10. Superman allowed to fly only after passing through TSA metal detectors.

9. Fortress of Solitude melts away due to global warming.

8. Superman returns to earth only because he can’t remember whether he turned off his oven.

7. Guest appearance by drunken Adam West — who continually shouts: “Yeah, but where’s his boy wonder?”

6. Kryptonite replaced by something more lethal — an 8-by-10 of Joan Rivers.

5. Turns out Superman was away getting plastic surgery to look 20 years younger.

4. Superman decides the world isn’t worth saving, makes living as Calvin Klein model.

3. Lex Luthor’s hostile takeover of the Hair Club for Men.

2. Brandon Routh’s bulge padded with royalty checks from the movie’s merchandising.

1. Superman’s affair with Lana Lang sends Lois Lane into the arms of Vince Vaughn.