George Lucas has resold, repackaged, reimagined, merchandised, and licensed the hell out of Star Wars over the last 30 years. But here are a few ways Georgie hasn’t sold-out the Star Wars franchise…yet.
11. (bonus) “The 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special” released to DVD with CG-enhanced Bea Arthur
10. “Attack of the Clones” re-release featuring deleted too-hot-for-theaters Slave Padme!
9. “Phantom Menace Special Edition” with Jar Jar Binks replaced by less annoying Rosie O’Donnell
8. C-3P0′s new sidekick — 7-11 the product placement droid
7. “Star Wars: The Black and White Edition”
6. “One Night in Jar Jar Binks: The Secret Sex Tape”
5. Darth Vader “I Am Your Father” paternity tests
4. “Real World: Tatooine”
3. “Phantom Menace: The Lost, Good Version”
2. Death Star renamed the Continental Airlines Death Star
1. “Slave Leia Gone Wild” DVD series
(To see what the “Slave Leia Gone Wild” DVD series might look like, check out this Blogzarro-designed DVD cover)
Shhh! Don’t give him any ideas.
Come on, Homie Bear, you don’t want to see a Slave Leia Gone Wild DVD?
Every man’s fantasy is Slave Leia, George Lucas would make millions.
Seriously, #5, that’s brilliant. Don’t be surprised when the announcement comes that LucasFilms and EPT — two great forces — are teaming up to determine baby daddies across the world.
I still remember (with horror and dismay) the Jar Jar Binks sucker pops that came out after Phantom Menance. The ones where the sucker part was Jar Jar’s tongue. Which meant that to consume it was to french kiss Jar Jar Binks.
Lucas is an evil evil man.