Real Name: Unknown
First Appearance: Adventure Comics #330 (1965)
Aliases: Dirt Bag, Super Pig Pen
Creators: Jerry Siegel, Jim Mooney
Lame Abilities: Attracts dirt and consequently flies, disgusts humans, does a great impersonation of a homeless guy on the subway

The Legion of Super Heroes is a lame costumed adventurer’s wet dream. Their ranks include the pathetic heroes Matter Eater Lad, Triplicate Girl, and Bouncing Boy. So, you have to be really lame to be rejected by these losers. That’s what happened to The Mess, a superhero so lame he doesn’t even have a Wikipedia entry.

He was created by writer Jerry Siegel, who has the distinction of giving the world the greatest superhero, Superman, as well as the worst, The Mess. The dirt bag, whose “amazing” power is attracting dirt, first appeared in “Adventure Comics” #330 in 1965, a time when being filthy was groovy. He applies for membership in the Legion along with Eye-ful Ethel, a girl who has eyes all around her head so she can see in every direction, but both are rejected in favor of Dynamo-Boy, who impresses the Legion by re-invigorating a feeble old man after zapping him with radiation. So, being rejected by the Legion of Super Heroes is like being turned down for a date by that ugly fat chick whom you only ask out because you think it’s a sure thing.

The Mess recently appeared on the “The Legion of Super Heroes” animated series, where he was once again rejected.

In the right situation, his power could come in handy. If you needed your car cleaned in a jiffy, The Mess could suck the dirt right off. He could probably raise dirt storms. He also probably smells so bad that no villain would want to go near him. I’m sure The Mess can be re-imagined into a viable superhero. I’d call him The F—ing Mess and his motto would be “The F—ing Mess: He’s Gonna Clean Up the City’s Filth!” He’d be equipped with dirt bombs, nausea-inducing gas pellets, and an army of flies who’d do his bidding. His arch-nemesis would be the Filth Monger. Hey, I have to make a call to DC now!

(Thanks to Zep at The In-Sect for tipping me off about The Mess. Check out his own list of lame superheroes here.)