Dad, what’s a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it’s not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man… (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don’t know.
July 26th, 2007 at 10:39 am
[...] 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes - Blogzarro [...]
July 26th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
[...] 101 Bedste Simpsons citater. Ret sjov liste der er bl.a. denne her ” Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!” hehe. [...]
July 26th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Homer: “Bear Tax? Let the bear’s pay the bear tax I pay the Homer tax!”
Lisa: “Dad that’s the home owner’s tax”
July 26th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
[...] 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes [...]
July 26th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
[...] 101 Greatest Simpson’s Quotes [...]
July 26th, 2007 at 9:03 pm
[...] 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes : Homer: You don?t win friends with salad. [...]
July 27th, 2007 at 8:30 am
Homer: You’ll have to speak up,I’m wearing a towel!
July 27th, 2007 at 11:10 am
Great list! Thanks for making me laugh…
July 27th, 2007 at 11:56 am
snoop, you got me and my sister’s favorite scene perfectly! “smothering him” ha!
Liz, you came close to our second fave:
Marge: go crazy?
Homer: don’t mind if i do!
July 27th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Homer to someone on phone: “Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.”
Looks at Bart and Lisa, ” I gotta go my damn weiner kids are here.”
July 27th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
[...] The Simpsons Movie is finally here. Decades late, of course. Relive some old quotes here. [...]
July 27th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Another of my favorites is when Homer purposely gained weight to go on disability. Ralph was giving Lisa a hard time on the bus telling her he had heard Homer ate everything.
Lisa responds, “hey, my dad may have put on some weight, but he’s no food crazed maniac!”
And then Homer drives by in the ice cream truck going “mmm, raspberry!”
Also love when Flanders tries to invite himself to a party or meeting at Homers and Homer says, “No, it’s a meeting of gay witches for abortion!”
I’ll have to stop now and get back to work.
July 27th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
Okay, Last one…
Bart: Watch out, Radioactive Man!
Homer: Marge, have you had men in this house? RadioACTIVE men?
or
Lisa: It smells like Otto’s jacket. (at a concer)
Troy McClure: Oh, don’t let the name fool you [killing floor]…it’s not really a floor!
Rod and Todd: I’m a surfer!
Homer to Marge: Just blame it on the guy who doesn’t speak English. Oh T-bor, how you’ve saved my butt!
July 27th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
[...] There are so many more that are amazingly funny, but you actually have to head over to Blogzarro.com for the rest. [...]
July 27th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
I think this is by Rod or Todd - “Lies make the Baby Jesus cry.”
Homer to Bart - “That’s what we call an emotion. We crunch it into a little ball and jam it way down deep inside where it won’t bother us anymore.
July 27th, 2007 at 11:20 pm
otto: ohh wow… what have I been smoking….. oh right … pot
July 27th, 2007 at 11:35 pm
heres a couple of my favorites
HOMER: looks like bad news for the….. impson family…hahah
MARGE: heres ten dollars go buy yourself a suit and find a job
DRUGIE: yea ill buy a suit….. of drugs
HOMER: i want the monogram to say m..a..x..p..o..w….(homer gets inturupted)
SALE LADY: sir… normally its just the initials that go on the monogram
HOMER: Max Powers does not abriviate… each letter is just as important as the last…. or more important…. no no as important
BART: homer…..
HOMER: call me beer barron
BART: Beer barron were outa liquor
July 27th, 2007 at 11:48 pm
I LOVE MOE…
MOE: say hello to sweet lady brick
MOE: wanna see a peach crumble… kick it in the croch
MOE: they think their soo high and mighty.. just because they never got caught driving without pants
MOE: barney dont steel any beer while im gone
BARNY: what kinda pathetic drunk do you take me for… ohhh someone spilled beer in this ashtray (slurp)
July 28th, 2007 at 12:41 am
[...] More.. [...]
July 29th, 2007 at 11:44 am
MOE: Hey, if you’re gettin’ loaded off those fumes, I’m gonna have to charge you.
HOMER: Stupid bug! You go squish now!
SKINNER: Wouldn’t you say there’s a little Uter in all of us? *laughs* In fact, you could say we just *ate* Uter and he’s in our stomachs right now! *laughter* - wait. Scratch that last one.
July 29th, 2007 at 7:34 pm
the Australia episode:
Crocodile Dundee: That’s not a knife, THIS is a knife.
Bart: No it’s not, that’s a spoon!
Crocodile Dundee: Ah, I see you’ve played knifey-spooney before.
July 30th, 2007 at 1:49 am
[...] -101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes -The best Simpson lines of all time -Best Simpsons satires [...]
July 30th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
(after the krusty camp fiasco)
Krusty:I´m taking you kids to the happiest place on earth!!
Kids: Disneyland??
Krusty: No, Tijuana!!!!
July 31st, 2007 at 3:40 am
Calm down, I’ve never seen someone so worked up about religion.
July 31st, 2007 at 4:14 pm
[...] 101 greatest Simpsons quotes http://blogzarro.com/?p=223 [...]
August 2nd, 2007 at 10:54 am
“Lisa, if you don’t watch the violence you’ll never become desensatized to it.” - Bart
“God Bless those pagans” - Homer
August 3rd, 2007 at 6:42 pm
Quimby: Say chowda
French Chef: Chowdere
Quimby: Sayyy chowda!
French Chef: Chowderrre!
(fighting noises)
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:17 pm
Ralph Wiggum, “I dress myself.”
August 7th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Ralph Wiggum (after being sprayed with mace by Marge): Even my boogers are spicy.
August 8th, 2007 at 2:20 am
Ralph Wiggum: “when i grow up i want to be a principal or a caterpillar.”
August 8th, 2007 at 2:40 am
rad… i totally luff h0mer
August 8th, 2007 at 6:44 am
Homer at the post office trying to steal burns’ mail whilst wearing a moustache (and possibly a monocle i don’t recall)
HOMER: Hello there, my name is mr burns, i believe you have a letter for me?
POST GUY: Okay Mr Burns what is your first name
HOMER: I, don’t know
August 8th, 2007 at 10:12 am
Homer: Aw Moe, give me a beer.
Moe: Nope, not until you kill your family.
Homer: Ohhh
Spoof of “The Shining”
August 8th, 2007 at 11:38 pm
(Homer talking to Marge in line to the movie theater, when they were younger)
Marge: What are you thinking about Homer?
Homer: (Spaced out)–GIRLS, I mean BOYS (smacks forehead), I mean YOU!
August 9th, 2007 at 4:57 am
MOE - If you’re so sure what it ain’t, how about tellin’ us what it am!
August 9th, 2007 at 6:19 am
Homer singing a song about his new name.
Max Power. It’s the name you’d love to touch, but you mustn’t touuuuch…
His name sounds good in your ear, but when you say it you mustn’t fear! ‘Cause his name can be said by anyone *points finger gun*
And then when Trent Steel says “nice name” Home replies with “Thanks, I got it off a hair-drier.
Also:
HOMER: Why would we wanna go to little America? (talking about Canada)
August 9th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
[...] Source: Link [...]
August 9th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
What about Moe, undeniably the best simpson character of all time.
August 10th, 2007 at 1:55 am
Future Lisa (While Running from Monsters): “He said it was just a name”
Guy: “What he meant was Monster Island is actually a Peninsula”
So hard to only pick 101 quotes but still great list!
August 10th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Can’t believe this one isn’t in here:
Homer: ” I am a white male between the ages of 18 and 49. Everyone listens to me.” Opens cupboard to reveal: Nuts and Gum, together at last.
August 14th, 2007 at 1:30 am
Groundskeeper Willie (Cussing Skinner): You hair combing, nose wiper!!
Bart (After Homer was attacked by a bear): We would rather have an alive coward than a dead hero anyday.
Homer (angry): Choke on your *sarcasm (proceeded to strangling Bart.)
Homeless man( wearing Homer’s clothes): This smells even worse than mine.
August 14th, 2007 at 10:59 am
You forgot this one..
“If you have three Pepsis and drink one, how much more refreshed are you? You, the redhead in the Chicago school system?”
“Pepsi?”
“Partial credit!”
August 16th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
Ned Flanders:
It feels like i’m wearing nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all.
August 17th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
[...] in Asides. No Comments. There’s a list over at Blogzarro (mirror) with the 101 best Simpsons quotes. Incrediblyfunny show… [...]
August 17th, 2007 at 10:02 pm
The Leprechaun tells me to burn things.
August 20th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
[...] Siga o link e divirta-se (em inglês): 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes [...]
August 22nd, 2007 at 11:03 am
Lisa: (disappointed) at this point i’ll probably wont even be able to get into vassar
Homer: I’ve had just about enough of your vassar bashing young lady!
August 22nd, 2007 at 3:11 pm
What about…..
“If you don’t like your job you don’t go on strike….. you just do it half-assed, it’s the american way”
August 25th, 2007 at 12:54 am
YOU FORGOT THE BEST ONES!!!:
“homer looks at note on thermostat”
Don’t touch, Willie…
Homer: Good Advice!
—————————————-
Homer: Well, it looks like the cat burgular was caught by the very person… who was trying to catch him.
Skinner: How Ironic!
————————————–
GLAVIN IN THE GLAVIN!
—————————————
Homer: JURY JUTY!? I’ll Make that Quimby boy hang for this!
—————————————
Homer: Ive come to hate my own creation… now i know how God feels
————————————–
Lenny: My eye! im not spose to get pudding in it!.
