An Intro to Dubious Sexual Terminology
By James A. on February 12th, 2007
It’s embarassing. In social situations you feel awkward and inadequate, petrified that you’ll be discovered. You nod along with your friends and laugh like you’re part of the group. But you’re not. You’re an ignorant, uncool prude who doesn’t know a Donkey Punch from a Cincinnati Bowtie.
From Internet chat rooms to the executive board room, these sexual terms and others like them are being kicked around like nobody’s business. But many of the uninitiated haven’t a clue what they mean.
The next best thing to having sex is watching other people have sex. And the next best thing to watching other people have sex is talking about sex. So let me share a few of my favorite sexual terms and their meanings. You’ll be talking like a perverted pro in no time.
Danza Slap
The next time you need to show a woman who’s the boss, give her a Danza Slap. This can be accomplished by smacking your woman in the face with your penis. The technique was so named after a legend that actor Tony Danza performed this act in porno movies. Another name for a Danza Slap is smurf, as in, “Tony needs to smurf Angela.”
Dirty Sanchez
Dirty Sanchez actually has two meanings, both of them very dirty. The more common definition involves wiping a dirty penis, after anal sex, on your partner’s buttocks or lip and drawing a moustache. The other, less common, definition is simpler to achieve. One only has to perform oral sex after engaging in anal sex.
Pearl Necklace
Women love jewelry. Men hate spending the cash. The Pearl Necklace is the perfect compromise. It only costs a few drops of semen on your loved one’s neck or throat.
Donkey Punch
It’s sounds like a ’80s video game, but it’s actually one of the most dangerous sexual maneuvers known to man. Engage in anal sex with your partner and at the point of orgasm punch her or him in the back of the head, which will supposedly knock the person out.
Lucky Pierre
Lucky Pierre is like the cream in a gay Oreo cookie. To become a Lucky Pierre yourself, you need two selfless homosexual buddies. Position yourself between your friends; allow the friend behind you to insert his penis in your anus; and then insert your own penis inside the anus of the buddy in front of you. You are now one lucky bastard — because you are the only one of the trio enjoing both sex acts at the same time.
Rusty Trombone
No musical talent is required for this act, but you do need to be flexible and a good multi-tasker. A Rusty Trombone is played by licking a man’s ass while reaching around and masturbating him. Do it and you’ll be amazed at how much it looks like you’re playing a trombone. If you hear music, you’ve been licking ass too long.
Cincinnati Bowtie
Every woman looks great in a Cincinnati Bowtie. To give your woman a Cincinatti Bowtie, place your penis between her breasts, with the penis facing downward. The penis and testicles, you’ll notice, greatly resemble a tie. For added pizazz, finish things off with a Pearl Necklace.
Mars Bar Party
Food and sex go together as well as Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. So it’s not surprising that this act — eating a Mars bar out of the vagina or anus — has been attributed to the Rolling Stone band mates. It is said that in 1967 Mick and Keith had a Mars Bar Party with Marianne Faithfull, who, of course, denies it. Things are further complicated by the fact that they don’t make Mars bars anymore. How about a Milky War Party?
Teabagging
Do you like your testicles with milk or sugar? Teabagging is a simple maneuver. Simply lower your testes into your partner’s mouth, as if you are dipping a Lipton tea bag into a mug. Then set on a slow boil, and you have a refreshing beverage.
Toss Salad
I consider this a half Rusty Trombone, as it’s nothing more than performing oral sex on someone’s anus. With a little more effort, do a Reach Around and you have yourself a proper Rusty Trombone.
Scissor Fight
Scissors are not required. Just two vaginas. A Scissor Fight occurs when two women press their nether parts together by intertwining their legs.
Felch
Dirtier than a Dirty Sanchez, rustier than a Rusty Trombone, Felching is probably the grossest term in this list, which is saying a lot. Felching is the act of ejaculated into the anus and then licking or sucking out the semen.
Angry Dragon
This is probably the most difficult act to achieve, but also the most satisfying when successful. This is how it’s done: ejaculate into your partner’s mouth; hit him or her in the back of the head, thus sending the ejaculate out the nose. Just like a cum-breathing dragon!
My favorite name for pubic hair: Gorilla Salad
[DISCLAIMER: Blogzarro does not condone or encourage attemping any of the above activities. If, however, you are still impelled to experiment, please, practice safe sex.]
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July 30th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
the angry dragon part is very funny.hehehe but could some body tell me if it has been done before?
August 21st, 2007 at 2:16 pm
I’m kinda surprised that the Screaming Seagull isn’t on here. Nor is Peaches ‘n Cream.
August 21st, 2007 at 8:00 pm
@ G Spot
See rule 34 of the internets.
August 21st, 2007 at 8:08 pm
What about “The Shocker”???
August 24th, 2007 at 5:21 am
Since when did they stop making mars bars?
September 7th, 2007 at 6:29 pm
what about the “jelly donut”? that one’s a classic!
October 11th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Don’t forget the Great Gonzo.
Guy sits on top of her face with his balls covering her eyes and his schlong pointing donwards over her nose.
Makes her look like the great Gonzo from the Muppets
October 20th, 2007 at 1:42 am
What about the Queer Tear or the Moaning Manatee?
October 24th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
I’ve actually had the Angry Dragon happen by accident. The chick was sucking me and it got into her nose by accident, looked funny as hell when it came running out her nose.
