This year I’m gonna get off my ass and finally get things done — as well as stop those things that are no good for me. Here’s just a smattering of those things:

• Stop speaking Klingon while making love.
• Get buff, learn ninjitsu, fight crime, make city safe once again.
• Learn to use a Bo staff.
• Watch every episode of “Doctor Who” in existence in one sitting.
• Buy a really long scarf.
• Get unstuck from ’82.
• Learn the true identity of my father — then kill him in a duel.
• Stop referring to lovemaking as the “Quickening.”
• Get that damn time machine from the Internet to work.
• Acquire more skills — like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills.
• Trade in my Wiffle ball bat for a real lightsaber.
• Finally figure out how Superman altered time by flying around the earth really fast.
• Stop thinking of Ewoks in a sexual way.