*homer throws pudding at Karl*
Mr Burns: What are you doing!? thats Karl!
—————————————
*homer talking to hippies*:
…. youve betrayed you beliefs you refused to go to war and die for
—————————————-
*bart praying*
..and thanks for the bad stuff adults do which distracts attention from the stuff im doing.
August 25th, 2007 at 6:44 am
Homer: Ahh barholemu.. i feel like saint auginstine of hippo after hes conversion by st abrose of milan..
Flanders: what did you say homer?
Homer: I SAID SHUT YOUR UGLY FACE FLANDERS!!
Bart: lisa insulted us mum.. she thinks shes soooo great.. i’ll dance on her grave
Marge: Bart!
Bart: what? oh napkin. right
Homer: Marge if you mind i’m busy achieveing financial independence..
Marge: with cans of greese?
Homer No through savings and wise investments..OFCOURSE WITH GREESE!!
Homer: Ah marge we live in a very technoligical age where fighting a war is as simple as turning off a light *clap-clap*
Marge: we dont have a clapper homer..
Homer: *clap-clap* cant hear you marge i’m clapping *clap-clap*
Bart: Dad do i have to brush my teeth?
Homer: No… but atleast wash your mouth out with soda
August 26th, 2007 at 3:16 am
what about:
[Bart and Milhouse wearing girl's clothes]
Homer: Oh no, don’t tell me you guys are gay!
Milhouse: We’re not gay, we’re just………….
…………….really, really drunk.
Homer: Well if that’s the case, OK.
August 26th, 2007 at 3:17 am
what about:
[Bart and Milhouse wearing girl's clothes]
Homer: Oh no, don’t tell me you guys are gay!
Milhouse: We’re not gay, we’re just………….
…………….really, really drunk.
Homer: Oh, thank God.
August 27th, 2007 at 4:44 am
My favorite is:
Duffman: Duffman can never die, only the actors who play him!
September 4th, 2007 at 8:38 am
[...] 101 greatest Simpson quotes [...]
September 9th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
When lisa pretends to be a college student while in gymnastic class, she hops in the car and is suddenly accompanied by Ralph almost blowing her cover, they peel out and ralph says
Ralph: Why do people always run from me?(at the same time proceding to piss in his pants with a stumled look on his face and suddenly puts a big smile as soon as he finished urinating)
thats myb est ralph moment, and oh yea also the time he ate the berries on the island and says
Ralph:”it taste like……burning”
September 11th, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Advertisment guy to homer: “You know those radio commercials where two annoying voices yammer back and forth to each other, I invented those! (Homer punches him in the face) …happens all the time.”
Moe: “This thing can flash fry a Water Buffalo in 40 seconds.”
Homer: “Ohhhhh, 40 seconds! but I want mine Now..”
Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call her Gamblor, and it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws.
“Implosion!? I thought you said EXplosion!”
September 11th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
“Homer, did you shine your head in the Shine-O-Ball-O?” “Uhhhhh….No.” (fixes his hair from reflection of homers head)
September 11th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
Forest Ranger: “Now we’ll take a minute to humor the children. Kids, your father is going to be O.K. Alright people, put on your corpse handling gloves, there are two frozen bodies somewhere on that mountain.”
Bart: “You hear that lisa? dads gonna be O.K.”
September 11th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
“Only who can prevent forest fires? You have pressed ‘You’ referring to me, that is Incorrect, the correct answer is YOU”
September 16th, 2007 at 7:48 am
GKW: Okay now open your math books to page one.
Bart: but were all the way up to chapter seven.
GKW: then your teachin willy
I cant really remember the episode to this one but hopefully you do well here it goes:
Skinner: Uhhhh I knew this will happen, Willy you might as well get rid of all the colored chalk as we…
HKW: I WARNED YOU SKINNER DIDN’T I WARN YA!
Skinner: Shames uhhh we wont be nedding you any more.
Shamus: Oh this is your doing willie, I’ll grind your bones to puddin
GKW: ACKKK you speak like a poet and you punch like one too.
(Fighting breaks out) willie gets the best of Shamus.
Shamus: ahhh you basted
And Finally
Homer: [sleepy] Must…protect…sugar. Thieves everywhere. The strong
must protect the sweet…the sweet…[snores]
Marge: [walking out] Homer?
Homer: [with a Spanish accent] In America, first you get the sugar, then
you get the power, then you get the women…[snores]
Marge: Homer…Homer!
Homer: Wha…what?
Marge: I want you to forget about guarding the stupid sugar! You’re
being completely paranoid.
Homer: Oh, am I? Am I really? Ah ha!
[Pulls a man from behind the pile]
Thief: [holds teacup and saucer] Hello.
Homer: All right, pal: where’d you get the sugar for that tea?
Thief: I nicked it when you let your guard down for that split second,
and I’d do it again. [sips tea] Goodbye.
– Homer Pacino defends his territory, “Lisa’s Rival”
Homer pleads his case with Marge.
Homer: You see, Marge? Do you see?
Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?
Homer: Never, Marge! Never. I can’t live the button-down life like
you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the
creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with
my cocky stride and musky odors — oh, I’ll never be the darling
of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke
their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this Homer
Simpson?”
September 19th, 2007 at 3:31 am
[...] James A from blogzarro.com has put together a nice collection of 100-some Simpsons quotes. Well done! In addition to that I put up an image of all Simpsons characters that were featured in the Simpsons so far. But here is James’ list: [...]
September 25th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
What about Ralph: This crayon tastes like Purple.
September 30th, 2007 at 12:40 am
Ralph Wiggum a very weird boy:I found a moon rock in my nose.
October 1st, 2007 at 6:19 am
Superintendent Chalmers: I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…
Mr. Burns: What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?
October 10th, 2007 at 12:13 am
Good stuff men… We need a booze for that..
October 11th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
DIG UP, STUPID
October 15th, 2007 at 11:12 am
[...] read more | digg story [...]
October 18th, 2007 at 7:11 am
“Seems quiet today”
“Yes, a little TOO quiet…if you know what I mean.”
“I’m afraid I don’t”
“You see, NO NOISE… means no bees.”
“I think I see what you’re getting at. Oh look, there goes one now”
“To the Beemobile!”
“You mean your Chevy?”
…”Yes.”
October 18th, 2007 at 9:53 pm
Marge (at Halloween): “Oh, dont tell me youre going as a Hobo again..”
Homer: “Going where?”
Homer: “Trying is the first step towards failing!”
Marge: “Slow down Homer, you’ll kill us all!”
Homer: “Or die trying!!”
Homer *singing*: “im shaving my shoulders….yeah, getting it all shaved off….”
Hilarious.
October 18th, 2007 at 10:20 pm
Milhouse: “The House always wins!”
Homer: “Marge I hope you won’t be afraid of the snuggle-monster if he comes tonight”
Marge: “As long as he comes with the ‘how-was-your-day?’-monster, the back-rub monster and the foot massage-monst -”
Homer: “Don’t worry he’s not coming.”
Homer: “im like that guy that single-handily built a spaceship and flew to the moon. What was his name, Apollo Creed?”
Or in that episode where Homer goes to prison. I cant remember it exactly (maybe someone else can?) but it was something like…
Lisa (to Maggie, reading from book): “Daddy has made a shiv. Can you help Daddy ice Johnny K?”
October 23rd, 2007 at 4:35 pm
After Kent Brockman wins the lottery…
Homer: “Well, he’s got all the money in the world, but there’s one thing he can’t buy!”
Marge: “What’s that?”
Homer: [thinks] “…A DINOSAUR!”
October 24th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Apu: A mounds bar is not a sprinkle, a twizzler is not a sprinkle, a jolly rancher is not a sprinkle. Perhaps in Shangri-La they are, but not here.
October 26th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
[...] >>>Linkage _uacct = “UA-701046-4″; urchinTracker(); [...]
October 30th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
2 of the best:
“I´m the gayest villain in the history of the world, beware my scented candles”.
-H. Simpson about the Phantom of the Opera
and…
“No man should outlive his fictional wizard”
(I liked Grayshaft, too).
November 4th, 2007 at 6:07 am
Homer: Well if bart can be “El barto” than i can be ” El homo”. talking to Lisa
November 4th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Hahahahahaaaa. Funny. Loved it.
November 4th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
”First you get the sugar, then you get the
power, then you get the women”
November 4th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Duffman never dies. Only the actors who portray him.
November 8th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
homer has to sell his blimp ticket to barney.while he’s crying he sings..
. “hey there blimpy boy, flying through the sky so fancy free!”
November 8th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
ralph - look daddy, that man has bussoms like mommy!
wiggam - I WISH!
November 18th, 2007 at 2:15 am
I must say yhat I felt repulsed about the ending of The Simpsons - The Movie.. when marge says something like: oh my god I thing Maggie is gonna say her first word.. and then Maggie just make a little noise. because of that I remember an episode where Homer say something like: don’t you ever grow up, and then he close the dor and Maggie says Daddy.. so why do they keep say that she haven’t spoke yet.. sorry for not remembering the episode, but some of you must be able to confirm.
November 18th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.
November 21st, 2007 at 6:39 pm
how bout when they describe homer -
Clerk: Yep, `General Sherman’. They say he’s five hundred pounds of
bottom-dwelling fury, don’t you know. No one knows how old he is, but
if you ask me (and most people do), he’s hundred years if he’s a day.
Customer: And uh no one’s ever caught him?
