Lame Superhero of the Week: She-Thing
By James A. on June 11th, 2007
Real Name: Sharon Ventura
First Appearance: Fantastic Four #310 (1988) (as She-Thing)
Alias: Ms. Marvel
Creators: Mike Carlin, Ron Wilson
Lame Abilities: Super strength, super gross-out abilities, rock-hard boobs (literally)
Superheroines have one thing in common: they’re flippin’ hot. The history of perversion and unnatural female body proportions in comics is thoroughly known. A 50-inch bust and 20-inch waist was a fantasy first popularized in funny books, and the industry has done very well with unnaturally hot super chicks. So, if superheroines are the stuff of male fantasy, then She-Thing is a guy’s worst nightmare.
She-Thing is about as attractive as her name implies. She’s the type of woman who makes your testicles crawl into your abdomen and hide. It wasn’t bad enough that they created a female version of The Thing, but they actually tried to feminize her. It’s The Thing with breasts, man! Yeesh! They made a female version of the monstrous Hulk damn hot. Would it have been so hard to make a huge, lumpy, orange rock creature sexy? Okay, so maybe they should have just left this alone.
Not only didn’t they leave this one alone; they went whole hog. If you’ve read “Fantastic Four” #317 your eyes were molested by Thing-on-Thing loving. It’s puking time! There’s nothing more effective than two rock creatures French-kissing and groping each other to make you want to gouge out your eyes (see pics below; eye gouging recommended).
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Like Britney Spears, She-Thing started out as a babe…then tragedy struck. She-Thing was really Sharon Ventura, a leggy, bosomy redhead, commonly known as a stone-cold fox. She got a power boost through the Power Broker and became a professional wrestler, taking the name Ms. Marvel. When she tried to leave the evil wrestling team, it was the Fantastic Four’s Ben Grimm, aka The Thing, who helped her escape. She joined the FF, but while battling Fasaud the electronic terrorist (don’t ask) in space, she and Ben were bombarded with those pesky cosmic rays. Ben mutated into a stronger form of The Thing and super-sexy Sharon turned into a concrete version of Janet Reno.
Sharon didn’t mind being She-Thing since it brought her closer to Ben and held off the creeps. She once told She-Hulk, “When I was cute and Ben was the only Thing in the world, I liked him. But I couldn’t love him.” But once Ben turned back to normal, Sharon sought the help of Doctor Doom to change her back to a babe. Things didn’t work out so well, and she left the Fantastic Four forever.
She-Thing isn’t gone from the Marvel Universe, though. She had a cameo in FF #543 earlier this year. But don’t hold your breath waiting for “Fantastic Four: Rise of the She-Thing”…unless Janet Reno is interested in making her feature film debut.
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June 11th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
She-Thing reminds me of Rasputia from “Norbit”.
June 11th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
What a Hottie!
I mean come on a 50″ bust!
June 11th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Yeah, Lim, you’re right. Though she might be hotter if she had that gorgeous Asian hair!
June 11th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I mean is her labia made of limestone? That is scary. It’s not logical to screw a rock beast with tits, but then again people screw sheep, goats, pigs, and apes, and fat women so anything is possible. It goes to show you that the largest selling Playboy ever had Chyna on the front cover. CHYNA. Seriously, her clit was the size of my forearm. People are weird. But she was a lame super-hero with no creative genious behind her. And I think Ben Grimm would shoot himself into the sun if he was supposed to like her.
June 11th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
@HAL-9000
LOL!!!
June 11th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Wow, I should really check my spelling before I submit. I is a college student. Na-noo- Na-noo. Frack. Wrong Alien.
June 11th, 2007 at 5:28 pm
I charge extra to correct comments!
June 11th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Oh yea and I saw Eagle Vs. Shark which was and is the best movie of the year so far. Hostel 2 was terrible but you know the 1st one was terrible. Nothing happens in that movie. And Oceans 13 was just as good as the 1st two. This one had a better storyline than the 2nd one.
June 12th, 2007 at 2:42 am
She-thing looks like the Thing before his transformation.
It is not good.
Do you want to exchange links with my Movie Special blog?
June 12th, 2007 at 3:49 am
Nice one!
Why would they think a female version of a very ugly superhero would be a good thing?
Even She Hulk was made to look hot!
June 12th, 2007 at 5:54 am
[...] She-Thing — The Character You Will Never See in a Fantastic Four Movie Filed under: Uncategorized — recar @ 9:54 am She-Thing — The Character You Will Never See in a Fantastic Four Movie Imagine a concrete version of Janet Reno[news] [entertainment] [movies] [...]
June 12th, 2007 at 6:39 am
Ooh. Wierd. Doesn’t look like a girl too. It just looks like a smaller Thing.
June 12th, 2007 at 7:16 am
In that 2nd picture, you can’t tell where one begins and one ends.
June 12th, 2007 at 7:27 am
wow ! never known before there is she thing !
June 12th, 2007 at 10:58 am
[...] Lame Superhero of the Week: She-Thing - Blogzarro [...]
June 12th, 2007 at 11:05 am
I am concerned that your invention She-Thing is to close in name to a seminal piece of mine piblished in the 1990’s entitled The Palace of Righteous Justice which features a character called She-woman-cat-type-thing (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Enfield_and_Chums).
Please rename your character forthwith or face the wrath of the ighty Sword of Dobber. For each day you fail to comply, the BBC will punish the british public by re-running episodes of “Are You Being Served?”. Please, think of the britons.
June 13th, 2007 at 7:21 am
[...] Unrelated comics: Bizarre observation. [...]
June 14th, 2007 at 8:36 am
Ha looks like they just took the body proportions of the HULK and made it into a girl.
June 20th, 2007 at 6:53 pm
But at least they made a sexy She-Hulk
June 24th, 2007 at 1:37 am
Gak! My eyes!!!!! Owwww!!!! aaa…aaa…..argggggggggggggggggggggggggg… okay…. okay… I’m calming down now…. okay… I mean… the Jimmy Olsen Hot dog was bad enough but this??!! YAGHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh!!!
in the immortal words of Lurch…..
Badddddddddddd…very…bad……..
OOOOOOOooooooooooooooo……..
July 6th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
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October 10th, 2007 at 11:49 am
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