The American Film Institute recently released its new list of the 100 greatest movies of all time. It turns out that I’ve seen 83 of these so-called great movies (for you math whizzes, that’s 83%). So, why the hell haven’t I seen those other 17 movies? It’s not like I’m doing anything special. And since the AFI says these are the greatest movies of all time, I guess I’m really missing out. Here are the 17 greatest movies I have never seen and the reasons why I haven’t seen them (AFI rank at left).
7. LAWRENCE OF ARABIA | Too freakin’ long.
11. CITY LIGHTS | There’s just so many silent films a person can tolerate in his lifetime, and I filled my quota.
18. THE GENERAL | Silent. Comedy. Sounds like mime to me. Next!
26. MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON | It’s the 21st century. This rah-rah-rah Jimmy Stewart feel-good, sappy crap just pisses me off.
28. ALL ABOUT EVE | The only men who enjoy this film wear eyeliner and tweeze their eyebrows.
29. DOUBLE INDEMNITY | I would like to see this, but I always wanted to read the book first. And I haven’t read the book, so…
44. THE PHILADELPHIA STORY | Katherine Hepburn gives me the creeps.
46. IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT | Yeah, but it ain’t happening tonight. Romantic comedies aren’t my cup of tea and romantic comedies from the ’30s are even less so.
49. INTOLERANCE | A 163-minute silent movie by the director of “Birth of a Nation”? I could watch “Highlander” and half of “Flash Gordon” in that time. I’ll pass.
59. NASHVILLE | Nashville is the capital of country music. I hate country music. Therefore, I’ve stayed away from this movie.
61. SULLIVAN’S TRAVELS | Don’t know anything about it. Don’t care.
63. CABARET | Why won’t I see this movie? One word: Joel Gay
65. THE AFRICAN QUEEN | Didn’t I already tell ya? Katherine Hepburn gives me the creeps.
67. WHO’S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF? | It’s a movie about a married couple that fights a lot. I need to see a movie about this? (By the way, I’m married.)
68. UNFORGIVEN | This movie I should have seen. In fact, I have the DVD somewhere, along with 216 other DVDs that I haven’t seen yet either.
82. SUNRISE | Never heard of it.
90. SWING TIME | A Fred Astaire – Ginger Rogers musical? I cannot fathom any reason — other than being kidnapped and strapped to a chair with my eyelids forced open while someone lubricates my eyeballs — why I would ever watch this movie.
THESE ARE THE MOVIES ON AFI’S LIST THAT I WISH I HAD NOT SEEN
For the record, I did not see any of these movies willingly. Some woman in each case was involved in me viewing the following…
20. IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE | More Jimmy Stewart – Frank Capra bullshit. Life is not wonderful, Jimmy.
40. THE SOUND OF MUSIC | Is it just me or does this movie seem like it runs for two whole days?
51. WEST SIDE STORY | The only thing gayer than this movie is two guys in tiaras making out.
83. TITANIC | I was rooting for the iceberg.
Out of your 17, I’ve seen I think 3 of them. The rest I haven’t seen for the same reasons as you pretty much (must be our similar upbringing). I had to read Virginia Woolf in school, so no thanks.
I haven’t seen any of these movies. And I don’t plan to.
I agree with most of your list, but you are missing out on watching Unforgiven (if that is the Clint Eastwood one).
It’s a cool guy movie.
True, Katherine Hepburn can be a little creepy, but The Philadelphia Story is great and there are a couple of other powerhouse actors in there so you won’t overdose on her. Lawrence of Arabia really is too long; I actually thought it could have ended after the first DVD but then there was a whole second DVD with two more hours.
every one of my reasons would have been “meh.” It is the all-purpose word for unwanting, disreguard, or distress. Try it out, it is great. “Want to see this movie?”
“Meh…”
“Meh…”
I tried it. It felt good!
It should be mentioned that It Happened One Night, though being the movie that destroyed the undershirt business overnight, is a truly and spectacularly awful film. There’s almost no description to state just how bad.
HEY—Do NOT knock the sound of music…it IS one of the BEST movies of all time. I could watch that movie over and over and never get tired of it. I always wanted to solve a problem like Maria….and know the hills were alive with the sound of music… It’s just my 2 cents :)
You sound like someone else I know with a unnatural love of Sound of Music. It must be a woman thing.