Clerk: Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet
tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel,
cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell.
— The making of a legend, “War of the Simpsons”
November 23rd, 2007 at 5:32 pm
You needed:
Homer’s Impostor: I am a new tie vearing.
November 24th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Homer:(looking at an atlas) Hehe there’s a country called U R GAY!
November 24th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Professor Frink
‘Oh no, this isn’t the monster detector, it’s the frog exaggerator’.
November 24th, 2007 at 5:11 pm
[...] 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes. [...]
November 25th, 2007 at 4:25 pm
Ralph Wiggum after tasting pepper spray, “It tastes like burning!” he eats berries. B.E.R.R.I.E.S dearie =)
November 25th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
The one about Albanians by Homer
“I love those guys with their pink eyes” or whatever
and Lisa:
“Grammar Rodeo? How come I never heard of the Grammar Rodeo?”
Bart: “That is because you are, as we say in Latin, a Dorkus Malorkus”
November 25th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Tyler’s
Teen Homer:”I used to be “with it”. But then they changed what “it” was. Now what I’m “with” isn’t “it”, and what is “it” seems weird and scary to me. It’ll happen to you…”
Teen Homer: “No way man! I’m gonna’ keep on rockin’ forever! Forvever. For..ever…”
Brady’s
“Men Alive!!” There are men alive in here!!”
November 25th, 2007 at 9:08 pm
it’s not teen homer it’s grampa who says my first quote sorry
November 26th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
Krusty:
“I can’t read porno by candlelight! Who am I, Abe Lincoln?”
November 28th, 2007 at 8:32 am
When Homer puts on loads of weight so that he can live off disability, Bart fantasises about being just like his old man when he grows up, culminating in the line,”I wash myself with a rag on a stick”, spoken in a heavy Southern accent…pure genius…
December 1st, 2007 at 9:56 pm
[...] 101 greatest simpsons quotes Posted by elting Filed in Uncategorized ·Tags: , quotes, simpsons [...]
December 1st, 2007 at 10:14 pm
i hope i didn’t brain my damage- homer
December 1st, 2007 at 10:29 pm
Homer(offstage): Oooh he card reads good!
December 17th, 2007 at 8:23 am
“THE GOGGLES..THEY DO NOTHING!!”
was actually said by Reiner Wolfcastle when he was playing Radioactive Man..der.
December 19th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
my favorite would have to be the “We’re here, we’re queer. We don’t want anymore bears!”
December 26th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
What about the one where Maggie says her first word. The episode includes the lines:
Ned Flanders: The handles Flanders but my friends call me Ned.
Homer: Hello Flanders.
and what about a shout out for a great Simpsons quote that isn’t really funny but is what the Simpsons were always good at in the early days - beautiful and at times cynical poignancy amidst a great morality tale:
Homer: You know Maggie the sooner kids start talking the sooner they start talking back. I hope you never say anything at all.
(Homer puts Maggie in her crib and leaves. Maggie removes her dummy)
Maggie: Daddy.
My eyes leak more than Niagra Falls every time I see that ending.
Family guy is cool but its ruined the brilliance of The Simpsons as they’ve felt they’ve had to compete.
RIP Phil Hartman. Will we ever hear the likes again.
December 30th, 2007 at 5:56 am
My favorite Mr. Burns’ quote:
Mr. Burns: One dollar for eternal happiness?! I’d be happier with the dollar.
January 21st, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Homer, “I seem to have misplaced my pants”
HAS TO BE UP THERE
January 24th, 2008 at 3:21 am
[...] Nun gut: Hier sind die 101 wichtigsten Simpsonszitate, ein Kompendium der Superlative, der heilige Gral der Fernsehunterhaltung, zusammengestellt von den Kollegen von blogzarro. Einfacher geht´s wirklich nicht. [...]
January 31st, 2008 at 3:37 am
i think the simpsons is the coolest show in the world my favorite character is homer
February 16th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
when they are in Australia and marge is ordering coffee from an Australian bartender
Marge: I’ll have a coffee
Bartender: Beer it is
Marge: No, I said coffee
Bartender: Beer?
Marge: Cooooo-feeeeeee
Bartender: Bee-eeeer?
Marge: C, O…
Bartender: B, E
not to forget
Bullfrogs? thats a weird name, I woulda called em scuzz wozzas
February 16th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
the best one is Grandpa:o everything i do is the last thing i do everything
February 17th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
[...] 101 Greates Simpsons Quotes / Las mejores 101 citas de los Simpsons http://blogzarro.com/?p=223 # [...]
February 18th, 2008 at 7:43 am
how about at homer and marge’s 2nd wedding:
Rev Lovejoy: do you take homer in quiet solitude or blasting through the desert in a jet propelled, monkey navigated… well it just goes on like this!
February 21st, 2008 at 6:17 pm
One of the great quotes where homer hears his brain talking:
-”May I ask why you are here?”
Homer’s Brain: -”Don’t say revenge. Don’t say revenge!”
Homer:- “Ummm..revenge?”
Homer’s Brain:”OK that’s it, I’m outta here!” *walks out, slams door”
February 26th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
These are two of my favs:
Martin Prince:
(Singing)
Hark to the tale of Nelson,
And the boy he loved so dear.
They remained the best of friends,
for years and years and years.
THEN… SAME EPISODE
Martin Prince (to Nelson):
Spring forth burley protector, and SAVE ME!
February 26th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Another one I thought of Today:
Homer: Flanders? You never killed anyone, now you’re gonna start with the big dog?
February 27th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
tat is so funny but ralph is retarded so he kind of ruined the quotes
February 28th, 2008 at 4:04 am
Barney: Tra-la-la-lump-a-loo!! (after drinking the non-alcoholic champagne)
Homer: Egghead likes his booky book!! (when Bart is studying for the junior campers)
Homer: The loser will be taunted until my throat is sore. (when Bart has a penalty shot against Lisa)
Mr. Burns: Take that bowling alley! Take that nuclear power-pla–oh, fiddle-sticks! (Who Shot Mr Burns pt.1)
Homer: I dunno. Internet?
Homer: I dunno. Coast Guard?
–My family uses both of these when we don’t know the answer to something.
And the best name ever on the Simpsons:
Pops Freshemeier, closely followed by Joey Joe Joe Shabadoo Jr.
March 8th, 2008 at 3:43 am
After Homer deep fries his t-shirt
Homer: ” See, told you they could do it.”
Marge : “Homer, I didnt say they couldnt, I said you shouldnt”
March 9th, 2008 at 2:04 am
how about that time when the simpsons go skiing and homer gets in trouble and tries to remember what the ski instructor said and all he can remember is flanders in his ski outfit:
“Stupid sexy Flanders!”
March 20th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
These were totally overlooked:
Millhouse:
“But I”m ALL Millhouse!”
March 20th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
These were totally overlooked:
Millhouse:
-”But I”m ALL Millhouse!”
-Lisa refers to Millhouse as a big
sister “Why does everyone keep
saying that?”
-”I’m freaking ooooouut!”
Otto:
-”Hey Homer, remember that time
I dropped my keys and you
thought the phone was ringing?”
-”Homer, your mom’s hot!”
speaking of Marge
-”We’re all gonna DIE!”
-”Two fer flinchin!”
-”Hey Mrs. K, you look
awesome..those clouds look
awesome..the sidewalk looks
awesome.
Ralph:
-”I feel like a chicken already. I
just laid an egg in my pants”
Marge:
-”I don’t want my last words to my
husband to be ‘Clip your toenails
they look like Fritos’”
March 31st, 2008 at 10:36 am
[...] 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes (tags: simpsons quotes quizzo) [...]
April 11th, 2008 at 8:24 am
my two favourite have to be in the one sentence, when barney flies to save bart and lisa, and homer jumps down drunk
“dad u did it”
“u cant prove i did it”
“no u saved us”
“i could do alot of things if i had some money”
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:03 am
BEST QUOTE EVER!
Homer: Oh, OK Marge, I’ll get along with them. Then, I will hug some snakes…yes! Then, I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes.
April 24th, 2008 at 8:27 am
maybe not used so often as quotes but these lines from episode ‘Skinners sense of snow’ were really funny.
Its the one where the circus comes to town and the children get snowed in at the school
Homer: Aww, i wanted to see ‘em fire a gorilla out of a cannon!
Groundskeeper Willie: “Okay, Skinner, that’s the last time you’ll slap your Willie around!”
Principal Skinner: (to Nibbles? the hamster after being tied up in a dodge ball sack by the children)
“Nibbles, chew through my ballsack”
May 1st, 2008 at 1:39 pm
From the episode where Homer tries to go on disability by becoming morbidly obese:
BART, after Homer stops a nuclear meltdown by plugging the hole with his body: “I think it’s ironic that for once dad’s butt PREVENTED the escape of toxic gas.”
MR. BURNS, trying to help Homer get back into shape by doing situps: “One… One… ONE… Oh hell I’ll just pay for the blasted liposuction.”
HOMER: “Woo hoo!”
BART, as Homer is trying to gain weight by eating a banana split: “Eat around the banana dad; it’s just empty vitamins.”
May 1st, 2008 at 1:45 pm
HOMER: “Kill my boss?! Do I dare live out the American dream?”
—–
HOMER: “Super-fun-happy Slide!!”
LISA: “No dad…”
HOMER: “Aww, I guess killing will be fun enough.”
