Lame Superhero of the Week: Aqualad

Real Name: Garth. Just Garth.
Aliases: Aquaboy, Gill-Head
First Appearance: Adventure Comics #269 (1960)
Associates: Aquaman, Aquagirl, manatees, dolphins
Lame Abilities: Communicates with underwater creatures, real good swimmer, fabulous legs, walrus straddling
Creators: Robert Bernstein, Ramona Fradon

Any time your name ends in the word “lad,” you just bought yourself a first-class ticket to lamesville. But if that wasn’t bad enough, Aqualad has the double bad luck of being the young (and strictly platonic) companion of Aquaman, one of the least respected and least masculine superheroes in the history of comics. Aqualad rides dolphins, gets into questionable positions with walruses (for evidence, check the photo to the left), and has smoother legs than Robin. To further his lameness, Aqualad was voiced by Wil Wheaton on the “Teen Titans” animated series. Not that Wil is really lame, but he’s not the most macho guy in the galaxy.

Aqualad, who’s real name is Garth, is an amphibious humanoid who was once a prince of Atlantis. He was left to die because of some Atlantean superstition about babies with purple eyes. As a little boy, he was terrified of fish. But after Aquaman found him, he cured Aqualad. The two had many underwater adventures together and the rest is lame history.

In the ’90s, Aqualad got a makeover. Ol’ Gill-Head reappeared as Tempest, a tough guy with mystical abilities who shoots purple energy blasts from his eyes. To increase his machismo, he even stole Aquaman’s lover, Dolphin, and married her. Take that, Aquaman!