November 21st, 2007 at 6:53 am
Wow, was expecting to see Albanian Hot Pocket on there..
December 8th, 2007 at 11:59 pm
what about the chilli dog? taking a shit on womans breasts and then tity fucking her, yes i came up with that on my own
December 24th, 2007 at 1:28 am
What is the term for the person who initially receives a cock anally than is directed to it suck off
January 4th, 2008 at 7:12 am
what is … “queens game?”
January 11th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
damn i did all of them…
March 29th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
What is a Walla Walla Sledgehammer?
April 10th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Don’s forget the old classic “The Angry Werewolf”
Ahhhrrrg!!
May 30th, 2008 at 2:27 am
what about the favorite of mine the chili dog-shitting on her chest and putting your dik in between the shitty tits.
June 17th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
this is possibly the greatest web page i have seen in all my days im a big fan of the inappropriate tyty
August 29th, 2008 at 12:30 am
[...] (which, if you’re a devoted reader, you’d know that is saying something). Click here to see what our holy web surfer [...]
August 30th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Does this mean that we are now spelling catholic with a K added on the end? Tommy
December 14th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Dis is great men i mean d website wat is it called wen d guy is deeping his fingers &licking her sexy breasts oh i feel it under oooh
January 6th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
you are a fucking genius… Reading this made my day!
February 17th, 2009 at 2:12 am
This was the coolest/grossest thing I’ve read. Yet I feel more of a man now that I’ve read it. Thank you this was beyond wicked.
February 25th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
my wife will suffer all above!!! and tonight!!! goooooooooooodnaaaaight!!
im busy tonight!
May 7th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Have you ever licked a pussy fart out of your butt before? its really cool and not as smelly as you would think. We should have a sexual and dirty chat room time, where we take pics of our poops and boobs and ding a longs and like jack off to them and then we can rub ourselves with olive oil and peanut butter until we cum on our womans faces bitchez. and hoz. don’t even know shit about shitting on a womans tittys. I know all about it. Ask my mom.
ANd I think that we should meet up and have a orgy at the olive garden bathroom i hear it is a hots pot for all thing related to sex and poop.
I like to eat crusty penis tips and I like to dress up like a chicken and fuck like a kangaroo. Will you lick my poop? I am pooping in my pants right now and it feels warm and sexy. Lick it!
May 8th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
this is so funny
June 19th, 2009 at 8:44 am
How about the Angry Dolphin?
When your doing your girl from behind and try to stick it in her ass when she turns around, shakes her head and squeels “eh’n eh’n!!! eh’n eh’n!!!”
September 9th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
The Breaded Cutlet
When having sex on a beach, once you are about to ejaculate, you pull out, release all over her…then roll her around in the sand causing it to stick and resemble a “Breaded Cutlet”
Angry Pirate
When receiving oral sex from your partner, as soon as you are about to ejaculate you pull out and release into her eye, then kick her in the shin. She will now be blind in one eye and hoping around on one leg resembling a pirate.
the Donald Trump
When receiving oral sex from your partner, as soon as you are about to ejaculate you must pull out and release in her hair, give her a combover and point at her with both index fingers and say “You’re Fired!”
Mexican Chili Dog
Quick and to the point…shit on her chest and tit fuck her.
the Bulldozer
Having sex with your partner, they must be on the floor on hands and knees. You then knock their hands out from under them and proceed to have sex with them while pushing them around on the floor, knocking over lamps, TV trays, etc.
the Houdini
While having sex with your partner, make sure the lights are off and you are doing it infront of a large window she can see out of. Invite a friend to come over prior to this and have them hide in the closet. About half way through the act, pull out like you are in need of a quick break to assist in lasting longer. Have your friend take your place and leave. As you leave be sure to pass by the window outside and wave at her on the way by.
September 27th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
[...] read the rest.. [...]
October 2nd, 2009 at 10:40 am
how about the angry pirate? This is when you cum in a girls eye then kick her in the shin. She’ll be covering her eye and screaming arrrggggg!
or my favorite
the Rodeo
You seduce a fat chick back to your place. Start banging from be hind then start calling her nasty degrading names. She’ll start bucking so grab her and see how long you can stay on!!
enjoy
October 6th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
search “poo button” on google
October 13th, 2009 at 7:52 am
‘They don’t make Mars Bars anymore’
What??
Where the hell have you been living?
March 27th, 2010 at 4:47 pm
Spiderman
Do a woman from behind. Just before you cum, pull out, catch it, and when she turns around sling it at her face!
May 26th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
you forgot the Filthy Foo Man Chu.
the filthy foo is a cousin of the dirty sanchez, but there is a twist. While having intercourse you put two fingers in your partners rectum and when the time is right, you pull the fingers out, and make a Poo Foo Man chu, starting on the chin, going around the mouth, and finishing by violating their nose… do not try this at all…
June 4th, 2010 at 11:30 pm
The Eiffel Tower
This is for a male, male, female threesome situation. In a standing position, Male 1 enters from behind. The girl is bent over sucking off the male 2 forming a bridge. During this process, the 2 males high five, forming the shape of the eiffel tower.
Makes for great photos.
August 14th, 2010 at 10:43 pm
Don’t forget the Roman Helmet. This is when you put your balls on her forhead and your dick on her nose.
August 14th, 2010 at 10:44 pm
Harvest Moon
When a woman has a dingle berry in her crack when you are behind her