——
HOMER: “Fabulous house, well-behaved kids, luxury sedan, sisters-in-law dead… WOO HOO!, I hit the jackpot! Marge dear, could you kindly pass me a donut?”
MARGE: “Donut? What’s a donut?”
HOMER: “AAAAAAAH! AAAAH!” (runs screaming from the room)
May 1st, 2008 at 1:50 pm
TV PRODUCER: “We wanted TV ugly, not UGLY ugly. You know, Marianne on Gilligan’s Island ugly.”
MOE: “I’ve been called a lot of things: ugly, pug ugly, f’ugly… but never UGLY ugly.”
May 5th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
One of my favorites is when Homer’s liquor is exploding in the beer barren episode and he covers it up by saying
“Must have been that *bean* I ate.”
May 6th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
A few that I love:
Raphie:
I found a moonrock in my nose! The doctor said my nose!
Homer:
We’re here, we’re queer, we don’t want anymore bears!
Lenny:
Where’d you learn that one?
Homer:
The mustache parade.
May 12th, 2008 at 8:01 am
in the movie whenBart goes skatboardin naked n ralph sees him n says
” I Like men now”
or at the beggining of the movie Ralph comes out of the 0 of the 20th century fox n sings out the 20th Century fox theme [:D]
May 17th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Bart: Dad, I wanna follow in your footsteps.
Homer: Do you wanna change your name to Homer Jr? The kids could call you Hoju!
Bart:…… I’ll get back to you.
May 24th, 2008 at 9:10 am
BEST QUOTES FROM SIMPSONS MOVIE:
bart -”Oh, this is the worst day of my life.”
homer -”The worst day of your life so far!”
a soldier from EPA-”I’m afraid you’ve gone mad with power.”
EPA president-”Oh, of course I have. Have you ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring, nobody listens to you!”
June 3rd, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Yeah, you suck. Where is
“Sacralicous…”
or
“Marge, you got a butt that won’t quit, they got these chewy pretzels and ahhhraaahaaaraaaaahaaharaaaa 5 DOLLARS! Get outta here.”
June 4th, 2008 at 6:07 am
Milhouse:Ill tell you bart, but u really should end each transmition with over
Shelbyville Kid: The only thing over is this transmission
M:Is this the untimely end of milhouse?
SK: but milhouse is my name
M:i thought i was the only one
SK:a pain i know all to well
M:so this is what it sounds like, when doves cry.
————————————–
I want to prove my trust to you homer, on 3 fall back and ill catch u, 1, 2 (phone rings) hold on 1 minute
Hello, oh god hes on the floor,
ahh homer i had to take that, somebody took my lunch….dont put that down to mistrust now.
————————————
Scorpio: U ever see a man say goodbye to his shoes?
Homer: Hehe Yes Once
June 7th, 2008 at 8:40 am
KODOS: “As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!”
June 19th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
missed to great quotes i can think of,
one,
“Wow, A Methuzala rookie card!”
and of course one of the best…
“Way to breath, no breath!”
Other than that goo list.
June 20th, 2008 at 2:37 am
how about..
bart : ” i didn’t do it”
June 25th, 2008 at 12:56 am
Homer: And now we play the waiting game. . . argh! The waiting game sucks! Lets play hungry hungry hippos!!
Homer: Financial panther, eh?
*in imagination*
Sales person: Um, Mr Simpson your card is completely maxed out
Homer: Get him Sheeba!!
June 27th, 2008 at 6:34 am
Willie: Brothers and sisters are natural born enemies! Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damned Scots! They ruined Scotland…
July 1st, 2008 at 12:01 am
my favorite quote is
Homer: Never, Marge! Never. I can’t live the button-down life like
you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the
creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with
my cocky stride and musky odors — oh, I’ll never be the darling
of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke
their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this Homer
Simpson?”
July 7th, 2008 at 2:34 am
Ive thought of a few more:
Homer: “Can you give us a minute, Milton”
Milhouse: “it’s Milhouse”
Homer: “yeah, and you’re father’s no-house!”
Or the one where Homer’s sending Marge pictures of himself looking really sad under the door….
Homer: “im laughing in the last one, but it’s only coz the cat fell down the stairs” *sends photo of cat falling down the stairs*
July 9th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
There are even a few quotes you missed that went on to become pop-culture phenomena and the wet dreams of t-shirt and keychain vendors:
Can’t sleep…Clown’ll eat me
Don’t have a cow, man!
I didn’t do it, nobody saw me do it, you can’t prove anything.
Remember, as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice, normal family.
-Just to mention a few…
July 10th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
-Homer (as Max Power): Kids, there’s only three ways of doing things; the right way, the wrong way and the Max Power way.
-Bart: Isn’t that the wrong way?
-Homer: Yeah, But faster!
July 12th, 2008 at 6:10 am
My favourite is when Bart and Lisa are watching the educational show on TV about food…
Pickle Moses: King Yamses, we are tired of building your food pyramid. Let my pickles go!
Classic
July 14th, 2008 at 10:06 am
Ummm i think marge’s quote is worthy of being up there:
Marge: There is something so unwholesome about flying a kite at night.
Bart: Hello mother dear.
July 14th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Bart: Skinner said that the teacher’s would fold faster than superman on laundry day.
July 16th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Marge: Someone perform CPR!
Homer: (singing) “I see the bad moon arising”
Marge: Thats CCR not CPR!
Flanders: I think we hit something
Homer: I hope its flanders!
Rex Banner: Listen, Rummy, I’m gonna say it plain and simple. Where’d you pinch the hooch? Is some blind tiger jerkin’ suds on the side?
Barney: …Yes?
July 21st, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Lenny, cowering naked in a corner of an empty house when his house falls down; “please dont tell anyone how i live.”
HAHAHA
Homer, in a posh accent, sitting drinking tea in the makeshift house of the female doctor looking after the monkeys in the forest; “so i noticed your house smells of feces.”
July 27th, 2008 at 7:40 am
Homer: Can’t murder now: eating.
Jessica: Because, if you tell, no one will believe you. Remember I’m the sweet, perfect minister’s daughter…and you’re just yellow trash.
Newsman: Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers.
Homer: Hey — that’s a half-truth!
Homer: Boy, when Marge first told me she was going to the police academy, I thought it’d be fun and exciting, you know, like that movie, “Spaceballs”. But instead it’s been painful and
disturbing like that movie “Police Academy”.
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:20 pm
[...] this site back in the summer via Digg. I believe it was actually his article about the top 101 Simpsons quotes of all time that first led me [...]
August 26th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
For number 2, “Ralph: Me fail English? That’s unpossible”, I thought it was “Me fail English? That’s umpossible”?
Theres allot of sites out there that say it’s umpossible and not unposible.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
“…wallowing in my own crapulance.”
-M. Burns
“Where’s the metal deal-y.. used for … digging… food…with?”
-H. Simpson
“Well, I’ll be jiggered!”
-B. Simpson
“Mmmmmmm… incapacitating!”
-H. Simpson
August 27th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
“Hello, my name is Mr. Burns! I believe you have a package for me?”
“Whats your first name, Mr. Burns?”
“I don’t know!”
Homer- while illegally trying to pick up a package he mailed to Mr. Burns.
August 27th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
[...] Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. Source: 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes __________________ The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something [...]
August 29th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
I freakin love the simpsons!
September 1st, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Best one is Burns to Smithers outside of Moe’s Tavern
‘Hear that Smithers, the mirthless laughter of the dammed.’
September 1st, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Homer: I think he picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work a lot harder when i’m around.
September 6th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
BURNS: “smithers, fetch the amnisia ray!”
SMITHERS:”you mean the revolver sir?”
my fav quote of all time.
September 19th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
I have two favorite quotes that make me die laughing
“The doll is trying to kill me and the toasters been laughing at me!”
~Homer in Treehouse of horror
Homer: We monorail conductors are a crazy breed, gobbling up danger like ordinary men eat peanuts…Am I turning you on Marge?
Marge: No
Homer: What if I undo this top button?
Marge: Good night Homer. (turns the light off)
Homer: (in a deep voice) What if I talk like this? What if I sing to you?
(singing) I gave my love a chicken, it had no bones…Mmmmmm chicken.
~Marge vs The monorail
September 20th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
One of my fav’s is Homer:
“Just because I don’t care, doesn’t mean I dont understand…”
October 7th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Wow, who woulda thought darth vader was luke sky walkers’ father..
thanks mr. blow the picture for me.
you’re the birthday you’re the birthday boy or girl
October 7th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Marge: “But I fell in love with Homer Simpson, I dont want to snuggle with Max Powers”
Homer: “Nobody snuggles with Max Powers - you strap yourself in and feel the G’s!!!”
Marge: “Oh lord”
At an AA meeting:
Homer: “these sugar cookies, are they real or symbolic?”
Lady: “theyre over there on that table”
Homer: “Aw, I dont wanna walk all the way over there. Anything that takes 12 steps isnt worth doing! Get it? 12!”
October 13th, 2008 at 12:23 am
How about:
Bart: Wow, my father an astronaut! I feel so full of…..what’s the opposite of shame?
Marge: Pride?
Bart: No, not that far from shame.
Homer: Less shame?
Bart: Yeah
Homer: I’m tired of being a wannabe league bowler, I wanna be a league bowler.
October 17th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Homer: Purple is a fruit
Homer: Now Marge if something goes wrong at the plant, just blame the guy who can’t speak english. Ah ‘Tibor’ how many times have you saved my butt.
