Lame Superhero of the Week: Matter Eater Lad
By James A. on April 23rd, 2007
Real Name: Tenzil Kem
First Appearance: Adventure Comics #303 (1962)
Affiliations: Legion of Super Heroes
Associates: Shrinking Violet, Brainiac 5
Lame Abilities: Can bite and eat all forms of matter…without gaining a pound
Another lame lad, Matter Eater has one of the stupidest super powers in comicdom. He can eat matter! Doesn’t sound impressive? Well, Matter Eater Lad can eat anything, even Taco Bell after drinking all night…kind of like Kirstie Alley before she met Jenny Craig. Except, of course, Matter Eater Lad doesn’t gain any weight.
Matter Eater Lad is a member of that super lame team of heroes from the 30th century, the Legion of Super Heroes. Matter Eater, whose real name is Tenzil Kem, comes from the planet Bismoll (a play on Pepto Bismol). All inhabitants of the planet have the same super-eating ability of Matter Eater Lad. As the lame lad explains, “Gradually, over a period of eons, microbes made all food there poisonous… Just as gradually, evolution transformed my race so we could eat anything without being harmed!” Huh? Why didn’t they just adapt to the damn “poison” then? According to the super eater, ray guns taste good, iron chains taste like chocolate cake, and sucking on a metal pipe is, well, use your imagination.
Though disrespected even by his lame teammates, Matter Eater Lad got his buddies out of many tight jams…by eating prison bars, chewing out tunnels, and the like. In fact, he even saved the universe with his lame super power. When the Miracle Machine threatened to destroy the world, Matter Eater Lad gulped down the offending machine…but then went insane.
More recently Matter Eater Lad has gotten even less respect. In the post “Zero Hero” continuity, he isn’t even a member of the Legion and appears as the team’s chef and butler. My idea for a Matter Eater Lad comeback: Matter Eater Lad Vs. hot-dog-eating champ Kobayashi! Let’s make that happen.
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April 23rd, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Well dang maybe he isn’t so lame after all. I mean he could just eat any other Superhero out there!
If he did that then he’d be the only one left. How lame is he now?
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:27 pm
You’d think that, wouldn’t you? But Matter Eater Lad doesn’t eat people. If he did, he’d be the coolest superhero ever.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Well then you are right. HE’S FRIGGIN’ LAME!
April 24th, 2007 at 9:30 am
I actually think Matter-Eater Lad may have been more valuable to the team than Bouncing Boy or Duplicate Damsel (I have often wondered why having a “twin” was considered a super-power.)
In fact, you couldn’t swing a dead cat at the Legion Clubhouse without hitting a lame Superhero!
But I think BOTH Bouncing Boy AND Matter-Eater Lad appeared recently on the new “Superman and the Legion Of Superheroes” cartoon show….
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:03 am
At least his power is more usefull then one of the reject Legion heroes. Arm-fall-off Lad had the power to make his arms drop off. His issue actually had him beating a villan with his own arm. So it could be worse….
October 19th, 2007 at 11:38 pm
The legion is lame.
December 14th, 2007 at 1:17 am
the legion is not lame. and i think tenzil kem redeemed himself when he was written by keith and tom and Mary.
March 17th, 2008 at 4:34 am
@Jimzarro
You must not be reading the current run, then. Matter Eater Lad is back, and he’s biting people’s fingers off.
May 9th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
He may have a lame superpower, but it’s the only one that I know of (that’s an actual super power) that a real live human being in OUR world has.
Look up “Michel Lotito” aka “Monsieur Mangetout.”
September 22nd, 2008 at 10:36 am
hes the flucking best man you all suck
November 5th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Matter eater lad is really dick eater lad and shit eater lad.
March 7th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
ha. haha.
arm-fall off lad
poor guy
i really feel for him
if i was that pathetic, i wouldnt get up in the mornings
poor guy
March 9th, 2009 at 12:59 am
You obviously haven’t read the key M-E Lad stories. When Brainiac 5 went insane and tried to destroy the universe with the Miracle Machine (DC’s answer to a Cosmic Cube — previously thought to be indestructible), M-E Lad ATE the Miracle Machine and went INSANE for several YEARS! How’s that for heroic sacrific?! From his Wikipedia entry, he also ate through the handle of Persuader’s atomic axe, calmly devoured an ionosphere-eating monster, escaped a deathtrap “by devouring an entire silo full of grain,” and the piece de resistance (just imagine the right accent marks are there and in the correct places), “Matter-Eater Lad ultimately seduced and married former Legion villain Saturn Queen.” SEDUCED and MARRIED super-hot badness! And in the latest incarnations, he did it all with wisecrack, a smirk, and a swagger. He’s MATTER EATER LAD. He’s proud of it. He OWNS it. Pretty impresive, if you ask me.
December 24th, 2009 at 1:23 am
Just as an aside, since you mentioned that Matter Eater Lad’s home planet is Bismoll, the capital city is actually named Pepto. Those LSH writers carried that joke as far as they could get away with for sure.
January 15th, 2010 at 3:37 am
So does he clog up the Legion’s toilets after a mission? I mean, sure, being able to eat a metal door is spiffy and all, but–it’s got to come out sometime….