This email comes from a Blogzarro reader named Lily Goldman (lily89_s411@yahoo.com) who promises to get me laid. Lily writes:

Dear Blogzarro,

Hello there. Want to find a fuck-buddy living near you? 94% of members already got laid once with this dating system. Want more? You don’t even have to pay.

Dear Blogzarro Reader,

Lily, I appreciate your help in trying to get me laid. Fuck buddies are difficult to come by these days and the fact that these fuck buddies are close by is a big selling point. Long-distance fuck-buddy relationships can be difficult to sustain. The best fuck buddies, I have found, are the ones who are within walking distance (because when you want to get laid, you shouldn’t have to wait). Lily, you seem to be a caring and generous person to offer me this information, even though we have never met. You are truly a buddy, of the non-fucking kind. And as a good buddy myself, I worry, Lily, if you are getting laid yourself and if your fuck buddies are close at hand. If you are within a five-mile radius, Lily, I can promise you a 94% chance of getting laid.

Blogzarro readers, keep your letters coming!