Homer: You mean the ivory dealer took Bart too? THAT WASNT PART OF OUR DEAL BLACK HEART! THAT WASNT PART!!
October 17th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving Mysteries.
Homer: ITS OKAY! IM A TEACHER!
October 22nd, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Hans Moleman: If only this sugar were as sweet as you.
October 24th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
“Your flesh mother used to bring me pudding.” -Homer
November 17th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
alot of these dont even belong here…
Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.
Lisa: But dad! his hats ivory his pens ivory and im pretty sure his cheques are ivory…he must be an ivory dealer
Homer: Lisa, a man who has an abundance of ivory is less likely to be an ivory dealer than a man whos ivory supply is low
Moleman: Nobody’s gay for Moleman
Jeremiah Springfield: A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man
Ms Hoover: Embiggens is a perfectly cromulent word
Band Teacher: NOBODY LIKES MILHOUSE
November 18th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Homer: If Bart can be El-Barto, then I can be El-Homo
Homer: Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh.
Marge: Hmm, that doesn’t sound like they like you at all.
Homer: You know, I think you’re right. First thing tomorrow morning, I’m gonna punch Lenny in the back of the head.
Reverend Lovejoy: Baboons to the left of me, baboons to the right!
Moe: Alright, everybody tuck your pants into your socks
November 18th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
“I’m a unitard!” Ralph Wiggum
November 21st, 2008 at 4:52 pm
this is from when mr.burns made homer his prank monkey and was paying him for it but he finally decided to quit because of his dignity:
Homer: But what should I do wth all this dirty money?
Lisa: well theres alot of needy kids out there.
Homer: oh I see what you’re saying, I should get a gun.
December 5th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Ralph: Lisa’s dancing is making my feet cry
December 6th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Ralph: Bart’s my bestest boyfriend!
December 8th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Mr.Burns: What are you doing down my corpse hatch?
Homer and Chef Wiggums: Corpse hatch?
Mr.Burns: Oh did I say corpse hatch?I meant innocence tube.
December 9th, 2008 at 9:31 am
HOMER: “Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forfty percent of all people know that”.
December 9th, 2008 at 11:36 am
BARNEY: “After this crate, and the other crate, there’s only 2 crates left”.
December 9th, 2008 at 11:42 am
Homer to Bart: “Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you Ho-Jew”.
December 10th, 2008 at 5:13 am
[...] 101 greatest Simpsons quotes. [...]
December 18th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
i love ralph but they forgot his classical moment wen they wer on the island and he eats the berries and it goes
Bart: how are they Ralph?
Ralph: i Eated the purple berries…ooooh…..ahhhh…..THEY TASTE LIKE BURNING!!!!!
December 27th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Grandpa Simpson (consoling Bart): “You never know what you can do until you try. I never thought that I could shoot down a German plane … but last year I proved I was wrong.”
January 7th, 2009 at 3:40 am
moe: just because you dont play on a team they treat you like dirt. well im better than dirt. well…. most kinds of dirt. not that fancy store bought dirt thats loaded with nutrients and.. well i cant compete with that stuff.
January 7th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Where’s the aurora borealis quote? It’s like the greatest quote of all time!
“I shouldn’t have stopped for that haircut”
January 14th, 2009 at 6:43 am
My favourite quote/exchange:
Psychiatrist - I see. And this “God”, is he in this room right now?
Psy. 1: Excuse me, what are you doing?
Marge: Oh, I was just praying to God that you’ll find me sane.
Psy. 1: I see. And this “God”, is he in this room right now?
Marge: Oh, yes. He’s kind of everywhere.
[psychologists exchange disapproving looks]
Psy. 2: Marge Simpson, you give us no choice but to declare you utterly–
Marge: [rising] I’m not insane!
Psy. 2: You didn’t let me finish. –insane!
January 19th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
When Principal Skinner is driving the school bus because Otto has lost his license and been disqualified from driving.
Bart: “Hey, where’s Otto?”
Skinner: “Now there’s one palindrome you won’t be seeing for a while.”
January 24th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Ralph to Lisa: “So, do you like…stuff?”
Ralph, getting swept away by an ocean current: “I’m going to Africaaaa”
Keary’s son: “I sleep in a drawer”
Homer: “I am evil Ho-mer, I am evil Ho-mer” in a devil suit, dancing over “good Homer”s grave
Otto, to Patty and Selma: “Homer had a piece of food in stuck in his teeth for a week…and it wasn’t little, it was a chicken wing.”
Ralph on the school bus: “Go banana!”
February 4th, 2009 at 2:46 am
Homer: quiet brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-bit
Mr. Burns: Oh, so Mother Nature needs a favor. After she has beset up with storms and floods and poison monkeys she wants to call it quits, because she’s losing. Well I say, Hard Cheese
Mr. Burns: 206 bones, strong chin, stout lips. My, he’s no less a man, than a God.
Atto: I don’t know why they call them fingers, I never heard them fing.
February 10th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Chief Wiggum: I’m taking you to court!
Homer: the FOOD court?
~~~~
Cartoon telephone in filmstrip: Hi, I’m Phony McRingRing!
February 19th, 2009 at 2:24 am
Otto: Ooh, I don’t care if it takes me all night: I’m going to get me that lobster harmonica. Come on, lobstey!”
February 27th, 2009 at 1:52 am
Where’s my burrito? Where’s my burrito? Where’s my burrito?
March 1st, 2009 at 2:06 am
Homer: Bart, butter up your bacon
…
Homer: Bacon up that sausage
Bart: Dad, my heart hurts
Homer: Possessions are fleeting…
March 6th, 2009 at 3:43 am
Rainer Wolfcastle playing Radiotive man;
“Ze googles! Zey do not’ing.”
Mr Burns;
“Smithers, fetch the amnesia ray.”
“Er, you mean the revolver, sir?”
“Precisely!”
Lisa;
“We can eat slime!”
Canyonero themesong;
“Unxeplained flames are a case for the court.”
And it was Bart who said;
“Me fail English? That’s unpossible!”
March 13th, 2009 at 4:23 am
Judge: Mr. Hutz this verdict is written on a napkin. And it still says guilty! And guilty is spelled wrong!
Lionel Hutz: That’s why you’re the judge and I’m the law-talking guy.
Judge: The lawyer?
Lionel Hutz: Right.
Troy McClure: If a cow had the chance he’d eat you and everyone you cared about.
Witness Protection Agent: Okay when I say Hello Mr. Thompson and tap on your foot you smile and nod.
Homer: Got it.
WP Agent: Hello Mr. Thompson [taps on foot]
Homer: [stares for a few seconds then leans over] I think he’s talking to you.
Ants: Freedom! Horrible, Horrible Freedom!
Snake: Oh no! Beta!
March 15th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
What about when Jimbo says you kissed a girl that’s so gay
March 15th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
This list was good, but I actually laughed more at the quotes from the comments.
There are just so many fantastic lines in the Simpsons.
March 17th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Homer: *hands in his photo submissions as a paparazi*
Editor: *flips over each of them* mm hmm, good, good, mm hmm,
this one has page one written all over it!!!!!
(it’s written literally)
why the heck did you do tht?
Haha.
April 3rd, 2009 at 4:20 am
Just like to say thanks for making this list
here are some of my favs from miscellaneous episodes…
Homer: “Mmmmm….sacrilicious.”
“I wish God were alive to see this”
Grampa: “Call me ‘mint jelly’, ’cause I’m on the lam!”
Lenny-”What did he say?”
Carl-”I dunno, somethin’ about bein’ gay…”
Lou: Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No! BZZT! Okay, okay, I did, but I didn’t shoot him. DING!
Lou: He checks out all right. Okay, sir, you’re free to go.
Moe: Good, because I got a hot date tonight. BZZT! A date. BZZT! Dinner with friends. BZZT! Dinner alone. BZZT! Watching TV alone. BZZT! All right! I’m going to sit at home alone and ogle the ladies in the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. BZZT! (ashamed) Sears catalogue. DING!
Marge: Be careful!
Homer: I don’t have to be careful, I have a gun!
Go kiss the virtual ass.
Homer: Wow, a wooden plane. It’s about time trees were good for something, instead of just standing there like jerks.
Home: Spider poison is people poison?!?!
Ohhh Homer, you always make me laugh. Keep it up, Matt! <3 =]
April 3rd, 2009 at 4:31 am
To Elexius: In the Simpsons movie at the end of the credits Maggie doesn’t just make a noise, she says “Sequel?” And they said it was her first word because they hadn’t HEARD her the time she said “Daddy” coz Homer had shut the door.
Just to clear things up
Also, someone mentioned that quote by Rex Banner something like Rex Banner: “You’re out there somewhere, beer Baron, and I’ll find you.”
(from afar) Homer: “Noo you won’t!!” Rex: “Yes, I will”.
Homer says “D’OH!” not “WON’T!” doesn’t he?
April 14th, 2009 at 5:11 am
Love the list! A couple more of my favourites:
* Homer: You don’t win friends with salad
(that song always gets in my head)
* Homer- Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa- No thanks. Do you have any fruit? Homer- This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.
* And when homer is balancing on a tennis net and he says to Marge “Look I’m surfing the net!”
* Homer - I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
April 16th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Homer: “marge, where’s that metal dingy thing, you use to…dig…food?”
Marge: “You mean a spoon?”
Homer: “ya ya ya ya”
Troy McClure: “You may remember me from such educational tapes as “Lead paint: delicious but deadly”"
April 20th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Selma: Sorry I had to work so late. How did it go with the baby?
Grandpa: We’re having a great time. I cleaned up all my best war stories for her. I was just telling her how we chased the teddy bears into their cuddle bunkers, (more creepy) then had to tickle them out with machine hugs and fun throwers! (sinister zoom-in) They say the more soldiers you tickle, the easier it gets. Well, sir, it doesn’t.
April 23rd, 2009 at 5:05 pm
How about when Homer is escaping from work and he faces that big spider and discovers the rhyme on the piece of paper.
(wording is hazy to me)
Homer: (reading) To get rid of this big spider curse just recite a bible verse.
Homer: Thou shalt not umm… (picks up a rock throws it at the spider killing it)
April 23rd, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Rok got it with the City Fathers quote, which is quite possibly Homers best quote. \
Another one of my favorite Simpsons quotes coming from Quimby -
“You can’t seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism.”
Another one -
Bart: Oh, my bones are so brittle. But I always drink plenty of…”malk”?
“When you get to Hell, tell ‘em Itchy sent you!”
I also think that Sideshow Bob has some of the best quotes -
“Air show? Buzz-cut Alabamians spewing colored smoke from their whiz jets to the strains of “Rock You Like A Hurricane?” What kind of countrified rube is still impressed by that?”
“Oh, I don’t mind, we want these children to feel justice has been served. That way they can sleep soundly tonight on their hard, feculent, motel pillows.”
“My foolish capering destroyed more young minds than syphillis and pinball combined.”
“Oh great, whenever a woman walks by, I suppose it will be my job to lead the hooting: “Oh yeah! Shake it madam! Capital knockers!”"
“I’m telling you Cecil, I can’t take much more of this. Rustic workmen have turned the sani-john into a smoke house, coveralls that don’t quite ‘cover all’, and a psychotic little boy who will not stop hounding me - this little boy right here!” Sometimes I wish this dam would burst, and bury this cursed town.”
All great quotes.
Good list though.
April 30th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
I love the one when Homer is given the job of santa claus in the parade and he’s practising his lines:
Homer: “ho, ho, ho, merry….line?”
Bart: “christmas”
Homer: “what?! Lemme see that”
And then during the parade:
Homer: “ho, ho, ho, merry everyone!”
May 3rd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
geez! theres soo many comments on here!!!!
May 17th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Lisa: “So what happened?”
Marge: “My bosoms grew in and ruined my balance.”
Lisa: “Really? How?”
Marge: “They came in one at a time.”
Lisa: “Mom, you don’t think mine………”
Marge: “No, I’m pretty sure you’ll have your father’s boobs.”
May 17th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Oh and here’s another one of my favorites that I haven’t seen on here yet:
Homer (answering the phone:)
“Yello? She what?!” OH MY GOD!! Well, I am going to settle this once and for all! Meet me at the place we discussed.” (hangs up.)
Marge: “Who was that??”
Homer: “Wrong number.”
May 17th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Oh I forgot this one!!
Homer: (trying to disguise his voice) “Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.”
Postal Clerk: “Okay, Mr. Burns, uh, what’s your first name?”
Homer: [brief pause] “I don’t know.”
May 17th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Homer: “Don’t let Krusty’s death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.
Also…
Ralph: “And when the doctor said I didn’t have worms anymore, it was the happiest day of my life.”
May 17th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Barney: Uh oh, my heart just stopped. Ah…there it goes.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:05 am
Ok…didn’t see these listed:
Homer: “Or what? you’ll release the dogs? Or the Bees? Or the dogs with bees in thier mouth, and when they bark they shoot bees at you?”
Ralph: “The before teacher yelled at me too.”
Homer: ” I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, ‘The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.’”
Willie: If i don’t save the wee turtles, who will!? (after emerging from classroom with turtles hanging off of him, biting him) HELP! SAVE ME FROM THE WEE TURTLES!
Bart:” NO! NOT IN MY MOUTH!…Is what the kid would say…”
Bart:Eat My Shorts!
Flanders: Yes! Eat ALL of our shirts!
Grandpa: Oh, sure. Let’s see…[pulls out wallet, starts going through
it] I’m an elk, a Mason, a communist. I’m the president of the
Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason…ah, here it is. The
Stonecutters.
Homer: This is it! My ticket in: they have to let me in if I’m the son
of a member. I’ll take this communist one too.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Heres a good one:
Homer: Wow, a wooden plane. It’s about time trees were good for something, instead of just standing there like jerks.
June 18th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
No mentions yet for Kamp Krusty? (best episode)
Lisa: You’re feeding us gruel?
Dolph: Not quite. This is ‘Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel’. Nine out of ten orphans can’t tell the difference.
~
Mr. Black: Gentlemen, to evil.
~
Fat Camp Counsellor: We’re not leaving until this Christmas HAM gives me a pull-up!
~
Quimby: Can’t we have one meeting that doesn’t end with us digging up a corpse?
~
Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?
Homer: Never, Marge. Never. I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors — oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?”
~
Woman: Why do you want to adopt a ‘little brother’?
Homer’s Brain: Don’t say ‘revenge’.
Homer: Revenge.
Homer’s Brain: That’s it, I’m out of here. (hear sound of stomping down stairs and a slamming door in Homer’s head)
~
Helen Lovejoy: Stop corrupting our children!
Krusty: No.
~
Chalmers: Why is it Seymour, when I heard the word ’school’ and the word ‘exploded,’ I immediately thought of the word ‘SKINNER!’?
~
Skinner: Oh Edna, we all know these children HAVE NO FUTURE! (stunned silence from whole school)…. prove me wrong kids, prove me wrong.
~
Arctic Explorer: You gotta start charging more then $1 a bag for this stuff! We lost two more men on the last trip.
Apu: If you can think of an easier way of getting ice then I’d love to hear it.
All these lines are GENIUS!
June 23rd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
couple more
when Homer is chauffeuring Mayor Quimby:
Quimby: Now Homer, whilst you’re my bodyguard you must uphold yourself with the dignity and honour of the mayor’s office…Quick, honk at that broad! (He wolf-whistles out of the car)
Homer in the ‘Ironic Punishment Division’ in Hell:
Demon: So you like donuts eh? Well, have all the donuts in the world!
(some time later)
Homer: More.
Demon: I don’t understand it, James Coco went mad in 15 minutes.
Snake: (after posing as the wallet inspector) I can’t believe that just worked!
June 29th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
What about when Moe says…
“I’m better than dirt. Well most kinds of dirt. Not that fancy store bought dirt. I can’t compete with that stuff.”
July 1st, 2009 at 9:24 am
Homer: Besides, gambling is a victimless crime. The only victim is Moe!
and
Nelson: Shoplifting is a victimless crime, like punching someone in the dark.
July 4th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
what about when he thinks the waffle stuck to the ceiling is god.
“mmm, sacrilicious”
or when he puts marges pepper spray on his eggs
“mmmm, incapacitating”
or all of barts prank calls to moes tavern xP
July 4th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
I LOVE this one!:
Homer: “Don’t let Krusty’s death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night. And these:
Homer (answering the phone:)
“Yello? She what?!” OH MY GOD!! Well, I am going to settle this once and for all! Meet me at the place we discussed.” (hangs up.)
Marge: “Who was that??”
Homer: “Wrong number.”
Bart:Eat My Shorts!
Flanders: Yes! Eat ALL of our shirts!
L….O….L
Simpsons are the Best everrrrrr!
July 9th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Underrated quote I love:
Warden (talking about a painting of a unicorn painted by a prisoner): It’s a unicorn in outer space. I mean, what’s it breathing?
Homer: Air?
Warden: There’s no air in space.
Homer: There’s an Air and Space Museum.
July 10th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Marge opening mail… “3rd Notice… Final Notice… *SOME GUYS ARE COMING?!!”
July 11th, 2009 at 12:14 am
Leanne Van Houten: ‘Have you been working out lately?’
Kirk Van Houten: ‘Well, dogs have been chasing me…”
July 17th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Marge: “wow, the house number is spelled out in letters”
Homer: “get used to it honey, from now on we’ll be spelling everything with letters.”
July 21st, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Bart: [Radiation Dude] is just a cheap rip-off from Radioactive Man. Milhouse: Explain! Bart: The differences are subtle,but many! For example: Radioactive Man has got the classic catchphrase ”Up and atom/at ‘em” with atom spelled a-t-’-e-m, making it a delightful pun. Radiation Dude has a similar,but lamer catchphrase: ”Up and let’s go”.
July 22nd, 2009 at 4:26 am
what about this one
(i don’t actualy no the line)
Homer: “Lisa, when i’m on this feild i’m not your father, and juding how small they are, i won’t be anybody else either”
i think that ones pretty funny.
Jae
August 10th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
I thought # 54 was actually “He didn’t give you “gaids”, did he? Did he?! Not “gay”
August 13th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Bart: Take him away boys.
Cheif Wiggum:I’m the cheif around here. Bake him away toys.
Lou: What did you say cheif?
Cheif Wiggum: Do what the kid said.
August 13th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Grease Man: 4 pounds of grease, comes to…63 cents.
Homer: Whoo Hoo
Bart: Dad all that bacon cost us 27 dollars.
Homer: Yeah, but your mom paid for that.
Bart: Doesn’t she get her money from you.
Homer: And i get my money from grease. Whats the problem
August 13th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Treehouse of horror where Maggie is an alien.
Homer: Oh, Look Maggie lost her baby legs
August 18th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I don’t think I saw this… one of my all time favorites:
Marge: The plant called and said if you don’t come in tomorrow, don’t bother coming in Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!
August 19th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
you’s are all wankers… read the original quotes.. 80% of you’s reposted again.. WANKERS!
August 21st, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Homer: “Who’s a greenhorn? What’s a greenhorn?”
September 8th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Homer: “Florida? But that’s America’s wang!
Plant psychiatrist: “They prefer The Sunshine State”
September 9th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
What about the quote from Seymore Skinner’s Sense of Snow?
Skinner: “You did it Nibbles! Now, cheew through my ballsack.”
Or from Homer to the Max:
Homer: “Nobody snuggles with Max Power. You strap yourself in and feel the jeeze!”
But the list is fairly good.
September 9th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
C’MON! YOU FORGOT - Hello, Mr Super-nintendo Chalmers - HOW COULD YOU! lol anyways, i’m two years late, so bye bye.
September 10th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
How about one of the wittiest quotes from the series:
Homer: Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American Dream?
Or
Mr. Burns: Since the beginning of time man has yearned to destroy the sun.
Or
Ralph: Prinskipal Skipper. I mean Principal Skinner.
Or one of the funniest:
Homer: Hello, is this NASA?
Scientist: Yes?
Homer: Good! Listen: I’m sick of your boring space launches. Now I’m just an ordinary blue-collar slob, but I know what I likes on TV.
Scientist: How did you get this number?
Homer: Shut up! And another thing: how come I can’t get no Tang ’round here?
Later on…
Homer: Hello, is this President Clinton? Good! I figured if anyone knew where to get some Tang, it’d be you. …Shut up!
September 17th, 2009 at 5:14 am
Can’t remember word for word but its something like this.
*cletus and his wife are making out*
Cletus’ wife: I really don’t like doing this in front of my parents.
Cletus: Don’t worry, Brandine, they’re my parents too.
September 17th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
No Bart quotes until #99? Not comprehensive.
September 19th, 2009 at 8:00 am
Thelma and Moe kissing on a park bench in the dark when the street lamp comes on:
Thelma: Hey! You’re not John Ritter!
Moe: You’re not that gorilla from the zoo!!
They return to kissing.
September 21st, 2009 at 1:31 pm
when they steal the lemon tree from shelbyville
bart: eat my shorts
Flanders: yes. eat all of our shirts!
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:32 pm
(ransacking the school casino night)
Lenny: I’m a big man! (pushing over machine that falls on him) But I break just like a little girl.
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
MOE:Money gets ya one more round. Drink it down, you stupid clown. Money gets ya one more round. Yer out on yer ass!!
Homer: Mmm….forbidden doughnut.
Nelson: Smells like one of Van Helton’s.
Millhouse:It does not!!
September 30th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
How could someone have referenced “the PTA disbans” without remember this one…
“looking out the window… that’s a paddlin’, starin’ at my sandles…that’s a paddlin’, paddlin’ the school canoe…oh you better believe that’s a paddlin’.”
October 1st, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Lisa: Dad, I don’t think women will like being shot in the face.
Homer: Women will like what I tell them to like!
October 4th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Homer: There there shut up boy your dog is not going to come back if you keep crying unless your tears smell like dog food so you could keep crying and eating dog food untill your tears smell like dog food or you could go looking for your dog.
Bart: Your right dad im going to go looking for my dog
Homer: Rats i almost got him eating dog food
October 6th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
[...] “I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now what I’m with isn’t it, and what IS it seems weird and scary to me. It’ll happen to you, too!” — Grandpa Simpson [...]
October 11th, 2009 at 12:01 am
I’m way too late to the party on this one, but from Boy Scoutz n’ the Hood, the Sea Captain says:
“Arrr, I don’t know what I’m doin’!”
classic quote.
October 14th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Carl Calson:” I think I just logged on to my internet…”
October 15th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
“That wasn’t part of our deal Blackheart! That wasn’t part!”
“Hey, I asked for ketchup… I’m eatin salad here”
Homer: Didn’t I Lisa? Didn’t I?
Lisa: NO! Ya Diddn’t!
This list blows
October 24th, 2009 at 7:12 am
These so shoulda been there:
Ralph: “And the doctor said that my nose would stop bleeding if I stopped putting my finger up there”
Mr Burns: “I call it the spruce moose….”
Homer: “yewwwww wahhhhhh???”
Marge: “Cigars are for rich people and successful comedions like David Letterman”
Ralph: “Go banana!”
October 24th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
My children, they need wine!
October 25th, 2009 at 8:35 am
Lisa: dont worry bart i have soething that will cheer you up.
Bart: Is it my turtle who went to live uptown?
Lisa: He died bart, dad buried him in the backyard, but not in that order.
October 27th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
What about…
Paramedic, “Careful, this man has ingested a dangerous amount of alcohol.”
Homer (slurring), “The only dangerous amount is none!”
October 29th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
‘comic book guy’ sez your quote about ‘A woman is a lot like a refrigerator’ is actually by abraham ‘grandpa’ simpson, not homer.
still, great list…
WRONG! It’s Homer telling Bart in the kitchen.
October 31st, 2009 at 12:10 am
how about in the episode where there is the result against science Moe hits the mammoth and the tusk falls on him… and
Moe: Oh! I’m paralyzed! I only hope medical science can cure me
October 31st, 2009 at 2:32 am
Homer predicts the end of the world. All the inhabitants of Springfield wait on a hill during the whole night, but nothing happens, and when the sun comes up Nelson says:
“Ha ha, life goes on”. A classic!
October 31st, 2009 at 9:15 pm
Homer to Millhouse:
“We’re dumpster folk now!”
November 1st, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Lisa~ Look at the wonders of science now.
Homer~ Wonders lisa? or blunders?
Lisa~ Thats pretty much what i implied.
Homer~ Implied lisa? or implode?
Lisa~ Mom make him stop
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:29 pm
it was the best of times.. it was the BLURST of times?!
November 7th, 2009 at 4:34 am
Dont forget Homers classic:
Homer; “Badger my ass, it’s probably Mellhouse….
Mellhouse, Mellsouse…..
AAGGGHHHHH………!!!!!!!!!!!”
November 7th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Homer: which one’s the any key?
November 7th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
homer: And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.
lmfao!!! that episode is halarious
November 12th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
One of my top 10 favorite episodes: “Raging Abe Simpson and his Grumbling Grandson in “The Curse of the Flying Hellfish”
Bart: Grandpa, do you think I could’ve been a Flying Hellfish?
Grandpa: Bart, you’re a gutsy daredevil with a 4th grade education and a give-em-hell attitude — You coulda made Sergeant!
November 12th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Another classic: “Bart After Dark”
Belle: Are you wearing a grocery bag?
Homer: I have misplaced my pants.
Or
Belle: The trick to working the door Bart is greeting the paying customers and tossing out the drunks.
Bart: Ah, the old ‘greet and toss’, no problemo.
November 13th, 2009 at 4:31 am
Hiiiiiiiiii Ever-y-body!!
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Dr. Nick!!
November 21st, 2009 at 7:59 am
[...] 101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes [...]
November 21st, 2009 at 11:41 am
Homer consoling Bart: “There, there. Shut up boy.”
December 1st, 2009 at 2:49 am
Oh, look at me Marge! I’m making people happy! I’m the magical man, from Happy Land, in a Gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane!
December 1st, 2009 at 9:21 pm
When Bart jumps off the treehouse, misses the pool, and breaks his arm…
Nelson: Ha ha!
Milhouse: I think he’s really hurt.
Nelson: …I said, ha ha.
When future Lisa is president…
Bart: What happened to you, China? You used to be cool.
Chinese ambassador: China still cool! You pay lata, lata!
December 6th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
It’s all OVER, people! We don’t have a praaayer!
December 8th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
“Dr. Nick, I’ve got a bone to pick with you..”
“Wellll if it isn’t my old friend Mr. McCregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg!”
December 8th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
johnny tight lips hows your mother?????
hey hey who said i had a mother
December 9th, 2009 at 5:19 am
You couldnt catch your mother on the catchingist day of your life with an electrified catching machine.
December 9th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Stupid like a fox!
December 10th, 2009 at 12:41 am
Homer: Stupid like a FOX!!!!
December 13th, 2009 at 9:20 am
You missed out 2.
Mr Burns (On the computer): Hello Smithers … you are good … at turning … me… on
Homer: OPERATER GIVE ME THE NUMBER FOR NINE ONE ONE!
December 13th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Where’s all the great Flanders quotes?!!
*”Hey Homer, I can see your doodle!”
*(In his skintight ski wear); “Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all….nothing at all……nothing at all…….”
Homer: (remembering) Stupid sexy Flanders!
*Flanders: Hi-dilly Ho!
Homer: Beat it Flanders.
Flanders: Doo-dilly Do!
*Homer: Flanders, YOU’RE the devil?
Flanders: It’s always the one you least suspect!
December 14th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
When the director of pills and drugs in the new season reply`s Lisa`s comment on how expensive drugs are by saying something like this: Its so cheap in other countries because they sit on the floor and eat bugs. Lisa responds: where is that? Director: Have you been to Norway? Lisa replies: NO, Then it is Norway says the director.
one of the best quotes.
December 16th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Homer - mmmmm 64 slices of American processed cheese, 64…63… 62……….
December 17th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
“Why do things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me” Homer’s most profound statement ever
December 18th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
I love when Apu and Marge are in the Monstro-Mart and get knocked down by a wave of cranberry juice, and the squeaky voiced teen says ‘it’s cran-tastic!’
December 20th, 2009 at 12:37 am
(to the tune of the Flintstones) Simpson, Homer Simpson. He’s the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield, he’s about to hit a chestnut tree
December 22nd, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Homer:Don’t eat me.I have a family.Eat them….
lol
December 22nd, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Not an exact quote, but still one of my favorites!
Homer: Oh Lord what will I do?
Marge: Homer that is not God it’s a pancake that’s stuck on the ceiling.”
Homer peels it off
Homer: “I know it is not right for me to eat thee.”
He eats it anyway of course
Homer: “mmm Sacrilicious”
Oh yeah and the one where Homer, Bart and Lisa are running away from some escaped Rhino’s at the Zoo and when they get to the parking lot. Homer yells, “I know what to do”. He turns around and yells “Jumanji” and then runs away screaming when nothing happens
December 23rd, 2009 at 7:55 am
Homer: Son. If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Quiet! They’re gonna announce the lottery numbers.
__________________________________
Homer: Someday you’ll thank me for this, son.
Bart: Not bloody likely.
Homer: No, it’s true! When I was a boy, I wanted a catcher’s mitt, but my Dad wouldn’t get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage!
Bart: Dad, what’s the point of this story?
Homer: I like stories!
___________________________________
Factory Worker: You can’t treat the working man this way! One day, we’ll form a union and get the fair and equitable treatment we deserve! Then we’ll go too far, and get corrupt and shiftless, and the Japanese will eat us alive!
Burns’s Grandfather: The Japanese? Those sandal-wearing goldfish-tenders? Bosh! Flimshaw!
Mr. Burns: [to Smithers, in the present] If only we’d listened to that boy, instead of walling him up in the abandoned coke oven.
December 23rd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Ralph:(talking to wolf)Will you be my mommy?(Wolf picks up Ralph)You smell like dead bunnies.
December 25th, 2009 at 2:45 am
Homer: “After years of disappointment with quick, get rich schemes. I know I’m gonna get rich with this scheme …and quick!”
Homer pointing out the constellations to Pepe…”There’s Jerry the Cowboy.”
December 30th, 2009 at 7:14 am
i karamba
December 30th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
I was wanting to see if any other person out there can recall the quote by Bart were he sings about his Ritalin. Go some thing like ‘when i just gets me ritalin’ to the tune of popeye the sailer man.
December 30th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Homer: I may be naked, and reeking of panda love…
December 31st, 2009 at 7:14 am
Season 8, “Treehouse of Horror VII”
Kang: “We must go forward, not backward. Upward, not forward. And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.”
or
Kang: It’s a two party system. You have to vote for one of us!
Man: He’s right, this is a two party system.
Man 2: Well, I believe I’ll vote for a third party candidate.
Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away!
Awesome
January 4th, 2010 at 11:50 pm
sorry if you want to find a great qoute you have to look back on the earlier season. the simpsons have always been greta but the older episodes are better heres a great quote.
That’s the problem with being middle-class.
Anybody who really cares will abandon you for those who need it more.
— Mr. Bergstrom’s parting remarks, “Lisa’s Substitute”
January 5th, 2010 at 8:50 pm
After Apu is shot by Mr. Burns in the “Most Dangerous Game” Treehouse of Horrror he comes back as a rabbit,
“Haha! You can’t kill a Hindu!” He gets caught in a bear trap, “Save me, Jesus!”
January 5th, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Oh, can’t forget,
Moe: “You can’t throw us out! I made a cornish game hen with chestnut stuffing…. would you believe a pigeon stuffed with spam?… Would you believe a rat stuffed with cough drops?”
January 8th, 2010 at 7:17 pm
Homer: Woo-Hoo! Good things DO happen to bad people!
As Bart and Lisa are fighting over the remote, the TV channel is changing and a voice very similar to Hank Hill’s can be heard: Bobby, I got propane in my urethra.
Marge: You’re my rock, Homie.
Homer: And I promise this rock will be weighing you down for the rest of your life.
Fat Tony: Sadly, my Ana Maria was whacked by natural Causes. I bring Flowers to her grave every week.
Marge: Oh, Flowers every week! I wish I was dead!”
January 11th, 2010 at 12:21 am
Homer’s letter to movie producer:
Dear Die Hard,
You rock! Especially in that bit on the roof.
P.S. Do you know Mad Max?
(not exact but close enough!)
January 12th, 2010 at 6:44 am
Homer: looking at a picture of the family where Bart is holding an ‘I stink’ speech bouble to Homer’s mouth.
‘I don’t remember saying that’.
January 13th, 2010 at 8:03 pm
Ralph:the doctor said i wouldn’t have so many nose bleeds if i kept my finger out a dare
January 17th, 2010 at 2:18 am
Dr. Nick :
“Ahh if it isn’t my friend Mr McGregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg!”
January 17th, 2010 at 6:01 pm
Apu: How do you get cradle rash when you sleep in a suitcase?
January 17th, 2010 at 6:47 pm
Bart: Alls I know is I’m getting straight A’s and that ain’t not bad.
January 17th, 2010 at 6:52 pm
@Schei: “When I can’t stop fiddlin, I just takes me ritalin. I’m poppin and sailing man” toot toot
January 17th, 2010 at 8:09 pm
I can’t believe no one has put this:
Willie: “I ate him! I ate his little body! I ate his little face! And I ate the way he’s always barkin’!”
Bart: “Oh….you HATE him?”
Willie: “Aye….and I ate the mess he made on my rug…….you heard me!”
January 17th, 2010 at 8:25 pm
Homer “Making love to a beautiful woman is a lot like eating an orange…first you have the oily skin, then the soft fruit in…..”
Willie: “Arrgh….if I wanted to learn how to eat an orange, i would have gone to the orange eating class”
[In other room] Hans Moleman “Eating an orange is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman”
Grandpa: “Just eat the damn orange!”
———————-
Mr Burns to his Baseball team: ” there is a crippled boy watching you win tonight….i know this because I crippled him to inspire you”
————————
Mr Burns to Smithers: “we’ll take the spruce moose…quick, hop in!..[points gun at him]….I said ‘hop in’
————————
Mr Burns: “one….one…..one….oh blast….I’ll just pay for the damn liposuction!”
———————-
Homer: “That’s it! I’m not letting you people get in my way any longer…I’m going to clown college!”
————————
“We are talking about S-E-X, in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N”
Krusty: “Sex cauldron? I thought they shut that place down.
—————————-
“We remember our first visit
the service was exquisite
why Joseph I had no idea
come on now Maude you were working here
———————–
January 21st, 2010 at 6:42 pm
Grampa Simpson: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is *not* a porn star!
Chief Wiggum: Do not be alarmed. Continue swimming naked. Oh, come on! Continue! Come on! Aw… all right, Lou, open fire.
January 23rd, 2010 at 2:24 am
lets not forget
Maggie: Daddy
January 27th, 2010 at 12:15 am
Homer, getting on his knees and praying after his house burns down when he stayed home from chrurch:
Oh spiteful one! Tell me who to smote and he will be smitten!”
(or something like that)
January 27th, 2010 at 2:38 am
I don’t think i saw any quotes from the Australian episode.
Aussie Guy:”Thats not a knife, this is a knife!”
Lisa: “Thats a spoon”
Aussie Guy: “Okay okay, i see you’ve played old knify spoony before.
January 28th, 2010 at 3:42 pm
HOMER: “You’ll have to speak up I’m wearing a towel.”
one of my favorites. from the episode where bart becomes krusty’s assistant
February 2nd, 2010 at 5:06 am
Skinner: for a school with no Asian kids, we out on a pretty good science fair.
February 5th, 2010 at 1:43 am
Homer (as the food crtic) :It lost points because it had a hot wheel stuck to it.
February 8th, 2010 at 10:54 am
Amazing how after all the ones listed here nobody named this one…
Moe: “First I’m going to rip out your eyes, and shove ‘em down your pants. So you can watch me kick the crap out of you! Then I’m gonna use your tongue to paint my boat.”
February 9th, 2010 at 5:41 pm
No, the best parts are in the movie. The “Pig Crap” silo. And Marge says, “Did he fill up this whole silo in just two days?” Homer: “Well, I helped.”
Also, in the “Red Rash Inn”, after abandoning the town, Homer: “Come on, I can’t do this alone. And I’ve REALLY come to like you guys!”
February 10th, 2010 at 3:54 am
Marge: “A woman invented liquid paper”
Homer: “Do you know what a man invented? ACTUAL paper!”
February 16th, 2010 at 6:07 pm
Homer to Marge, sweetly: “Come to the NRA meeting with me and if you still don’t think guns are great, we’ll argue some more.”
Marge: I’m a lucky woman, Homer.
Homer: And I’m a wonderful man.
February 16th, 2010 at 6:34 pm
Moe: Homer, you know your money aint no good in here…- wait a minute, this is real money!
February 18th, 2010 at 5:20 am
I’m surprised no one mentioned one of my faves… episode where homer is looking for his soul mate
It went something along the lines of:
Homer (on the phone): “GBM? You’re looking for a soul mate? Well, I don’t like that… nor that…i’ve never even HEARD of that…I’m going to hang up now–goodbye!”